today

quick posting while I'm waiting for the dishwasher to sterilize the jars for the raspberry delight I'm about to process...

We had about the perfect day today. Pictures will follow in an upcoming post. We made it to the farm by about noon and weeded -- not too big of a job thanks to the rototiller that worked its magic yesterday. Our favorite family joined us, and we moms chatted non-stop while the kiddos ran and played and had fun. Scared the chickens. Played with Dash the doggie. Posed for cute photos. Ran on the hilltop to swing and attempt to start a fire (!!! - rubbing two sticks together, so much less of an alarming report).

We picked buckets of raspberries. We gathered eggs, JUST after they were laid (poor chickens). We picked some red onions. We smelled the lemon basil.

Afterwards, we headed over to Culvers for a little frozen treat. Perfect way to end a perfect day.

Our life feels so full and so good this summer.

summertime fun

Hey, it's been a while.

So, the mom-kid camping outing last week was a fun getaway. Can't remember if I mentioned this in my last post, but when preparing for our getaway, Bob asked if I was excited. "Excited is not the verb I would use," I replied. I was anticipating a lot of work and dirt and grit and poor sleeping conditions. Turns out I was right about all of that, but I had forgotten about the good parts too. Roaring campfires, Uno, kids inventing new ways to amuse themselves, the company of other moms (some I knew better than others -- all I enjoyed).

The nights were long and full of raccoon (and other?) noises and, unfortunately, a thunderstorm. We survived it all and have some good stories to tell. The kids are anxious to go camping again, and we moms are plotting our next trip. Mirror Lake, perhaps (a fave spot of my family's when we were growing up). Late August? Ending with a trip to a waterpark in the Dells? We'll see...

hiking up to the observation towers

Two and One at the campsite

our canopy of trees above our site

frolicking in the water fountain

not quite our whole group pictured, but in total there were 4 moms, 12 kids and one (college aged) babysitter

The weekend was great too. We went to the pool both days - lovely, just lovely. We went on a bike ride to the Memorial Union on Saturday for burgers and a beer. We went to the bike store to check out new bikes for me (yikes! so expensive! no new bike for me). We had a fire in our firepit on Saturday night, then later walked down to a neighbor's house to check out the moon in his telescope.

Pictures from our night at the Union:

(hmm, why am I writing in blue, all of a sudden?) Today, we are good-busy. Kids had tennis in the morning (only half rained out). Wrestling this afternoon (Three and I will go to Woodmans while they are there - only one child, just like old times). Rugby this evening. One and Two are playing a game of Uno right now. I'm about to finish laundry and clean bathrooms. This summer thing is working out alright!

the good, the (not so) bad, the ugly

a few days into summer home with the kiddos, and let's recap.

first, the ugly:

• Kids have been bickering, which has led to
• Some UGLY behavior on my part. So bad that I couldn't sleep one night. I was embarrassed and ashamed at myself. I did a little Mrs. Eckert* perspective/reality check and reminded myself that we are healthy, we have a safe home, we love each other (mostly) and I should suck. it. up. as the captain of this ship and get my act together.
• The weather. Rain, rain, rain. Pool has been closed since Sunday. Boo.

the not-so bad:

• After getting my act together on Sunday, the kids and I played a game of Sorry. It ended poorly, but we did really well for 30 or so minutes before that.
• Today, we played Uno. Again, the game ended poorly, but it was fun for a while.
• We went grocery shopping together as a family on Sunday. You would think with 2 adults (and experienced parents, at that) we would have just flown through a trip to Woodmans. Nope. We lost kids. We lost each other. We double purchased things. We ended up spending twice as long there. But, thanks to my new and improved outlook, I stayed calm and happy and it ended up being a not-so bad experience.

the good:

• The Goodman Pool! We are so lucky to have this wonderful pool right in our neighborhood. In the two days it's been open, we've gone three times. We've reconnected with "pool friends" from last year. We've shown off our new swimming skills, and the two oldest have spent oodles of time in the deep, diving well.
• Summer activities have begun. Tennis lessons, Mallards baseball camp, playdates with friends, sleepover birthday party. It's all good.
• Our camping trip tomorrow. We are heading to Blue Mounds State Park with, oh, 4 or 5 other families (moms and kids - no dads) for 2 nights. I'm trying not to stress the details and instead vow just to have fun. Of course, I have newfound respect for all the work my mom did in preparing for our many camping trips when we were young.

So, 2 days in and I'm reminded that so much of our family's attitude depends on my attitude. I can only affect change and positive brother behavior if I am calm and happy (even if I'm just pretending, it's better than being true to my feelings and angry and frustrated). Incidentally, I've abandoned that plan for rewarding good behavior with a dollar a day. They didn't care. I got mad. They didn't care more. I got more mad. It was best to let that idea go.

* Mrs. Eckert, my friend Theresa's mom, taught me this wonderful life lesson many years ago on Theresa's wedding day. I awoke, at her house, and discovered that I lost the diamond in my engagement band. After patiently listening to me moan and cry about this (UNinsured diamond, by the way), Mrs. Eckert reminded me that it was only an object that could, indeed, be replaced. I had not lost my finger. I had not lost my husband. (These were her exact words - I remember it so clearly to this day.) So many times I have Mrs. Eckert's voice in my head. I am so grateful for her wisdom and kindness on that day.

football summary

A few weeks ago, One's flag football team was invited to play at halftime during the Madison Mustang's football game (semi-pro team). One was very excited and even more nervous. We experienced several swings of emotion prior to the game, and I even wondered if we would be able to make it. But we did. I will take full credit for using my mama magic to pull the family together.

Here are the Packers, One's team, walking onto the field:

There's my boy! I think he's looking for us, but we had moved to get closer to the action:

The stadium was, well, not exactly packed...

Their coach (in yellow) has done a great job with this team. I haven't always agreed with his tactics, but I appreciate his passion and dedication to the kids.

And there he is, as center, ready to snap the ball. I'm sure he's hoping this is his last time as center. Let's just say that he'd rather have a little more glamorous position on his (gasp) tackle football team next fall.

Because you asked, yes, the Packers won this little scrimmage. They were undefeated again this season. I saw in one of One's journals from school that his team is rated A-. Not sure where he came up with that, but I think I'd agree.

It was a great way to conclude his flag football career. Onto tackle!

June 10

last full day of school.

washed windows.

hugged and cuddled feverish 4 year old.

baked cookies.

swept kitchen, wiped down microwave (gross), polished counters.

ready for summer vacation.

not much to say

I want to blog but I'm not sure I have anything to say.

Yesterday was busy. When I finally sat down after supper, I closed my eyes and snoozed. It was a 15 second nap, but it felt good.

Three keeps singing "How to Save a Life". He doesn't really know the words (nor do I), but it's very, very cute.

Weekend was good, busy, rainy, sunny, hot. Last football games of the season. Two had a playdate with a friend all day Saturday (more on that later). On Sunday, we did the Ride the Drive, an event drawing 30,000, they said. It was so great. I've decided this is one of my new favorite Madison activities. Dash the doggy ran along side of my bike (on leash) the whole way, 6 miles.

My crazy little diet seems to be working. Down days are still hard. Up days are a relief, but I have to remember not to go overboard. I'm looking forward to being able to exercise regularly when all my kiddos are busy in the fall. Yes, it's pathetic that I don't expect regular exercise while they are here this summer, but I'm just being realistic. I mean, we'll bike and swim a lot - every day we can - but it will happen at a child's pace, so not really at a cardiovascular level.

This is the last week of school, and, for some crazy reason, I'm not dreading the summer too much. Last summer, I was full of dread. How were we going to survive the summer without killing each other? (Those with only children may not understand this, but as much as my children seem to like each other, they also can FIGHT.) This summer? I feel oddly calm. I've been reading up on how to address this. I also came up with a plan to reward good brother behavior. Every day that is a good day overall (yes, judgment call and one I reserve the right to make), I will put one dollar aside. At the end of the summer, if we have enough saved (we're also collecting aluminum cans AND we have a family piggy bank anyone can contribute to), we'll go to Great America. Kids seemed energized by this plan. Let's hope it works.

I have spent most of this post typing with a sleepy 4 year old on my lap. He's a lot of boy to hold, so I'm going to end.

home alone

So, we're day 6 in single-parenting chez Mooncrawl, and I think we'll make it to the end. (which should be today) (it's so much easier to know you'll make it when you're almost there anyways, isn't it?) Bob is on his way back from his driving trip to AZ to visit his extremely ill aunt.

As I was musing to a friend on the phone this morning, I think this decade is the decade for me to work on not being so judgmental. I've always been in disagreement with parents who, shortly after divorce or death, pick up a new relationship. I thought, "you need time to heal. Your children need you. How selfish!" Now I sort of get it. I am a much happier person when I am one of a pair. Call me codependent, but I really like being able to chat about my day, or your day, or SOMETHING adult-like at the end of a day. It's a bit lonely, this one-parent-three-kids gig.

My brother is out of the country for nearly three weeks (right, Mark? such a LONG trip!), so I was commiserating with my sister-in-law about being home alone, with no man to protect you. I mean, I'm all "I am woman, hear my roar" until it's nighttime and the outside spooky noises get spookier, and "what was THAT?" So, I asked my dear SIL her tips about feeling safe at night. She said every night Mark is gone she sleeps with her phone, a knife and a hammer in bed with her. Since I often have at least one boy, if not all three, in bed with me, I decided not to go the hammer/knife route, and instead, I sleep with my keys on my bedside. My car key has a remote, panic button, and I take comfort in knowing that I can, in essence, create a big ruckus if I hear something creepy.

This makes me wonder -- do men ever feel this sort of nervousness? I once asked Bob if he ever feels like he's unsafe when he's alone, out in the world. He looked at me blankly, and said, "no ..." Same with my neighbor/friend John, who frequently runs through the Arboretum. "Do you ever feel unsafe when you're on a path alone, even in the middle of the day?" I asked him a couple of years ago. He laughed and of course not. He's a big guy who could probably defend himself quite well- so is Bob. Maybe that's a part of it.

So, I suppose this is an example of how men have privilege that they may not even realize. Reminds me of the book I'm reading about African-American maids working in white homes in Mississippi in the 60's. Talk about privileges that one group doesn't even realize they have! Makes me want to spend some time thinking about the privileges I have that I don't give second thought to. We're reading the book for book club, which I'm glad about. It'll be a good one to discuss.

Anyway, back to my week alone... Like Aisha said it is for her, it took me a couple of days to get into my groove. But finally, a couple of nights ago, I found that I was able to fall asleep easier, stay asleep longer. I thought, "not so bad, after all, we'll be ok" and then I awoke at about 2 am with a start to a woman's voice screaming, "get out of here!!!" After a moment, I heard a man's voice respond, "are you going to be ok?" I went over to the window to peek outside and didn't see a thing. We live near some apartments and a residential treatment facility for adults with alcohol/drug addiction, so I'm thinking the trouble was over thataway, and it appeared to be over quickly.

Last night, we celebrated the end of our week without Bob by watching a couple of episodes of Survivor All Stars from a DVD I rented from the library (yes, my children are hooked on this series, which kind of tickles me). The doorbell rang around 7 pm, and it was a neighbor/friend mom and her daughter, dropping off an invite for a b'day party. Right behind them, friends Bob and Alan came walking up with 1 1/2 dozen eggs from the chicken's we keep with them on the farm. My kids all piled outside to run around in the front yard. They were playing some chase game with a wagon and bikes and scooters and were so happy with each other. Three, ala Richard Hatch, was totally naked. We adults laughed and talked and enjoyed the beautiful evening. Ahhh, adult conversation!

Nearing the end of it, I'm pleased with how well we've fared this week. We have missed Bob, no doubt, but I suppose it's a good thing for my little codependent self to know that yes I can do this alone. It's sweet seeing the kids talk about all they have to share with Bob when he returns. I will just be happy to have his snoring body near me in bed, and I'll go back to leaving the keys down on the keyhook.