Brothers

Weekend picture round-up....

First stop - The World's Largest Brat Fest, which, conveniently enough, is less than a mile from our house.  Close enough, in fact, that we could hear the live entertainment all day and into the night.  Good that we like that sort of thing.  You gotta embrace all the sounds of the city if you're going to live right smack-dab in the middle.

Anyways, we went, 2 1/2 times.  Friday night, we went with some friends/neighbors.  Kids had a great time.  We adults laughed and enjoyed ourselves too.  We left probably earlier than we wanted to because the sprinkles were getting bigger and the sky was looking more ominous.  Saturday night, just the five of us went back.  One requested that he turn in his date night with me so that the entire family could enjoy the brat fest (actually, the rides on the midway) a bit more.  Sure, we responded, feeling generous and a bit foolhardy with our money.  

All three boys enjoyed the Gravity Jump, or whatever it was called.  As you can see, cautious Mr. One decided to wait until the end of our time there (when it was dark) before giving it a whirl.  He was the only one to do a double-flip, mid-air.  They all made it look so effortless and fun.  It was hard to be a curmudgeon about the obscene amount of money we spent on the rides.

On Monday, we decided to join the rest of Wisconsin (and half of Illinois) at Devil's Lake State Park.  It was a bit tricky finding a parking spot, but with patience and good humor (at least by the driver), we persevered.  We set off to hike and rock climb and have some good old fashioned family fun (damnit).

 But seriously, it was a great day.  The kids really enjoyed climbing around on the huge rocks.

We got halfway around the lake (Mark, for your orientation, we parked on the North side, took the Tumbled Rocks trail on the West Bluff, and followed the lake, counter-clockwise) and landed on the South Shore.  Although we had packed food to grill out, it was stuck in our car, halfway around the lake.  I was prepared and had my wallet in the backpack, so we decided to eat at the concession stand.

Kids were happy but tired.  Bob and I strategically started our "what are some of our family values?" discussion, and it didn't go very far.  But, we had already decided to have low expectations on it.  We ended up agreeing on one value (Brothers Stick Together - which is something I've been hammering away at them for years, and I'm certain they just agreed to it to move the subject along).  Bob and I tabled the topic for then, suggesting we can bring it up again later.  It felt so good to be flexible and reasonable, sometime I think we parents (at least, the two of us) lose sight of sometimes.  So even though we didn't get as far on the discussion that day as I would have liked, it has started.  We will pick it up as we march along in life, adding more values to our list. 

After our lunch break, the kids asked to play in the water.  Bob and I found a shady spot and parked ourselves while the kids happily played catch together with a little football.  And there it hit me - the obvious truth.  Our kids fight each other, sometimes really bad.  But, they do have their times when they get along, sometimes really, really well.  I will not be able to extinguish the fighting all together.  I need to focus on the positives, on those sweet moments (however rare) when they like each other.

As the afternoon started slipping away, we decided to keep moving.  We followed the railroad tracks along the East Bluff towards our car, this time, shirts (and shoes) off.  Three has taken to wearing a green "Merry Christmas" band (like those yellow LiveStrong bands) around his ankle.  I don't get it, but he sure is cute.

 I caught this a moment too late, but I'm keeping the picture as a reminder as to what was.  One and Two made up and played an elaborate game of hot lava/railroad tracks, which included, for 100 steps, One carrying Two on his back, piggy back style.  They were lost in their own world, laughing and playing and avoiding the hot lava.

 It was a beautiful way to end a beautiful trip.

I call this one, "They DO like each other!"

Memorial day weekend

Blogger has been f'ing with me for the past few days.
Has this happened to anyone else?
I couldn't access my blog or my dashboard  - there was a weird looking header with the box "password", but it wouldn't take my password.

anyway, problem seems all cleared up now.

We are 2 days into our 3 day weekend.
Day one, aka yesterday, was wonderfully perfect:
Football practice in the morning.
Tomato plants and flowers purchased for the home.
House projects tackled (re-roofing the shed, canning cherries that have been in my freezer since, gulp, last summer) with everyone pitching in.
An impromptu trip to Bratfest to ride rides (we did not support Johnsonville Brats, at least, not during that trip to Bratfest).
Late night dinner around the table with everyone in a lovely mood.

Day two, aka today, was a bit rougher.
Bob and Two went to a movie (Pirates of the Caribbean 4), while One, Three and I went to a different one (the tamer Diary of a Wimpy Kid, part 2).
Trip to the grocery store.
Quick visit with grandparents.
Canning more cherries, planting tomato plants and flowers.
That was all good, but the day ended with a nasty fight between One and Two.
Sigh...

Tomorrow, will be known as Day three, we go to Devil's Lake to implement our plan.
Hopefully we can all behave and try to like each other, but I'm setting my expectations low.

I have lots of good pictures to share but no energy to do so now.
Canning takes a lot out of me and
I'm tired.

in other news, it was 6 months ago today that I started working again.
I've been reflecting, while canning, about how much life has changed in the past 6 months.

the unexpected and the plan

Home sick with Three.  He was complaining of a hurt tummy on the drive to school.  I didn't believe that he was sick.  He then vomited all over the car.  That was when I decided to believe him.

He's such a sweet boy, even when sick, even when vomiting.  He takes care of it himself - running to the closest toilet or sink, or even outside.  He doesn't even complain much.  I just told him it was "rest time", and he's now settling down for a little nap.  The breathing is getting slower.  The body is stilled.  I am considering curling up next to him for a snooze too.

I've enjoyed my unexpected day home today.  The house is clean.  Bedsheets are changed.  Laundry is done.  Roku is installed.  Meals are planned for the rest of the week.  I may bake cookies too.  It's a cold and rainy day chez mooncrawl.  Feels like a good day to work in the kitchen.

I went to a parent mtg last night at One's current school, which will also be Two's school next year (it's a 3-5 grade school).  This was an orientation mtg for parents of incoming 3rd graders.  I went not expecting much, figuring I knew it all already.  I know where the art room is and that they have 2 specials/day and that this gym is for lunch and that gym is for, well, gym.  I was surprised and pleased to realize I didn't learn any of that.  Instead, the principal (in his second year here) held a great discussion about the culture of the school and his philosophy on how to shape the environment to one that will be best for all students.  He talked a lot about choice theory, which basically says that all human beings make decisions based on fulfilling one of the following needs: fun, freedom, belonging, power, or survival.  Mr. Principal explained that he met with representatives from all of the classrooms to come up with common values they all shared for their school (to treat others with respect, for example).  When there are problems, he talks with the student(s) not about whether they broke the rules or not, but whether their actions are meeting the common values that they all share.  He helps them think about it by considering which need they are trying to meet.

What a compelling discussion.  I couldn't help but think that I'd like to incorporate this around here a bit more.  I'm feeling we're a bit of a runaway train, racing down the tracks, not under any control of an engineer.  Our waters have been a bit choppy lately.  We, Bob and I, as captains, have to right our ship.  (yes, I do love to mix my metaphors.)  I talked with Bob a bit about this on the phone today, and he got inspired too.

So, we have a plan.  We are going to head out this weekend for a day away to a nearby park (Devil's Lake!!  Holla!!!).  We'll pack a picnic lunch.  We'll hike and rock climb and when the children are all good and physically worn out, we're going to have a family meeting about this very topic.  What are our common values that we share as a family?  What is our culture?  I'll make a list.  I'll post it at home.

I'm encouraged about our plan.

p.s.  I know I have some loose threads out there - football drama, sweet surprise in my mailbox.  I'll get to them, promise.

blog recommendation

Yes, I know I promised a post about football drama.

It is half-written and will be completed and posted later.

But now please leave this site and read my brother's blog.

He is hilarious and smart and funny too.

Mark's blog

In other news, it's been a rough week chez mooncrawl.
Details may follow later, but probably not so don't hold your breath.
Let's just say, I'm glad to see this week end.
I received a lovely surprise in the mailbox today.
That will be shared later - promise.
It's too sweet to keep to myself.
I'm about to head out to a mexican-inspired fiesta for my friend's birthday.
I need to blow off some steam in the worst way, so the timing could not be better.

Off to beautify myself.
I know!  I know!  Why mess with perfection?!

Have a good Friday evening, lovies.
And, more importantly, read Mark's blog.

may 16

more pictures I recently scanned - don't those little feet below the piano bench just kill you?

Quick day around here.  There is a crisis at work (not related to me at all) which has led to me going in the past 2 Mondays to help out.  Today I have to head over for just a couple of hours or so, but it's all good.  Mama needs a new pair of shoes.

(Actually, I have been bulking up my wardrobe with the whole work-thing.  I've been frugal and smart-shopping (I hope) because I don't want to be spending all my earnings on new clothes.  That's not the point of this working-gig.)

So, I've done some laundry, emptied the dishwasher, went to 2 grocery stores, and am now soon heading off to work.  And it's only 10:18 am.  I feel so accomplished!  Who said you get more done when you're busy?  It's that whole inertia thing.

Let's see... What did I want to discuss here.

Oh!  I've been trying a new parenting technique that I wanted to share - not because it's particularly brilliant or anything but because I wanted to record it to see if it makes a difference in the future.  For old struggles - not wanting to share or fighting or whatever - I've started saying, "That's not how we do things in this family.  In this family, we share with each other."  Not that I didn't give that opinion out before, but I'm specifically stating what our culture is here in our family.  I kind of like it.  I also kind of expect one of my kids to say, "Bullshit!*  We don't share!  I don't know what you're talking about!" but that hasn't come yet.  

In other news, I cannot stop listening to Paul Simon's new album.  I think I've gone on about it before here, but it's just so, so good.  His lyrics are so delicate and lovely.  There's a line on one song that reminds me of my grandma - "The light of her beauty is warm as a summer day."  

Off to work now.  I do like this new life of mine.  

Next post will be regarding football drama.

have a great day everyone!!!!!  :

*just an example.  None of my darlins' would ever say the word "bullshit".

photos

I figured it out!

Seems like there was a different way before, so if someone knows if I can do this without first loading my photos into picassa, please let me know.

anyhow...

here is my mom's family...

from left to right

aunt mary kay, aunt jo, grandma, pop, and my  mom

(with my big bro in front of aunt mk)

Here is my grandma holding my aunt jo with my very tanned (and blonde!) mom standing alongside.

And a more recent photo (from 20 years ago, actually) of grandma doing what she did best - 

performing on the piano.

She loved to play the piano, but even more so, she loved to have an audience.

She was the original diva.

better

thanks, Green Girl, for your advice.
This is better, but like I said, I need a fresh picture to really liven things up around here.

We had a great storm blow through this afternoon.
It was rumbly for a while, and then woosh!  Rain!  Lightening!  Hail!
Kids ran outside to play in it.
My point is - I think it's too cloudy to get a new picture of the moon tonight,

I was going to add a cute picture of the boys playing in the water today, but it's been so long since I've posted a picture that evidently I've forgotten how to.
bummer.

I'm s-l-o-w-l-y in the process of scanning photos of my grandparents to digitize them.
I also wanted to share one or two here, but alas, I don't know how.
Anyone care to send me an email to remind me the process?

Off to make sure my monkeys are asleep.
I hear little footsteps and it is ridiculously past their bedtime.

the most boring post in history

I'm playing around with the background color on this blog.  What do you think?  It looks a little poopish to me.  I'm trying to match the colors of the leaves, but I'm not hitting it.  I really just need a new picture of the moon.

my mother's day, so far

slept late

read the paper in bed (delivered by a boy with a kiss)

ate breakfast in bed (delivered by another boy who wanted to eat part of it)

changed sheets on said bed

took a shower

exchanged winter clothes for summer clothes

made piles of give-away-clothes and throw-away-clothes

took a tip from ?Oprah? and turned my hangers backwards, that was I can tell which clothes I haven't worn to assist with the shedding of unnecessary clothes in the future

organized boxes in the attic

came downstairs to an empty (!) and clean (!!) house

(Bob and boys are out on a "special mission")

I am about to watch some Netflix and relax.

(and try and find some chocolate)

My parents are coming over for a cookout in a couple of hours.

The sun is shining.  The temps are nice.

Should be a great day.

the funeral

Yesterday was my grandma's funeral.  It was both sweet and sad.  More people than I expected showed up (60 ish maybe?) - that's what you get when you way outlive all of your siblings and most of your nieces and nephews.  I was honored that many in-law types (relatives from my dad's side, as well as my aunt's husband's family) showed up, although I did make the crack to my cousin that maybe some of them come to funerals just so someone comes to theirs.  See?  I'm not that nice, even at a funeral (and I get that trait from my spicy grandma).

It felt like a nicely paced day.  The funeral home and church gave us time to spend with grandma's body - oh!  That's right!  I'm realizing through this process that I need to figure out what my parents want done (cremation or not?  where to be buried?) when it's their time.  Turns out we had differing opinions in the family about what grandma wanted.  She ended up not being cremated, and there was an open casket, which I didn't expect.  I spent hours with her dead body in her room on Saturday and it didn't bother me at all, but when I walked into the church yesterday and saw the casket opened, I got very upset and sort of yelled at my mom, "I didn't know it would be an open casket!!!!!"  I don't like the open casket, for what it's worth.  Put that first my my what-to-do-after-I-die list.

Anyway, after I got over the open-casket shock, I was able to spend some time with my beautiful grandma. It was tearful, but good.  After the funeral, we as a family watched the funeral home folks take off her ring and glasses and close the lid for the final time.  I thought, "THIS is why I don't like the open casket!"  I worried a bit about my kids, but they seemed to be doing ok with it.  I had explained to them, as soon as I realized what was going on, that it looks like she's sleeping but she's not, it's ok, she's not in her body anymore.  "It's just a shell, mom" Two said.  My aunt was pretty tearful and sort of shouted out, "bye mom!!"  It was certainly an emotional moment.

A bit about the service - faithful reader(s) probably realize that I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I do come from pretty strong Catholic roots.  So, the funeral was in a Catholic church, which was ... ok.  I really enjoyed the priest and thought he did a great job of talking about grandma - who he knew a bit from doing mass over at the nursing home once/week - but when the Catholic part of the mass continued on, the rote prayer-stuff, I just tuned out.  It so does not speak to me.  I find no comfort in the ritual of it.  It doesn't (really) offend me either, but it's just pretty meaningless.  I sat there politely, listening to the mass, patiently waiting for it to be over.

The music, on the other hand, was wonderful and very moving.  The musician - a black guy who's family is from Harlem and is "just around the corner" from my cousin's apartment - was extremely talented.  Such a fitting tribute to my musician grandma (she played ragtime jazz on the piano like no one's business, and she was a singing in an orchestra in her 20's).  It was more soulful and bluesy than grandma's tastes, but wow, so well done.  He played the piano and sang, and he played the trumpet too.  Afterwards, I went up to him to try to thank him, but I became so overcome with emotion that I could barely eek out a thanks between my sobs.  He patiently watched me try to compose myself (you know those times when you don't really want to cry but you are, and you can't talk, but you want to? yeah, one of those moments), and in the end I made some crack about how it was good he took up piano too since you can't sing and play the trumpet at the same time.  He generously laughed, and I got out of there before I embarrassed myself any further.

The luncheon afterwards was what you'd expect.  Cold sandwiches, deli salads, cupcakes.  It was a nice time to chat with folks.  The local bishop doesn't allow for personal testimony during funerals anymore, so there was a mike and a stand set up for us to share stories during the luncheon.  However, no one did. I felt a little weird about it, and Julie and I talked a couple of times about how someone should go up and  announce that the mike was available; however, I had not prepared anything so I wasn't really ready to talk.  We did play her record (in 1939, a record was made of her singing - "All of Me" and "Oh Dearie") in the background, and we chatted while the kids ran around a little crazy.

Afterwards, a small group of us went to my parents' house.  My dad has been transferring all of his old camcorder videos to DVD, so we played some videos from 1991 (20 years ago already!).  There grandma was - holding court on the piano and singing and vamping for the camera.  A fitting way to end our day.  We sat, entranced again by her talent and charm.  A bunch of us clapped after a particularly lively performance.  There were no tears, just feelings of gratitude and love.

The end of an era...

Hi folks,

My beloved grandmother died on Saturday, April 30.  Although she was recently receiving hospice services, no one expected her to die that day.  In fact, she died during "hymn sing" (which had to be explained to me - they sit in a room and sing hymns together, I have gathered).  (and, for what it's worth, I don't want to have to sing hymns if/when I'm in a nursing home - rather, how about endless runnings of the terrible reality shows that I love to watch?  Real Housewives?  The Bachelor?  we could even go old skool with Real World.  Are you with me, people?)

My mom called me right away and I tracked down my dad at the Habitat for Humanity jobsite he has been volunteering at for the past year of so.  I then rushed on over to her room at Oakwood.  I found myself listening to the new Paul Simon album over and over all day long.  It's a wonderful album, but it will forever be twinged with the sadness of that day.

I was fortunate enough to be able to sit with my aunt and parents in the room with my grandmother's body that morning. We had a mini bedside service.  The staff said very sweet things about my grandma.  My mom and aunt thanked the staff for their care and compassion to her over the past year.  I was in awe (again) of the folks that do that very basic human-care work.  The CNA's, the preschool teachers - those who serve our most fragile and precious people.  It takes a special person (and one who doesn't expect a big paycheck).  I am grateful that those folks exist.

I want to capture my thoughts about my grandma, but not now.  Instead, for anyone interested in reading more about them (and other interesting and brilliantly written stories), please check out my brother's blog: Unimpossible Life  (For those of you keeping score at home, this is my brother Mark who has recently relocated to Palestine.)

Although very sad, I keep finding myself feeling thanks for having such a rich and full relationship with my grandmother.  She was an amazing woman and a dear person to me.  I love her to bits, and I hope she is now with my grandfather and the rest of her family, whom she's been missing.