Hi there.
I'm just going to pretend that it hasn't been 5 months since my last post.
So, this past Saturday was ... interesting. Really, really stressful at times, but really, really good too. We took our second Mystery Family Field Trip. Faithful reader(s) may recall that we did this last year for the first time - heading to Field of Dreams in Iowa. That was a sweet day, and encouraged us to try it again. This time, the mystery destination was Lake Geneva, aka Bob's happy place.
We finally found a parking spot and trudged to the lake. I spotted a boat rental company, and, after a quick conference with Bob, wandered over there on some false mission (but really, to find out the prices/availability of speed boat rentals). I ended up reserving one (which, in itself ended up being a bit of a trial - I am realizing that one of the ways One's anxiety comes out is through what he perceives as foolish spending of money). Anyhow, our boat rental was a couple of hours away, so we went to the beach for a bit.
The beach was very crowded. Also, not free. Bob took the kids while I headed back to the car and to "run some errands" for the boat - namely, to find some ibuprofin to treat Two's sore throat, as well as some muscle ache stuff for One (what are these guys with all of these somatic complaints? retirees?) at the quirky little general supplies store in town. I also bought some snacks/drinks for the boat ride to add to what I had packed from home, but I was kicking myself for not bringing a little cooler. One more impulse purchase later (a plastic 5 gallon "pickle bucket" and a bag of ice at a grand total of $5) and problem solved!
Anyhow, we did the beach thing. 1 hour there (my total time, after those errands) was plenty. I'm not a beach fan. The texture of the sand kind of skeeves me out. We then headed over to the boat rental place. Two declared, "this is the BEST mystery family field trip EVER!"
Unfortunately, that sentiment ended as soon as we boarded the boat and set off. Choppy waters! So many other boats!!!!! Bob and I have very little boating experience, so we were totally over our head. I put on my game face, but Bob and the rest of my crew (see what I did there?) were unhappy and nervous. Which quickly led to a family meltdown. Bob was (at this point, sorta quietly) freaking out. One was cowering on the floor, crying, begging me to return him to shore. Two was showing his anxiety in his not-so-pleasant way (by becoming angry and a bit of an ass). I finally agreed to turn back, and then Three started crying when he realized he wouldn't get a chance to be on the tube (which we spent an extra $40 to rent).
As captain of the ship (oh yes, I was piloting that damn boat because Bob refused), I made an executive decision - just like that captain on the new Bravo reality show did when their customers were doing cocaine in the bathroom, are you watching that show??? - and said, "I am going tubing with Three. someone else has to drive the damn boat."
Cue One dissolving into even a bigger puddle of tears, and Two becoming enraged that Bob was allowing me to do that. "You are a fucker!" he yelled. "She is going to die!!!" Meanwhile, Bob threw his own little temper tantrum (something about not knowing the "rules" of tubing, and that he NEVER thought TUBING was a good idea), and sweet Three was pleased as punch that finally he would get to go tubing. My thoughts were mixed - part of me was dreading getting into the water, and another part of me was relieved to leave the crazy that was the boat.
We slowly puttered along, and it was fine. Fairly splashy, not too cold. Good enough. Three was thrilled and I was tolerating it. And then, for some reason, Bob got the idea to go faster. So he sped up. The tube started flying thru the water, and then we started catching air. Three was woo-hooing, and I started screaming, "NOOOO!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" and furiously shaking my head. This got translated into even faster speeds. My heart was racing, and I started to believe that Two's fears would indeed come true. They finally slowed down and I yelled to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! "Oh, sorry" Bob said. We resumed to puttering.
And then something strange happened... The mood in the boat seemed to lighten. One was actually sitting in a chair, drinking a soda and eating potato chips. Bob seemed happier, and laughed about something. Two seemed sullen still, but at least he wasn't throwing things or punching people. I finally said I was done, and One volunteered to tube with Three. I was able to return to the boat, and One entered the water for a bit. After a while, we decided tubing was done, and we just motored around, oggling the big mansions. Each of the boys took a turn driving the boat.
It wasn't until today in talking with Bob that I got the whole story of what happened when I was on the tube -something about some realization he had about how his mood affects the others (yup!), a connection to some fucked up shit from his childhood, and how, if our children express emotions, that is fine, perfectly normal, to be expected. It was, as Oprah would say, an Ah-Ha moment.
We ended feeling fairly triumphant that we all survived. We drove to Janesville to eat at Olive Garden, and we debriefed a bit. I suggested that we all spend time away from each other on Sunday, so as to not ruin this happy little ending from Saturday.
And so we did. Three played with a friend, and we went to the pool for a bit. One has been playing video games all day, and is heading over to a friend's house. Two has been gone with another fried all day - first to swim at the Union and now to little league baseball games. Bob is working, and I have been very, very lazy. And it has felt very, very good.
At first, I was using the words "family dysfunction" when thinking about our meltdown on the boat. I have since decided that's not correct, or fair. These messy times are exactly what should be happening in families. This is where we act our truest selves (not pretty) but hopefully where we learn to grow. Which we did. What we got out of this experience was much more than summer fun. We were stressed, pushed outside of our comfort zones, challenged to interact with each other in their moments of stress. We gained insight - individually and as a family - about how we function together as a team. I'm proud of us.
