Three on a bike

So exhausted on this long day.  The spring time change is kicking my butt, and I am only recalling now that I remember having similar problems in years' past.  Not complaining though, because having daylight until after well after 7 pm is just delicious.

I have dug deep and found enough in reserves to put my bitterness I felt towards my supervisor aside.  Good thing, too, as many of my colleagues are feeling what I felt last week, and it helps to not have all of us wanting to slap her silly.  I hold onto slight hope that she will grow into a decent supervisor, but these growing pains are not fun for any of us.

I never did have that beer at 4:14 pm.  I forget what happened.  Life, I suppose.  Oh well...

I need to move onto a happy subject.  My baby, sweet Three who turns 6 already next week (already he's six?  how did that happen??) decided he wanted to ride his bike without training wheels.  I tried to teach him last summer for about 7 seconds, but he got angry and didn't want to do it.  "Fine," I said.  "You have your whole life to learn how to ride a bike."

In the fall of last year, I arranged a trade with a neighbor for a tagalong (we had one that was too big and she had one that was too small - love when these problems are so easily solved).  Three and I rode all over together on the tagalong, and he loved it.  "Woo Hoo!" he would shout, as we zipped around the streets of Madison.  "Go faster, mom!  Faster!!"

So, on Sunday Bob pulled down Three's bike, sans training wheels, from storage.  I was lazily lounging in bed, and I heard Bob say, "Three!  Look at you go!  How did you learn how to ride a bike??"  I popped up out of bed and looked out the window, and sure enough.  He was wobbling down the sidewalk all alone on his bike.  "Mom taught me," he shouted back.

Not true.  Other than riding (faster!) on the tagalong and that ill-fated 7 second lesson, I had nothing to do with this.  Three worked all day on Sunday.  Wobbling, a little less the more he rode.  A little more confident with each lap around the block.  He used the brakes more than his shoes.  He figured out how to start and turn.  And now, he is completely independent and loving it.  And, yes indeed, going faster!

So, for the last two days, he has ridden his bike to school.  He asked me to write his combination to his lock on a sheet of paper, which he carefully folded and put in his pocket.  When I picked him up from school yesterday, he carefully unfolded his sheet, and said, "let's crack the code!"  He thoughtfulness and care broke my heart a little.

My baby is growing up.

March 7

Well hey there stranger,

Yup, I've been absent from this here blog lately.  We are in the throws of some major changes at work, and it is making me exhausted and a bit cranky at the end of the day.  And, no one wants to read a cranky blog.  I had a very bad meeting last week (felt terribly insulted by my new supervisor) and I am digging deep to find the will to move past it.  But it is hard.  I had a one-on-one meeting with her today, and I spent most of my time chewing her out in my head.  I'm feeling very tight around her, and I don't like it.  I need to move on.  Digging deep.  Digging still.

Moving on...  I am implementing a brand new parenting strategy around here.  Boy One and Two have been bickering all afternoon (the entire 1 hour that they have been home).  What's new.  So, I am making them take the dog for a walk around the block every time they complain about each other.  "Uh oh, looks like you need more time to figure out how to be good brothers together.  Why don't you take another walk!" I cheerily suggest.  After only 2 walks, the tide turned and they went across the street the play basketball at our neighbor's hoop.

I'm going in interrupt myself here.  I just love the fact that my neighbors', whose children are all adults now, have kept up their basketball hoop and have invited my children to play there.  My kids frequently are over there playing, and they bring their friends over also.  I need to bake some cookies soon and bring them over as a thank you.  Such sweet neighbors I have.

Back to the children.  Well, that didn't last.  They just came in and added to their litany.  I suggested another walk or a joint effort of cleaning a room together.  They came up with the idea of heading down to the school to play basketball there with a neighborhood friend.  I told them I'd swing by in about 30 minutes on my way to get their youngest brother (who is thataways on an after school playdate) and One said, "No!  We need longer to bond!"  Yes, I get it that I'm being suckered, but if it gets them out of the house for a while, I'll take it.

I have more to add - so much more - but not now.  I am considering cracking open a beer and enjoying the silence of my house.  Is 4:14 pm too early to drink alone?

Back soon (I hope).

mishmash

One and Two are diligently working on their valentines.  This year, for the first year ever, I bought valentines for them to distribute - heart-shaped suckers to be exact.  Every previous year, we have made some heart-shaped card for every student - through blood, sweat and tears.  I took this year off, and I am enjoying the ease of this pre-made valentine business.

Green Girl has inspired me to have long deliberations and discussions around here about the monitoring, or lack thereof, of texting.  See, One (and Two, actually, but it is certainly more of an issue with the 5th grade set) has a free texting app on his iPod touch, and he has dived headfirst into the world of texting.  As is the name of the game with the first-born child, we are unprepared for this new experience.  We are left a bit in the dust, scratching our heads, trying to figure out the best way to parent.

Bob is steadfast in his belief that we need to allow our children freedom and independence.  Sometimes they will fall, but we need to trust that they know their limits and will turn to else when they need help.  I am a bit more leery of that freedom.  May come from being a social worker, or from talking with other parents, but I have been struggling with the desire to be more controlling, more involved, more watchful.

Tonight, on the drive home from One's indoor flag football game (which he LOVES, which is radically different than how he felt about tackle, which is just so damn great to see), I decided to trust Bob's instincts and One's judgments.  That is, until he gives me a reason not to.  I explained that to him tonight.  "Here's the deal," I said.  "I will not check your texts until you give me a reason to.  Once I have an inkling that you are being unsafe or inappropriate, I will demand you give me your passcode and I will read them."  He asked how I would get that inkling, and I explained that most other parents are checking their children's texts, and therefore what he is writing.  He played it cool, but I could tell he didn't like that.  He grumbled, "I can't wait until I'm an adult."

*****************

On Saturday, I went to an acquaintance's birthday party.  She turned 40 and threw herself a bash at a local hotel.  She and I aren't too close, but she is friends with a bunch of my good friends, and they were going, so I decided to go also.  I should add that I got invited too.  I noticed that she stumbled on my name when introducing me to others' at the party (hee hee).

Anyway, I was leery of the party and shared my leeriness with Stephanie, whom I ran into at Trader Joe's on my way over there.  Birthday Girl had a block of rooms saved for us to rent at $39.  I don't know, that sounded like trouble to me.  $39 for a hotel room?  My friends decided to rent the room so they wouldn't have to drive after a night of drinking.  Smart of them, but I kept my options open.  In the end, I ended up driving home.  I was glad to crawl into my bed.

But, back to the party.  Birthday Girl was born when her mom was 17 years old.  B'day Girl's mom has had a hard life - at least, she looks like she has.  She said to us, about 3 minutes after meeting us, "I got pregnant after having sex outside with my boyfriend.  Abortions weren't legal yet, so here she is!"  We laughed uncomfortably.  It was obvious that Birthday Girl has heard this story many times.

We had a great time.  We didn't really mingle much with the other party goers.  We ate some, drank more, and laughed ourselves silly.

February 2

Hey!  I'm actually sitting at a computer at my house.  Unusual.  I sit at a computer at work, but never, it seems, at home.  I received the best gift in the world for my birthday last fall (an iPad) and that is how I typically surf the web at home.  So handy and convenient, but not so great to type on.  This is my official excuse for never updating this blog anymore.

Anyhow, I am downstairs on the old clunker of a computer that is still chug-chug-chugging along.  I'm supposed to be working on refinancing my mortgage - dudes, rates are dirt cheap right now.  But somehow I wandered over to this dusty corner of the interwebs...

So, how's life with you? 

Things are good by me.  My little unit at work moved from my cozy, lovely workspace to the large, main office a few weeks ago.  I was fretting a bit about the move, and after the move I wasn't too happy, but now that we're settled in, it's ok.  I do miss my old co-workers and the convenience of the old office (i.e. parking), but it's fine.  I walk to work (actually, a hybrid drive/walk in order to get 3 to school on time) and I've really grown to enjoy the walk.  It's approximately a 19 minute walk each way.  Lovely to incorporate some fresh air and light cardio into my day.  I saw a bald eagle on the first walk.  One particulary c-o-o-l-d day (our only one, so far this mild winter) I took the bus, which felt very urban.  I can drive, and did the other day when my stomach wasn't agreeing with me.  I was able to find a rare 8 hour spot on the street so I didn't have to do the move-my-car-every-2-hours dance that my co-workers do every single day.  What a drag.

See what excitement you've been missing out of?  Yes, I haven't been here in a month, and I spend a paragraph talking about parking, of all things.  I'm rusty, and I'm sorry.

In other news, the kids all seem to be doing fine.  One has developed a nice group of friends, and he allows them at our house.  This is a new development.  Since 2nd grade, really, he has refused to have friends come to our house.  Teachers all have said he's social, sometimes a bit too social, but we had no idea who these children he was social with.  Something has shifted* for him this year, and he has had friends over again, including a sleepover party last weekend.  I am so happy to get to know these friends.  They seem to be sweet bunch, though a bit smelly.  I ran downstairs for something during the sleepover and whew.  Smelled like teen spirit.  It smelled like sweat and feet and it was not good.  Beware of the 11 year old boy.

Two is doing great.  He can give us a run for our money, that's for sure (recently typing a list of his favorite things that included "swaring"), but generally, he's easy to please, can go with the flow, happy go lucky.  We went ice skating a couple of times last week when we still had ice, and Two took quite the tumble.  I was busy chatting with another mom and didn't see the fall, but he showed me his red face.  And then the next day I noticed his eyebrow area was all puffed up.  It's transitioned many shades of blue and now green, and it's finally fading.  I took some pictures of it, but they didn't look as horrific as it does in person.

Three is a bit emotional this week.  His instrument is wide open.  He seems to have a shorter tolerance for frustration, which I am chalking up to his sinus/coldn thing that he's battling and lack of sleep.

Oh!  That reminds me what I really wanted to chat about here.  Still with me?

So, One moves onto middle school next year.  Where we live, he has the option to apply to go to a Charter school, which has some distinct advantages (nearby our house, later start time, smaller class size) but is a much smaller school and one which very few, if any, of his friends will attend.  He's been debating this decision, as have I.  Actually, I'm more than debating.  I've been fairly obsessed.  I am talking to people, weighing out (in my mind) the pros and cons, trying to make the perfect decision.  And then it hit me.  I've done this with everything for my poor One since he's been born.  The right kind of blanket to use for him.  Whether footed jammies were better than the ones where his little feet were free.  The right kind of yogurt to eat.  The right preschool to attend.  and on and on.  Big and little decisions were debated, over-analyzed. 

As I was doing the exact same thing with the middle school decision, I thought, "how would I feel if this were Two?  or Three?"  I realized, I would be thinking, "ahh, it will all work out.  They'll be fine at either school.  Advantages and disadvantages to both."  Poor kid, why don't I give One that same freedom, that same luxury of living life without all of the analysis?  No fricking wonder the kid has anxiety.  That realization made me feel both so sad and so relieved.  It will work out. 

So, I've stopped.  My suspicion is that he will end up going to the traditional middle school - the bigger, earlier start one, and that will be fine.  And if he goes to the closer, later start school, that will be fine too.  He will be fine either way.  Just like his brothers. 

Ever since I started working, I've been trying to live that motto.  "It will all work out."  Where Three would attend pre-school last year, who will watch the boys over the summer, how will I get all three boys and myself breakfasted and lunch-bagged and out the door on time every morning by 7:30?  It will all work out, I regularly tell myself under my breath, and it does.  So, I need to remind myself to incorporate that in my parenting.  It will all work out.

I will end on this zen, peaceful note.  I do have a mortgate to work on refinancing, after all.  I don't want to ruin the mood, but I will add a teaser for hopefully a later post.  I went to a 2 hour talk by a couple of police officers on the drug taskforce about the opiate epidemic around here, and it was fascinating.  Fascinating and scary.  I'll share more details later.  If you are a parent, you will want to know.


*Ever get a word that you just start using?  That you incorporate into daily conversation?  "Shift" is mine currently.  I use it often at work or at home, when talking about a situation changing.  I like it!  Feel free to use it yourself!

Jan 4

A short post to let you know I'm still around. The holidays were gone before we knew it but superfun while they lasted. We amped up our technology here a bit, so we are all a bit more "plugged in" than normal. Feeling equally bad and good about that.

Big changes happening for me on the work front which have made life interesting. I'm pleased to report I'm not stressing (much) about the changes and am trying to be amused and open to finding the good that is there. One bit of good? Somehow I've scored a great office with two windows. I'm geekily excited about my windows.

Bob has been off several days with the boys while I've been working and it sounds like they've had some great times together. I am so thankful that he is an involved parent who (usually) wants to be with his kids. I am home with them the last two days of their break (tomorrow and Friday) and we have plans to return to an indoor gym on one day and go swimming on the other. Looking forward to fun and playful times with them. Ice rinks *just* opened, but I fear they will close again soon with the 40 degree weather that is coming our way. Fear is too strong of a word. I'm quite happy with the warm and dry winter we've had so far.

So, in a nutshell, 2012 looks pretty good so far. 2011 was a bit of a roller coaster, but overall it was a year I am glad to behind us. I am looking forward with hope and optimism.

yard projects

It all started with the new sidewalk that was poured in front of our house this spring.

The brick walkway that made the path from the sidewalk to the front door sunk

and it was a couple of inches below the edge of the sidewalk.

My husband, ever the perfectionist and potential-lawsuit-worrier, set about his plan to fix it.

But, as with all good house projects, one thing quickly led to another.

As he assessed the state of our outdoors, he noticed the roof to our shed was rotton.

Cedar shake shingle roof - oh, so quaint but oh, so needing replacement also.

So, he, with a bunch of One's help, re-shingled the roof (early June).

He then re-stained the shed (late June).

And he, with a little bit of help from me, replaced the broken fence near the shed 

(the rest of the summer).

That was a big project, let me tell you.  

He had to dig post holes 4 feet into the earth.

We made concrete and poured them into the postholes.

We had to make the fence level

and square.

He built the rest of the fence,

and we tag-teamed painting it.

I think our neighbors were worried it would never get done.

We took many breaks during the project, and our next-door neighbor laughed at me

literally watching the paint dry on a hot and sweaty August afternoon.

With that done, it was time to tackle the front yard.

The people we bought the house from were big gardeners.

We tried our best to keep up with it, but we were clearly over our head.

Last summer, we took apart about 1/2 of the front yard's garden, 

redistributing the plants around our yard 

and to other yards in the neighborhood.

In that space, we planted grass and a cherry tree.

We decided we liked that so much that we wanted to simplify the rest of our front yard.

So, Bob disassembled the rest of the garden.

He took out the brick walkway.

He studied catalogs with different paving options.

We considered cost and style and installation effort,

and we made our decisions.

Bob's goal was to complete the project before Halloween.

His vision was to sit outside in the front yard,

with a bonfire blazing,

while children came to trick or treat.

It was that vision that kept him motivated.

So, without further ado,

here are pictures of our front yard, taken on October 31!

Note the path - gorgeous!

Note the lack of plants - maintenance free!

Note the freshly sodded yard - green and lovely!

(what is not so obvious is a small tree planted)

You can see the tree better in this shot, along with the doggie peeking out the door.

roaring fire?  check.

husband relaxing in front of it?  check.

scary halloween decorations?  check. 

This little area was a hodgepodge of plants which I battled constantly to keep weeds out of.

We got rid of it all,

placed in some large stones which were a part of our landscaping,

planted a bush,

and added in this odd gun-totin' leprechan Bob got from his boss. 

And one more shot of the path, because it is so gorgeous.

raw

missing this space here.

life has been busy.
good busy and not-so-good busy too.
we were in NYC for thanksgiving week.
that was good busy.
we ended up doing all free things all week long - at first by accident, later on purpose.
someday, I may even get a chance to post a picture or tell you what we did.

we are all decorated here.
lovely tree purchased at a fundraiser for the forestry association on UW Campus.
we got there with only 4 trees left, so we got a d-e-a-l.
I've always wanted a frasier fir but have always been too cheap to get one.
well, this year, we have one
for $20.
it's beautiful.
maybe I'll take a picture of it at some point to post it here.

I went fishing for a new job (one with benefits)
and ended up getting a permanent offer at my current place,
still part-time but with benefits.
exactly what I wanted.
Now, however, the place has seemed a little crazy.
I find myself having twinges of buyer's remorse.

I feel like I'm working a lot and I'm missing parts of my old life.
you know, the one where I baked bread
and made soap
and went to the library
and read books
and had a clean house
and listened to NPR
and cooked varied, well-balanced meals.
tonight?
Pizza Hut.
sigh...
no picture needed of that.

*****

after a calm period, things seem to be heating up again with One and his anxieties.
I am again relieved to be with a competent therapist who can guide us through this.
but still,
I yearn for perspective.
I want to know that it will all be all right,
that we will get through this,
maybe not as we thought we would,
we may be a bit broken in places,
but stronger in other ways too.
I am grateful to be on this journey with Bob.
despite our flaws individually,
and as a couple,
no one loves our boys like we do,
and I'm thankful to have him.