crawling to the moon

mishmash

2012-02-08T15:27:00.000-06:00

One and Two are diligently working on their valentines. This year, for the first year ever, I bought valentines for them to distribute - heart-shaped suckers to be exact. Every previous year, we have made some heart-shaped card for every student - through blood, sweat and tears. I took this year off, and I am enjoying the ease of this pre-made valentine business.

Green Girl has inspired me to have long deliberations and discussions around here about the monitoring, or lack thereof, of texting. See, One (and Two, actually, but it is certainly more of an issue with the 5th grade set) has a free texting app on his iPod touch, and he has dived headfirst into the world of texting. As is the name of the game with the first-born child, we are unprepared for this new experience. We are left a bit in the dust, scratching our heads, trying to figure out the best way to parent.

Bob is steadfast in his belief that we need to allow our children freedom and independence. Sometimes they will fall, but we need to trust that they know their limits and will turn to else when they need help. I am a bit more leery of that freedom. May come from being a social worker, or from talking with other parents, but I have been struggling with the desire to be more controlling, more involved, more watchful.

Tonight, on the drive home from One's indoor flag football game (which he LOVES, which is radically different than how he felt about tackle, which is just so damn great to see), I decided to trust Bob's instincts and One's judgments. That is, until he gives me a reason not to. I explained that to him tonight. "Here's the deal," I said. "I will not check your texts until you give me a reason to. Once I have an inkling that you are being unsafe or inappropriate, I will demand you give me your passcode and I will read them." He asked how I would get that inkling, and I explained that most other parents are checking their children's texts, and therefore what he is writing. He played it cool, but I could tell he didn't like that. He grumbled, "I can't wait until I'm an adult."

*****************

On Saturday, I went to an acquaintance's birthday party. She turned 40 and threw herself a bash at a local hotel. She and I aren't too close, but she is friends with a bunch of my good friends, and they were going, so I decided to go also. I should add that I got invited too. I noticed that she stumbled on my name when introducing me to others' at the party (hee hee).

Anyway, I was leery of the party and shared my leeriness with Stephanie, whom I ran into at Trader Joe's on my way over there. Birthday Girl had a block of rooms saved for us to rent at $39. I don't know, that sounded like trouble to me. $39 for a hotel room? My friends decided to rent the room so they wouldn't have to drive after a night of drinking. Smart of them, but I kept my options open. In the end, I ended up driving home. I was glad to crawl into my bed.

But, back to the party. Birthday Girl was born when her mom was 17 years old. B'day Girl's mom has had a hard life - at least, she looks like she has. She said to us, about 3 minutes after meeting us, "I got pregnant after having sex outside with my boyfriend. Abortions weren't legal yet, so here she is!" We laughed uncomfortably. It was obvious that Birthday Girl has heard this story many times.

We had a great time. We didn't really mingle much with the other party goers. We ate some, drank more, and laughed ourselves silly.

February 2

2012-02-02T20:09:00.000-06:00

Hey! I'm actually sitting at a computer at my house. Unusual. I sit at a computer at work, but never, it seems, at home. I received the best gift in the world for my birthday last fall (an iPad) and that is how I typically surf the web at home. So handy and convenient, but not so great to type on. This is my official excuse for never updating this blog anymore.

Anyhow, I am downstairs on the old clunker of a computer that is still chug-chug-chugging along. I'm supposed to be working on refinancing my mortgage - dudes, rates are dirt cheap right now. But somehow I wandered over to this dusty corner of the interwebs...

So, how's life with you?

Things are good by me. My little unit at work moved from my cozy, lovely workspace to the large, main office a few weeks ago. I was fretting a bit about the move, and after the move I wasn't too happy, but now that we're settled in, it's ok. I do miss my old co-workers and the convenience of the old office (i.e. parking), but it's fine. I walk to work (actually, a hybrid drive/walk in order to get 3 to school on time) and I've really grown to enjoy the walk. It's approximately a 19 minute walk each way. Lovely to incorporate some fresh air and light cardio into my day. I saw a bald eagle on the first walk. One particulary c-o-o-l-d day (our only one, so far this mild winter) I took the bus, which felt very urban. I can drive, and did the other day when my stomach wasn't agreeing with me. I was able to find a rare 8 hour spot on the street so I didn't have to do the move-my-car-every-2-hours dance that my co-workers do every single day. What a drag.

See what excitement you've been missing out of? Yes, I haven't been here in a month, and I spend a paragraph talking about parking, of all things. I'm rusty, and I'm sorry.

In other news, the kids all seem to be doing fine. One has developed a nice group of friends, and he allows them at our house. This is a new development. Since 2nd grade, really, he has refused to have friends come to our house. Teachers all have said he's social, sometimes a bit too social, but we had no idea who these children he was social with. Something has shifted* for him this year, and he has had friends over again, including a sleepover party last weekend. I am so happy to get to know these friends. They seem to be sweet bunch, though a bit smelly. I ran downstairs for something during the sleepover and whew. Smelled like teen spirit. It smelled like sweat and feet and it was not good. Beware of the 11 year old boy.

Two is doing great. He can give us a run for our money, that's for sure (recently typing a list of his favorite things that included "swaring"), but generally, he's easy to please, can go with the flow, happy go lucky. We went ice skating a couple of times last week when we still had ice, and Two took quite the tumble. I was busy chatting with another mom and didn't see the fall, but he showed me his red face. And then the next day I noticed his eyebrow area was all puffed up. It's transitioned many shades of blue and now green, and it's finally fading. I took some pictures of it, but they didn't look as horrific as it does in person.

Three is a bit emotional this week. His instrument is wide open. He seems to have a shorter tolerance for frustration, which I am chalking up to his sinus/coldn thing that he's battling and lack of sleep.

Oh! That reminds me what I really wanted to chat about here. Still with me?

So, One moves onto middle school next year. Where we live, he has the option to apply to go to a Charter school, which has some distinct advantages (nearby our house, later start time, smaller class size) but is a much smaller school and one which very few, if any, of his friends will attend. He's been debating this decision, as have I. Actually, I'm more than debating. I've been fairly obsessed. I am talking to people, weighing out (in my mind) the pros and cons, trying to make the perfect decision. And then it hit me. I've done this with everything for my poor One since he's been born. The right kind of blanket to use for him. Whether footed jammies were better than the ones where his little feet were free. The right kind of yogurt to eat. The right preschool to attend. and on and on. Big and little decisions were debated, over-analyzed.

As I was doing the exact same thing with the middle school decision, I thought, "how would I feel if this were Two? or Three?" I realized, I would be thinking, "ahh, it will all work out. They'll be fine at either school. Advantages and disadvantages to both." Poor kid, why don't I give One that same freedom, that same luxury of living life without all of the analysis? No fricking wonder the kid has anxiety. That realization made me feel both so sad and so relieved. It will work out.

So, I've stopped. My suspicion is that he will end up going to the traditional middle school - the bigger, earlier start one, and that will be fine. And if he goes to the closer, later start school, that will be fine too. He will be fine either way. Just like his brothers.

Ever since I started working, I've been trying to live that motto. "It will all work out." Where Three would attend pre-school last year, who will watch the boys over the summer, how will I get all three boys and myself breakfasted and lunch-bagged and out the door on time every morning by 7:30? It will all work out, I regularly tell myself under my breath, and it does. So, I need to remind myself to incorporate that in my parenting. It will all work out.

I will end on this zen, peaceful note. I do have a mortgate to work on refinancing, after all. I don't want to ruin the mood, but I will add a teaser for hopefully a later post. I went to a 2 hour talk by a couple of police officers on the drug taskforce about the opiate epidemic around here, and it was fascinating. Fascinating and scary. I'll share more details later. If you are a parent, you will want to know.

*Ever get a word that you just start using? That you incorporate into daily conversation? "Shift" is mine currently. I use it often at work or at home, when talking about a situation changing. I like it! Feel free to use it yourself!

Jan 4

2012-01-04T21:55:00.000-06:00

A short post to let you know I'm still around. The holidays were gone before we knew it but superfun while they lasted. We amped up our technology here a bit, so we are all a bit more "plugged in" than normal. Feeling equally bad and good about that.

Big changes happening for me on the work front which have made life interesting. I'm pleased to report I'm not stressing (much) about the changes and am trying to be amused and open to finding the good that is there. One bit of good? Somehow I've scored a great office with two windows. I'm geekily excited about my windows.

Bob has been off several days with the boys while I've been working and it sounds like they've had some great times together. I am so thankful that he is an involved parent who (usually) wants to be with his kids. I am home with them the last two days of their break (tomorrow and Friday) and we have plans to return to an indoor gym on one day and go swimming on the other. Looking forward to fun and playful times with them. Ice rinks *just* opened, but I fear they will close again soon with the 40 degree weather that is coming our way. Fear is too strong of a word. I'm quite happy with the warm and dry winter we've had so far.

So, in a nutshell, 2012 looks pretty good so far. 2011 was a bit of a roller coaster, but overall it was a year I am glad to behind us. I am looking forward with hope and optimism.

yard projects

2011-12-11T19:42:00.000-06:00

It all started with the new sidewalk that was poured in front of our house this spring.

The brick walkway that made the path from the sidewalk to the front door sunk

and it was a couple of inches below the edge of the sidewalk.

My husband, ever the perfectionist and potential-lawsuit-worrier, set about his plan to fix it.

But, as with all good house projects, one thing quickly led to another.

As he assessed the state of our outdoors, he noticed the roof to our shed was rotton.

Cedar shake shingle roof - oh, so quaint but oh, so needing replacement also.

So, he, with a bunch of One's help, re-shingled the roof (early June).

He then re-stained the shed (late June).

And he, with a little bit of help from me, replaced the broken fence near the shed

(the rest of the summer).

That was a big project, let me tell you.

He had to dig post holes 4 feet into the earth.

We made concrete and poured them into the postholes.

We had to make the fence level

and square.

He built the rest of the fence,

and we tag-teamed painting it.

I think our neighbors were worried it would never get done.

We took many breaks during the project, and our next-door neighbor laughed at me

literally watching the paint dry on a hot and sweaty August afternoon.

With that done, it was time to tackle the front yard.

The people we bought the house from were big gardeners.

We tried our best to keep up with it, but we were clearly over our head.

Last summer, we took apart about 1/2 of the front yard's garden,

redistributing the plants around our yard

and to other yards in the neighborhood.

In that space, we planted grass and a cherry tree.

We decided we liked that so much that we wanted to simplify the rest of our front yard.

So, Bob disassembled the rest of the garden.

He took out the brick walkway.

He studied catalogs with different paving options.

We considered cost and style and installation effort,

and we made our decisions.

Bob's goal was to complete the project before Halloween.

His vision was to sit outside in the front yard,

with a bonfire blazing,

while children came to trick or treat.

It was that vision that kept him motivated.

So, without further ado,

here are pictures of our front yard, taken on October 31!

Note the path - gorgeous!

Note the lack of plants - maintenance free!

Note the freshly sodded yard - green and lovely!

(what is not so obvious is a small tree planted)

You can see the tree better in this shot, along with the doggie peeking out the door.

roaring fire? check.

husband relaxing in front of it? check.

scary halloween decorations? check.

This little area was a hodgepodge of plants which I battled constantly to keep weeds out of.

We got rid of it all,

placed in some large stones which were a part of our landscaping,

planted a bush,

and added in this odd gun-totin' leprechan Bob got from his boss.

And one more shot of the path, because it is so gorgeous.

raw

2011-12-08T18:43:00.000-06:00

missing this space here.

life has been busy.
good busy and not-so-good busy too.
we were in NYC for thanksgiving week.
that was good busy.
we ended up doing all free things all week long - at first by accident, later on purpose.
someday, I may even get a chance to post a picture or tell you what we did.

we are all decorated here.
lovely tree purchased at a fundraiser for the forestry association on UW Campus.
we got there with only 4 trees left, so we got a d-e-a-l.
I've always wanted a frasier fir but have always been too cheap to get one.
well, this year, we have one
for $20.
it's beautiful.
maybe I'll take a picture of it at some point to post it here.

I went fishing for a new job (one with benefits)
and ended up getting a permanent offer at my current place,
still part-time but with benefits.
exactly what I wanted.
Now, however, the place has seemed a little crazy.
I find myself having twinges of buyer's remorse.

I feel like I'm working a lot and I'm missing parts of my old life.
you know, the one where I baked bread
and made soap
and went to the library
and read books
and had a clean house
and listened to NPR
and cooked varied, well-balanced meals.
tonight?
Pizza Hut.
sigh...
no picture needed of that.

*****

after a calm period, things seem to be heating up again with One and his anxieties.
I am again relieved to be with a competent therapist who can guide us through this.
but still,
I yearn for perspective.
I want to know that it will all be all right,
that we will get through this,
maybe not as we thought we would,
we may be a bit broken in places,
but stronger in other ways too.
I am grateful to be on this journey with Bob.
despite our flaws individually,
and as a couple,
no one loves our boys like we do,
and I'm thankful to have him.

bits and pieces

2011-11-16T19:49:00.000-06:00

Just banished the children to the basement to watch tv. It's so peaceful and quiet up here now. Why don't I do this more often?

Two has plans to make dinner for us tomorrow night. He has put together a list for a buffet. Included are crackers, vegetables, "frut", apple sauce, and meat.

Three's instrument is wide opened tonight. Do you know this phrase? I learned it from a friend who was in acting class, and this was a way to, I suppose, get in touch with one's feelings while acting. Anyway, we use it (probably wrong) when we are close to tears. And that is my Three tonight. Lots of things are making him sad - songs, a video, not being able to start watching a full-length movie now (at 7:45 pm).

One had an EPIC birthday party the other night, which is worthy of its own post. Let's just say that I have discovered Laser Tag and I looooooove it. If I were 20 years younger and it were an olympic sport, I'd drop everything and dedicate my life to laser tag. I still might. Dudes. I ranked 7th out of 31 in my second game. I rocked.

Three is now a puddle on the floor and needs to go to bed. Frankly, I do too. I am achy and tired and ready to go lay down.

Halloween happiness

2011-10-31T14:44:00.000-05:00

Quick check in.

One just got a phone call from a boy in his class to meet at a park about 2 miles away and play some football. (this boy lives nearby the park). One agreed to go and asked if he could ride his bike. This may seem like such a simple thing, but for my tentative boy, this is huge. We reviewed the route and I asked him to call me on my cell phone when he got there. And off he went. I fretted until he called 12 minutes later to tell me he made it. I said, "have a great time honey! I love you!" and he hung up.

I'm so happy for him to make some new friendships and branch out a little in the world.

Dear anybody and everybody else

2011-10-30T22:57:00.001-05:00

Hey y'all,

Don't be sad if I didn't write you your very only letter on this blog. I'll be happy to. Just leave a comment, and I'll get right on it.

We had a sweet weekend full of nice moments and a bit of sadness too chez mooncrawl. The boys were off from school on Thursday and Friday, and I decided not to work. I had a very lovely time with them (that is, when they weren't in a fistfight and I wasn't screaming at them to stop). On Thursday, we went to the outlet mall in Johnson Creek to purchase some clothing. Back-to-school shopping in October. Why, you ask? Well, I have decided that it's now too cold for One to continue to wear shorts, and he needs some proper pants that fit him. Now he is outfitted with "skinny jeans", dark wash doncha know. I am of the mindset not to argue with my children about what they wear to school. As long as it doesn't have holes in it and is clean (enough), I let them wear what they want. Anyhow, they twisted my arm to get them an ice cream cone from McDonalds in Lake Mills, and we meandered home on rural highways and byways from there. We were in good moods and were being silly together on the drive home. A simple moment, but one I cherish.

On Friday, we joined the rest of Madison to participate in the downtown halloween activities. We met our friends down there (one of my best buddies and her three - all similar age to my three) for lunch, and then waited, impatiently, for the 2 pm start. As soon as the clock struck 2 pm, My One and Two and L's One took off down the street, bopping into store after store grabbing candy. Only problem was that they didn't get permission to go ahead AND they were going the wrong direction. We decided to follow behind, hoping they would wait for us, but nope. They were gone. Vanished in the sea of thousands (probably hundreds, but for the sake of the story, let's stretch it). My emotions went from worried to angry pretty quickly. After 30 minutes or so, they found us. I laid into my boys - threatened to not allow them to go trick or treating on Halloween if they pulled that stunt again - and we continued on.

That night, I met some ladies out for drinks and food. Though here's the strange part, half of them didn't eat. I was looking at this crowd - a group I don't regularly go out with - and I thought, "man, they are all very skinny. Like model skinny. Like unhealthy skinny." So I suppose I wasn't that surprised when they didn't eat. But really? I don't get it. Who goes out to have a drink and eat and then not eat? Certainly not me. By 9 pm, the non-eaters were done (probably too famished to stay awake any longer) so L and I went to a movie. We saw One Day, which I had also read. It was as I expected - good enough for the cheap theater.

Saturday, Two had a flag football tournament. This is his team's third time in the tournament, and it's the third time they came in 2nd place. I'm pleased to report that Two didn't seem bothered by this at all. Sounds like all of the kids on the team were in good spirits about their second place status. I wasn't there, however, as I was at my cousin's husband funeral. I haven't mentioned this situation before. He died unexpectedly, though he did have many health complications. I am very sad for my cousin and their 17 year old daughter. He died in September while visiting his parents in Washington, and his memorial service was here on Saturday. It was lovely. My cousin did a wonderful job pulling it together. She had the musician from my grandmother's funeral perform, and he (as you may remember) is a very soulful and beautiful musician. My little cousin's choir from her school also sang, and there were many sweet stories shared about S. It was a beautiful tribute and I learned so much about S that I didn't know beforehand. Just like I love a good obit, I also love a good funeral. This one was good.

Last night, Bob and I had a date here at home. The kids were here too, but we just decided to ignore them. Well, actually, they were outside playing football in the dark, so we watched PBS American Masters - the one about The Troubadour and James Taylor and Carole King. It was great. (We were hoping to watch the Pearl Jam episode but that's not available yet online. Love Pearl Jam. Love, love, love.) After a while, the kids wandered in and joined us and watched along with us, wondering how old these people are and are they still alive? and why does their music sound like that? There was a comment in the episode about how the singer/songwriter phenomenon happened when it felt like the country was in a bit of an ugly standstill - stuck in a war they didn't like, bad economy, no new direction in music. I looked at Bob and said, "sounds familiar."

Sunday, today, was cold and rainy and low key. Two was sore from all of his football playing, so he didn't move much. The Packers had a bye week, so we didn't really know what to do with ourselves. Bob went outside to look at his newly completed yard projects (more on that later). I folded the laundry. We carved pumpkins. Bob and Two had their date, and I took Three and One to Target to do some shopping, including buying another SD memory card. Wondering why there haven't been photos lately? That's what happens when you grab the memory card out of the slot and don't put it somewhere safe.

Off to bed now. I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow. Strike that, I'm looking forward to tomorrow, trick-or-treating, being over. It's cold and nerve-wracking (who is going to run into the street in front of a car?) and there is so much expectation about getting all of this teeth rotting candy that there are bound to be tears at some point.

Dear Green Girl

2011-10-26T06:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Green Girl,

And now, a post to my other faithful reader/commenter. Hello there, Green Girl. I am so impressed with your 3k running time. At my fastest, which was admittedly very slow, you could have lapped me. Well, not white, but trust me - you are much faster.

I just read a book you recommended. The Year We Left Home by Jean Thompson. I really enjoyed it. I love books set in the Midwest, since, you know, I'm a Midwest gal myself. I love family sagas that span many years. I wish I could have gotten to hear more of the mother's voice, and I was sad that she died off of our watch. She was fascinating from afar. I also wanted to get to know Torrie as an adult - again hear her voice, hear what she thought of herself as a teenager. Thanks for the recommendation.

Last night I was cleaning up a mess that I wonder just happens in a house overrun by boys, as is my house, as is your house. My Two was grabbing something out of the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and he knocked a jar of fingernail polish into the sink where it promptly broke open and splattered all over everything. Bright pink all over my white tiled floor, toilet, sink. Two was apologetic and it wasn't his fault really< but these boys... Like bulls in a china shop. I love them all like crazy, of course, but I do crave a space - even a corner- that is mine and not overrun by chaos and boy-smell. Do you have such a space?

One has a birthday coming up. He will be 11. He has opted out of a birthday party the last couple of years (which has made me sad and worried) but perhaps another sign that life has shifted into a better, happier place for him, he wants one this year. And he seems to be making up for lost time. He is inviting 10 boys to do laser tag and the (gasp) sleepover here. 10 boys plus my 3 equals a long, loud night. Any tips for me? Have you ever hosted such a bash? My hope is that some of them will not be able to stay the night.

Time to wake my chickadees up and get the morning show on the road. I've gotten accustomed to waking up about an hour before I have to wake them up. I sometimes work out during this time, but I also just enjoy the still, quiet house. Maybe this is my corner.

I so enjoy your blog. Have a great day. Sorry autumn (not your fav) has turned ugly. Put on your favorite sweater, drink some tea, and don't look outside.

:) Teresa

Dear Stephanie

2011-10-24T14:52:00.000-05:00

Hello there new (but you feel like old) (and I mean that in a good way- really the best way possible) friend. You asked how I made my blog look like this. I truly have no idea. I clicked on some button last week sometime and I haven't figured out how to undo it. Which I'm sort of tempted to do. But you like it? Well, maybe I won't be in such a hurry to figure out how to change it.

I was thinking about you today, otherwise known as errand day. I wondered if I would run into you at Target or Woodmans. I also thought about how crafty and clever you are. Does that sound too stalkerish? I really need to watch that.

Anyway, you sweetly said you missed my words. I got a say, I miss blogging too. I'm trying to figure out what is to blame for my absence. The best I can come up with is football season, which has, thankfully, ended - at least tackle football. Three nights of sitting at the practice field for 2 hours adds up to a lot of reading time but not much time for other things - like blogging, or folding clothes, or spending time with my other children. I sort of took tackle-practice duty because my One has really struggled with his anxiety around it and my Bob doesn't do well in those situations. Good to recognize the strengths and weaknesses in a partnership, yes?

I have been pretty vague about One's Anxieties, to protect his privacy, but in the interest of recording this for my future reference, I will say that his suicide talk has all but ended (thank God) but the negative talk ("I hate my life", "I hate this so much", etc) continues. I'm taking that as progress and I'm really hammering home on "staying positive". If nothing else, I'm hoping he will quit the negativity just to get me to shut up.

One last comment about One. He has been on a real high ever since his season ended. We didn't let him quit, despite his many, many requests. We have heaped on the praise for making it to the end, and he is giddy. I am so glad we trusted our instincts to make him stick it out, though there were many nights I thought, "oh, just let him quit - it will be so much easier". That said, I did tell him he could opt out of his last practice because I was just so sick of the fight. Couldn't stand one more minute of it, really, so I gave him the go ahead to skip it. And you know what happened? He ended up going. Once I took away the pressure to go, he realized he really wanted to do it after all. He's a tricky one, that One.

And now my time is up. I have dishes to unload and wash (made cookies this afternoon for the first time in forever), clothes to get out of the drier, and work to go to. I would love to get together. Did I ever tell you how much my Two loved your Ruby at her birthday party? I know - months ago. Just forgot to tell you all along.

I hope you had a great weekend with your people.

:) Teresa

partnership, yes?

Test

2011-10-22T08:28:00.001-05:00

the update

2011-10-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

Last we left each other, I was about to bike down to check on my three 8 years old whom I sent down to the school playground. Let's pick up there...

So, I grab my dog and hop on my bike, armed with gaterades and prepared to find these 3 cuties having a great time at the playground. I wonder, as I bike, would they be doing the monkey bars? Maybe the swings. Or, maybe they lucked out and a ball was left out and they would be playing kickball.

I pull up and the playground is suspiciously quiet and empty. "Shit, where are they?" I wonder. I slowly bike by, looking for the scooters, listening for their voices, but it was a ghost town. Crickets chirping. Tumbleweeds blowing.

Are you with me?

I bike around the neighborhood, looking at the beach, going along the bay (maybe they took the scenic route home?), squiggling through the streets on the way home. "Ah, I know! I missed them on the bike ride there. They are probably waiting for me on our front deck."

I get home and nothing. Nada. No cute boys. No scooters haphazardly thrown on the grass.

I start to sweat. Did I mention that they new friend's father is a police officer? This is not the conversation I want to have with a police officer.

I decide to take the car and drive around looking for them. I go back to the usual spots and try a few more. I drive past 2 houses that house trampolines in their backyards. I don't get out because I don't see the tell-tale scooters in the front yards, but I slowly case the joints, listening for jumping, yelling, laughing.

I get angry. I get worried. I craft my scolding. I decide upon punishment. I see a neighbor and ask him to keep an eye out. I return home - no boys. I have now been looking for 30 minutes. I check the answering machine and hear a message from new friend's mom. "Hi! Just checking in! We'll head on over to pick our boy up in a few minutes."

Shit.

So, I take a deep breath and call them with the news. "I am embarrassed to admit this but I don't know where the boys are. Just so you know I've never lost any kids before."

"We'll find 'em," Mr. Police Officer responds. We exchange cell phone numbers and he sets off to my house. I call the other boy's mom. I quickly run down the situation and ask her what she thinks. She suspects the trampoline houses and offers to go there to look for them.

I nervously pace the house. I sweep. I dust. I look out the door, down the street. I watch the clock.

Phone rings. It's Mr. Police Officer. "We got 'em."

Turns out they got thirsty and crossed the street to the neighborhood coffee shop to get some water. (This must have been when I biked past.) They left the coffee shop and went around the corner to the neighborhood beach, where they played on the sand. They were happily scootering along home, oblivious that they were "lost".

I eat crow in front of new friend's family, apologizing for the trouble and freaking out. I chastise Two for not sticking to the plan (to school and to home - nowhere else). I sheepishly ask if new friend could come back to play again someday. "Next time with a little bit better supervision, haha," I say.

******

This morning, after the dust settled, I decided to have a little stranger-danger review with my Two. We laid in bed and strategized how he should respond if some creepo approached him with candy, or a request to help him find a lost puppy, or the line that "your mom sent me to bring you home." I reminded him to consider if it makes sense that a strange adult would ask him to help him find a missing dog. "Would I do that if Dash ran away - ask some random kid to help me?" "No, mom!" he responded. We talked about that next time he should wear a watch and come home at a specific time. That he cannot go anywhere we don't decide upon ahead of time. That maybe he could even take my phone so we can be in touch with each other.

******

In the end, I am glad it unfolded the way it did, even if new friend's parents think I'm the flakiest parent. I believe age 8 is ok to give a little taste of freedom in the world. In the end, no harm was done and some lessons were reinforced.

Hello Palestine...

2011-10-08T16:20:00.004-05:00

Unfortunately, I can't say that much longer. Those of you who aren't my facebook friends (and perhaps even those who are - damn new layout) don't know the latest in my brother's situation in Palestine. Briefly, congress has decided to cease a lot of funding (like, hundreds of millions of dollars) in aid to Palestine in response to Palestine requesting to be recognized as an official state in the eyes of the UN. Quite the F You, if you ask me. So, this means my brother's program, and his position, is over at the end of this month. I feel so badly for him, since he worked so hard to get there and wanted it so badly. Also, I am totally bummed because this time I was not going to miss the opportunity to visit him overseas. Now, of course, this time I am missing it again.

I have yet to talk with him about this, which feels weird but of course totally to be expected, given the time difference and busy schedules. I have read between the lines of his email to me and have decided that he is disappointed, of course, but not devastated. At least, that's the spin I (protective and worrysome big sister) am putting on it.

Since I started this post two days ago, Mark, my bro, has put together an eloquent and lovely blog posting about this and other important events that have happened in his life lately. Feel free to check that out, at Unimposssible Life Blog. You know this because I've said it over and over again, but I (proud and boastful big sister) love his writing.

*********************

In other news, we have continued to have full and busy lives, mainly surrounding football - Tackle for One and Flag for Two. Much to say about both experiences, but briefly, it has been an exciting season full of angst and anxiety and injuries, peppered in moments of fun (for One), and long runs and touchdowns and good-ole fun (for Two). Needless to say, we are again examining whether One will return to this sport next year. Perhaps not...

Three has opted out of playing football and seems rather disinterested in the sport as a whole. He said to me this morning, while finishing up watching One's game and preparing to drive over to see the rest of Two's game, "I wish I only had one brother so I didn't have to watch more football!" I think we've inadvertently and successful killed his desire to play. He has mentioned soccer a few times, so maybe that will be his sport. Works better, really, with his Italian name, so I'm in favor.

This is how Three spends his time at the football games:

**********************

I'm working 27.5 hours/week now (27 one week, 28 the next). I work late Mondays one week and Tuesdays the next, but I am able to pick the kiddos up after school on Monday (I work from 3:30 - 7:30 pm). The point in all of this detail is that

a. I am grateful to have a job in something that I like and am trained to do, and
b. I am grateful for the flexibility to work mainly when my kids are in school so that I see them most nights (9 out of 10) after school, but
c. I am feeling a bit pinched for my time. I would sort of dig having a day to myself to clean the house and meet a friend for lunch and even sit in my (newly) clean house and read a book. But, there just aren't enough hours in the week to make that happen.

I know I will feel better about things once I adjust to the new schedule. I also know that once football ends in a couple of weeks, I'll be more relaxed. Rushing off to football practice 3 nights/week makes things a but crazed most nights.

All of that said, I will add that I applied for a new job last week. It's part-time (20 hours/week) with the State, not exactly doing what I have been trained to do ("social worker" is not listed anywhere on the job description) but one where I could use my skills. The job itself sounds a little dry and paperwork-y, but it's permanent, with benefits. And as you probably remember from my ongoing complaints, I am still considered a "provisional" employee at my current job.

10 months in and still provisional. I do the most work of the 3 of us hired, I see the most clients, but I am still considered provisional and therefore do not have benefits, including earned time off. I know there are budget problems that are not getting any easier, but I am feeling myself getting a little bitter about it (does it show?).

So, I thought I'd throw my name at this new job and see what happens. What I would prefer is to somehow become permanent at my current gig. We'll see...

************************

Two has 2 buddies over and I sent them down the street to the school playground to play, sans adult supervision. Three eight year olds wandering the streets of Madison. Good idea? I think about my childhood and how that was totally ok. I consider the threat of harm. Someone could fall down and hurt themselves. They could get thirsty. I doubt they will be abducted - all three of them together. There are no busy streets to cross and the weather is perfectly delightful. However, all of that said, I think I will bike on down with Dashy dog now and bring them some Gaterades and make sure they are all still alive and not abducted or bleeding or lying on the ground in dehydration. Plus, what a great day! Perfect excuse for a little dog-n-me bike ride.

Mondays

2011-09-26T20:59:00.001-05:00

The purpose of this post is to remind my future self what a typical day off, Monday, is like in my world these days.

6 am - Wake up, turn on tv, check the weather, see that it's raining. Damn. Worry that my children will get cold and wet on their travels to school.
6:20 am - Start to wake up the troops. Get dressed and (cough) beautify (cough).
6:30 am - Head downstairs to work on breakfasts and lunches. Hot lunch is a "disgusting" hot dog, so cold lunches all the way around.
6:35 am - Answer the phone. It's Bob, sweetly checking in on how we're doing and making some grocery list suggestions. In my kindest voice, I remind him that now is not a good time to chat, as, in my angry, mom voice, I yell at the kids to stop from harassing each other. End the phone call shortly thereafter.
7:10 am - Walk the 2 oldest to the bus stop at the corner in the pouring rain. Take the doggie along, who is none too happy to be in the rain.
7:20 am - after a brief chitchat with other bus stop moms, head back in to get Three ready for school. Hold my breath, hoping for an easy transition.
7:30 am - drive Three to school, reminding him that he will go home after school with a friend. Smile when he happily sees a friend from his class deboarding his bus. Give him a hug and kiss and watch him bound into the school after his friend.
7:35 am - return home to grab my grocery list, overdue library books, mail to be mailed and items to be returned.
8 am to 9:30 am - listen to Pearl Jam on the Ipod as I leisurely grocery shop at Woodmans. Smile at the regular shoppers and workers. Feel accomplished that I have several meals in my cart.
9:30 am to 11 am - run errands. Return unwanted clothing, socks, video games and shoes. In turn, buy new clothing, plates, christmas gifts.
11 am - get home to put away groceries. Greet Bob, who stopped home to pick something up. Feel grateful that he pitches in to help put groceries away.
11:30 am - Chat briefly with my long-lost BFF T on her way to a meeting. Make tentative plans to talk with her later, if her meeting runs short. Then, clean bathrooms, clean out the car, do laundry.
12 pm - T calls again! Talk for 25 lovely minutes, which is not long enough but will have to do for now.
12:25 pm - run over to One's school to pick him up for therapy appt.
1 pm to 2 pm - Participate in therapy with One. Feel comfortable and supported by this therapist - so glad to have him.
2:10 pm - pick up Two and Three at a dear friend's house who agreed to watch them after school. Take her middle child home with me to continue the playdate fun.
2:30 pm to 3:30 pm - make dinner. Hand out snacks to hungry children. Make some phone calls to family members in need.
3:30 pm to 7:40 pm - Go to work and feel like I earned my paycheck today. Challenging!
7:40 pm - return home to eat supper, greet my oldest boy, who happily informed me he is listening to Monday Night Football on the radio with his younger brother while Dad and Three are asleep upstairs. Catch up on blogs, email, facebook.
9:00 pm - Sign off here and head up to bed.

Tuesday

2011-09-20T18:39:00.000-05:00

Short report today.

I had, seriously, one of the worst days of my life.

OK.

I said, "seriously", so that means "I'm not exaggerating"

but I am

and I suppose it could have been a lot worse.

But still it was pretty damn sucky.

My Three proved his "I hate school" point today in full, technocolor detail

when he balked and refused to enter school

and then kicked his teacher and ran away.

Around the corner.

Down the sidewalk.

Across the street, and down the block.

A teacher ran with me, and eventually the principal joined us.

He continued kicking and screaming while we dragged him back to school.

He screamed "NO NO NO!" as we forced him to go into the school.

We dragged him up to her office

and he Tore It Up.

Threw down the chairs.

Pushed the table around.

Banged the chair repeatedly into the door

and

chipped the paint.

was

mortified.

The principal asked if he was like that at home.

I saw the look in her eyes.

"Is he Emotionally Disturbed?" it said.

I replied, "no, he's just very stubborn and very mad."

The principal, while sweet enough, seemed a little flustered.

She threatened to call the police if he ran across the street again.

My boy was scared and sad by that

but he didn't back down.

He refused to cry.

"Go ahead," he said. "Call the police.

I don't care!"

I left when the social worker came in and took over.

I said I had to go to work,

which was true,

but I also had to get out of there before I started crying.

It's a hell of a thing, watching your child have a complete meltdown like that.

I got to work,

muttered something like, "sorry I'm late, no I'm not ok, have to go now"

and I ran down the hall to my office.

Shut the door.

Called my husband.

And burst into tears.

The social worker and my husband both responded great.

Three settled down after I left,

played a game of Uno with the social worker,

and joined his class, where he had a great day.

We have a plan in place for tomorrow.

Three has promised me he will not do that again.

I have a sinus headache from a cold.

I am emotionally wiped out.

I am heading to bed

and I am thankful this day is over.

obligatory first day of school post

2011-09-19T20:29:00.001-05:00

19 days after school started, here I am.

Here is Three, heading off to Kindergarten:

As the picture indicates, he was excited

and nervous.

19 days in he has lost some excitement

but not the nerves.

We've had some "I quit school" moments.

And when he really means it, he'll say,

"I quit and I quit again!"

The double-quit. That's when you know you're serious.

But we're getting through it.

He's happy to hang out with same-aged kids.

He's making some new friends.

His teacher will be fine.

Not spectacular, but good enough.

(which, by the way, is the working title of my auto biography - Good Enough).

Here is Two, heading off to 3rd grade.

New school.

Bus ride (instead of walking half-mile to and from).

He is my poster child for happy student.

He loves the bus stop.

He loves his teacher and new clasamates.

He is excited about doing his homework.

He doesn't have a lot to offer at the end of the day

but whatever it is, he is happy.

So relieved,

because when he was 3 years old and sent to pre-school, he had such anxiety

that I pulled him out.

Poor kid - he would wake up in the middle of the night with worry and fright that he might have preschool that day.

I'm so glad I trusted my instincts and removed him.

Kept him home with me the rest of that school year.

Restarted when he was 4, and it went much better.

And now? He loves the challenge of the new grade, the new school.

Here is One.

Mr. Fifth Grader.

He thinks he's too cool for the first day of school photo

so he refuses to give a big, bright smile.

Little does he know that he has 7 more years of these photos.

(and maybe more, if he goes to college nearby.

I'm not above greeting him at his dorm and taking the first day of school photo there.)

We have been extremely lucky with One's teachers, all the way throughout his schooling.

Every year, we think, "this is the best teacher ever."

And nothing against the previous years' teachers,

but we keep having that feeling.

This year included.

His teacher is lovely.

A wonderful fit.

I am so thankful for this placement.

His group of buddies isn't in his class, but that's good.

He needs a push to make more friends, and here it is.

Push, my One. Go and make new friends.

The two photos below may be contenders for my Christmas Card photo.

(but the mere fact I am posting them means they won't make the cut)

They are cute, campy photos of my crew, though.

Hope your starts of school have gone well also!

putting up

2011-09-14T09:23:00.001-05:00

Home today with sick (?) kindergartner.

Very slight fever.

Achy bones.

If I wasn't working, this would be a no brainer.

"He's just in kindergarten - let him stay home!"

I would say.

Now, I'm all about, "how sick are you?

Do you think you could go in in a couple of hours?

Tomorrow you will go to school."

Doesn't help that the reaction I got from my boss was,

well,

less than positive

when I called in saying I couldn't come in.

But that's all I'm going to say about that.

So, I'm going to be productive today and continue working on my tomatoes.

I am elbow deep in tomatoes, thanks to a bumper crop at our friend's garden.

Today's mission?

More chili sauce.

I canned 22 pints of chili sauce yesterday (after working earlier in the day).

We like chili and have plenty of tomatoes, so I'll put up more.

I'll end the suspense at what I did on my "day off" on Monday.

Ready for it?

I went to 2 grocery stores.

I folded 5 baskets of laundry.

I picked the kids up from school at 1 pm (typical Mon release time).

Then, I took 1 child to a dr's appointment (football injury)

and

I worked 4 hours.

Yup, that's right.

I sort of forgot to add that I agreed to work "late Mondays" every other week.

At 2 pm, I wished I didn't have to go in.

And then the chaos started and I decided work needed me extra badly

so I headed in a tad early.

Thank God.

It was air conditioned.

It was quiet.

People smiled when they saw me

and no one ~~asked for~~ demanded a snack,

or water,

or to get their turn on the computer,

and no one, not one person, yelled at me.

I didn't want to leave.

I'll end with some photos from my canning escapes over Labor Day weekend.

Actually, in the spirit of accurate reporting,

Bob did a bunch of the canning because I was nursing a sore back.

Here's my outfit for the day (love my apron!)

Here are the tomatoes, taking a little bath.

And here they are, peeled and reading for canning.

I realize it would make sense to have a picture of the final product

but why start making sense now?

We ended up canning about 20 quarts of whole tomatoes.

have a good day, my friends!

Door County vaca 2011

2011-09-11T21:20:00.000-05:00

Hey!

Long time no blog!

We have been b-u-s-y.

Among other things, we took our week vacation to Door County.

I heart Door county.

Here are some of the 533 pictures I have from that trip:

Firstly, we stopped at Bay Beach park in Green Bay.

Have you heard of this place?

It is awesome - a city run amusement park that charges 1 - 2 tickets per ride.

And? the best part? tickets are 25 cents each.

In between the roller coaster and the giant slide,

we had the kiddos pose for a picture.

My three are on the right.

The four on the left are my older brother's kids -

the cousins that my children love so dearly.

We made it to our house late that evening.

We found my parents walking down the sidewalk, looking for us.

They had had their nightly cocktails and thought it was a good idea to search us out.

Fortunately, we came upon them only a couple of blocks from our house.

My parents do make me laugh (sometimes).

Anyway, here's our rental for the week:

Isn't she pretty?

Love this place. Feels like home.

What do I love about this place?

For one, the front porch, which is where we spend a lot of time

reading, watching the world go by, and solving all sorts of problems.

And at night, there have been many a card game played/

puzzle put together/

other games played

and drinks drunk there.

This is the view from the porch of the bay (Green Bay, which feeds into Lake Michigan but is much warmer). There is a sweet little public beach there and a boat harbor.

My favorite boat was the one with the Jolly Roger.

There's more!

This place has cable.

As in tv.

Something the children below are normally deprived of.

Many a Sponge Bob episode was watched

(which reinforced why we don't have cable).

But we didn't only veg out in front of the tv.

We played perhaps the best game ever invented

(and the name is escaping me... dang... oh! got it!)

Cranium for kids

(or something like that).

We tried playing this game on a vacation probably 5 years ago

and it was a disaster then.

Kids too young.

Now?

A total fun and riotous time was had by all.

Here is the aforementioned sidewalk.

No, these are not my parents.

That is my nephew (walking) and Three (riding his bike).

Our place is right in the heart of Fish Creek which means lots of nearby shops

and restaurants

and general hubbub.

I like hubbub.

One of the destinations we frequented on our bikes/feet was Sunset Park.

As you may imagine, there are glorious sunsets there

which conclude with applause.

No lie.

yes, this is a picture of me and Bob while I take a picture of Bob. So artsy!

But the people and the tour bus leaves prematurely.

Because it is only after the sun has set that the best part comes.

We spent some time at the beach.

Actually a couple of beaches.

This one is Peninsula State Park.

Oh, did I mention my favorite Palestinians were with us?

Yes, my bro Mark and his wife Aisha gamely joined us for the week.

Mark was pictured above in one of the sunsetty pictures.

Here is Aisha, floating on my floaty on the beach

(don't ask).

Oh, here's Mark again.

Just thinking...

probably about how great of a sister he has...

We're not good, as a group, at doing group photos.

But we captured this one below of my parents

and (almost) all of their 7 grandchildren.

Can you spot the missing grandchild?

That would be Three, who is temperamental about getting his picture taken.

We finally did get Three to participate in a group photo.

See how happy he is?

Did I mention we celebrated my parents' 46 wedding anniversary while together?

Theirs is a sweet love.

Here's a photo of the best dad and granddad ever.

All of the grandkids love him to bits, and they should,

Oh, here's a good story.

It's a lemonade out of lemons kind of tale.

The kids were owl-y, and it seemed the adults were too.

At least, I was.

I'll own it.

We decided to head out to one of our favorite Door Co hotspots.

(what? you didn't know Door Co had hotspots?

oh yeah, baby)

Turns out it was closed.

The mood in our car turned south.

There was yelling, tears, threats of big, bad punishment.

In my older brothers' car, they were probably all sitting perfectly,

solving mathematical equations,

or reading challenging chapter books

or even praying to baby Jesus in thanksgiving,

but not in my car.

It was Ug-Ly.

We decided to stop at a small

and I mean small

city park nearby where we were.

We hopped out.

The kids swung on the swings

and see-sawed on the see saw.

Sigh of relief, things seemed better.

But only for a moment.

A brother was mean to another brother.

Someone fell off the see saw.

Tears, fighting - it was all coming back.

We adults quickly found some inspiration in having some old fashioned fun.

As in three legged races.

And the trusty wheel barrow race.

Modifications of the race track were made.

I even got some video of some of it.

Unfortunately, all I have here is one photo.

But what started out as a disaster

turned into one of the more fun and unexpected moments of the week.

Love the fun and unexpected!

We eventually made it back (twice) to the hot spot:

PC Junction

where the kids could ride around a track on pedal cars

and play life-sized chess in the woods

and Bob and I could ~~have a beer~~ supervise them.

Time for another story.

This one briefer, which, you may have figured out,

is not my strong suit.

We went to Cave Point County Park one day.

I've been to Door County dozens of times,

my parents even more than that,

and none of us had ever been to this park.

It was magnificent.

Waves crashed on the shore.

Frogs were swimming in the little pools of water.

Butterflies floated.

A family enjoyed a picnic on a hidden beach.

The water (Lake Michigan) was c-c-c-cold.

50 degrees, a sign said.

Two loved it.

So did Three.

For that matter, so did One and the rest of the gang,

but I didn't get pictures of that.

Nor did I get pictures of a nice little walk in the woods we took afterwards

where we climbed to the top of "Old Baldy"

which is the largest sand dune in the state.

Who knew that Wisconsin had sand dunes?

Here is a gratuitous cute picture of my niece

who stayed the whole week with us,

along with her brother,

while their parents and older siblings returned home.

It's a sign of a good day if you can hang out in your swim suit all day long.

And here is my Two, showing off his new favorite skill

taught to him by aforementioned cute niece.

He now cartwheels everywhere he goes.

I could go on and on.

I do have 500+ more pictures afterall.

But I'll wrap it up with some photos that actually are from the last day of vacation

back here in Madison.

Mark and Aisha accompanied my wild bunch to the Memorial Union.

We ate and drank.

The boys swam one last time off the pier.

We ran into our cousin unexpectedly

which I've now done a few times this summer

which I love.

So much more to tell you...

Last day of the Goodman Pool!

First day of school!

The start of football!

Canning tomatoes!

Labor Day weekend hike in the woods!

But not now.

I'm getting ready to enjoy my first day alone

tomorrow

no kids, no husband, no work

since May 27.

Any guesses what I'll be doing?

from birthdays to bald heads

2011-08-16T06:35:00.001-05:00

Hey friends!

Mid-August already and summer keeps a chug-chugging along.

We are eagerly anticipating our vacation next week.

We had a wonderful visit with Grandpa John over the weekend where I'm pretty sure we solved all of the world's problems (now if people would only listen to us).

We had our second cousin-visit last week - this time the 2 youngest stayed for 3 nights.

One has started football (again) and is feeling a bit anxious about it (again)

but we came up with a strategy that seems to be working (fingers crossed).

Let's take a picture journey though our last few days...

My Two celebrated his 8th b'day this week.

Loyal fans of Crawling To The Moon may remember that last year,

Two had a surprise limo party for his birthday.

How fun.

How expensive.

This year, we toned it down to a sleepover party with 4 extra kids

(2 cousins and 2 friends)

plus the nanny took the gang to Laser Tag during the day.

And you know what?

That sweet boy of mine (who can also be pretty salty at times) didn't seem to care that this year's celebration was much quieter and less extravagant.

Anyhow, here is his homemade lemon cake.

Because Two loves him some lemons.

the fedora was one of his presents

The next day, we went to the Wisconsin State Fair.

What a fun and exhausting day.

So glad it only comes once a year.

Fortunately, we went on an 80 degree day (instead of 90's as it was the week before)

because 80 degrees with thousands of other people on a concrete pad with no shade is

hot

enough.

We splurged and bought the ride wristbands for the kids.

They had such a sense of freedom.

It was fantastic.

Until their cousin, who joined us, got sick from the rides.

We shuttled the cousins back to their mom and continued on at the fair

until the storm clouds started blowing in

(which I noticed when high on a ride because I still love the rides too).

We ate at Saz's Restaurant and had a great meal.

We stayed at a hotel with a mini waterpark which was unexpected and fun.

All in all, a nice little trip.

And here is my one photo to document it all

(other than some blurry shots of Thrillseeker Two on every.ride.there):

notice how it says "educational" on the bottom? almost worth the $1 admission out of curiosity!

Yesterday, we went with a group of friends to a nearby favorite summertime spot:

Pheasant Branch Conservancy.

(Stephanie - we parked on Branch Street and entered, going northbound, at Century Ave)

It's a great spot to go and wander, especially if you want to cool off.

We packed a picnic.

Some of the children behaved poorer than others

and for once?

Those ill-behaving children weren't my children.

I tried to get the kids to line up on the rocks, but that didn't quite work:

These two, however, posed like a couple of starlets:

I love these girls

and so does Three.

His biggest dilemma yesterday afternoon was which one to chose as his girlfriend.

Two told him to just pick both,

"that way you've hit the jackpot!"

I tried to capture another possible Christmas card photo,

and this is what I got:

See? THIS is why I have to start in the summer.

And lastly, Three has been not happy with his hair.

He has lovely, curly hair (especially in the back).

He gets compliments on it all the time.

But he doesn't like it.

He wants it straight.

Every day, he spends a lot of time combing it, asking,

"mom, is my hair flat?"

He has been begging for a haircut.

He's even been cutting it himself here and there.

I'll find locks of his hair on the floor in the bathroom.

So, I asked him yesterday.

"Do you want me to shave your head?"

"Yes mom!" he responded.

And so I did.

Are you ready?

Here he is, pre-haircut:

And here he is, post:

Shocking, isn't it.

He looks a little cancer-victimish.

Bob is NOT happy.

I was told to consult with him next time I do something so drastic.

I keep saying, "it's Three's hair, he gets to decide"

but I sort of privately agree.

It's not so good.

I keep thinking that it brings out his beautiful eyes.

But I miss that curly hair.

how about you?

Have you ever been tempted to see a freakshow at a fair?

Have you ever changed your child's hairstyle to the displeasure of the other parent?

christmas photo time

2011-08-07T13:19:00.000-05:00

it's that time of year again when I start thinking about trying to capture the

PERFECT

photo for a christmas/holiday card

because, of course, then it would mean my family is perfect.

hahahahahaha

but seriously folks, I do put a lot of effort into trying to come up with a clever and cute image

of my clever and cute boys.

i figured our 2 visits at the Memorial Union would be a great spot

so, as my boys eagerly climbed up into the gigantic chair that they have been eagerly climbing for years, i grabbed my camera and shot away.

this is what i got:

nope,

and.... nope.

what is with these children?

don't they know how important this is?

can't they look at the camera at the same time?

try to look like they like each other,

like they like me?

maybe i should try an action shot.

so, we moved to the pier for jumping and swimming:

closer, but not quite...

that's getting better...

not bad.

not bad at all.

to keep the suspense building, i am not sharing our top contenders

but i'm happy to report that

i got some good ones

(sort of along these lines).

and, to close,

my favorite photo from last night.

that's fearless Three, jumping in the water,

with Two on the left

and One on the right.

anyone else out there thinking about their holiday cards?

August 1 (really?!)

2011-08-01T14:26:00.000-05:00

Just banished the wild children to the basement. They were all laying here and screaming on the floor. 2/3 of them mocking the one who was just a little bit hurt. It's amazing. They are all down there now and quiet. Probably all plugged into some sort of electronic device, but look at me... I am too...

The dog days of summer are here. What are the dog days anyways? Must investigate that. One and Two had football camp this morning for 2 hours (and every morning this week) but other than that, it's a relatively quiet week. Rugby is done. T-ball wraps up this week. No swimming lessons.

Summer continues to be H.O.T. Not enough rain; some break ahead this week, with temps in the 80's instead of 90's. Hot and steamy round the clock. We will yearn for this in January, but it's getting a little tiring.

Friday night, I got to spend time with my cousins. Cousins! I love my cousins! This family of 4 girls have been going up to a church camp their entire lives and they continue to do it as adults, now bringing their children along too. They gathered in Madison on Friday night before heading up north for the week. My cousin from New Mexico stopped over on Friday to see the boys and me. She mentioned that she and her sisters and dad were going out for fish that night, and then they were heading to the Memorial Union Terrace. I sort of invited myself along. After a dip in the pool that night, One, Two and I headed over to the Union (which One kept calling "the Onion"). It was packed with people and hot and loud but so much fun. I had a cold beer and the boys got ice cream. We people watched and chatted and laughed and walked along the lakeshore. It was fun to be out with my crew until 11 pm. They were both surprised to see the city still so alive at that hour.

We all felt very wilted after the final rugby event on Saturday. Bob has been planning on rebuilding a fence for the past month. Saturday afternoon, he was digging new post holes and I guiltily watched him from inside our cool (*tip! remind me to tell you my house-cooling tip!) house. It took him until Sunday at noon to finish digging the holes. I have backed waaaaay off the pressure to get the fence built now that I see that effort it takes just to dig the holes.

So glad I'm a woman. I (think I) pull my own share of the weight around here and I don't shy away from physical tasks, but there are definitely times where I appreciate being the farer (or is it fairer?) sex.

On Sunday, we celebrated my mom's birthday. My older brother and his family came over to my parents' house. My sis-in-law and Bob and I pulled together a great little meal, if I may say so myself. I made a Grilled Pork Tenderloin that was YUM. SIL made a chocolate cake and fruit salad. Bob made a delicious little salad he pulled together including baby bib lettuce, asparagus, toasted almonds, hard boiled eggs and a great dressing he made up. It was a really fun time together. Everyone was in a good mood. We laughed about a lot of things. We got some arrangements sorted out for our upcoming family trip to Door County, satisfying my mother's need to organize trips and travel. The kids were thrilled to be with their cousins. All in all, a great weekend.

In other news, I heard today that the sweet and frail elderly woman across the street died yesterday. I had been wondering about her and asked her daughter (who lives there too) how her mom was just last week. I asked her to tell her mom "hi" from me, and I wondered if they needed anything. I am holding this family in my heart as they mourn her passing.

Life marches along for the rest of us. Groceries are put away. Laundry needs to be folded. Children will soon need more food and diversions from electronics and each other. I am thankful for this life, here and now.

* Onto my cool house tip. I have been keeping the windows shut and running my house fan through my furnace to keep my house cool. I also use my ceiling fans (on the first floor) to keep the cool air circulating. It's as cool as if I were to use may a/c! It's amazing. We do run the a/c at night when we sleep, but we have a thermostat in the second floor, so it only cools up there. Our electric/gas bills are pretty reasonable so far, considering how comfortable the house feels.

July 27

2011-07-27T21:42:00.001-05:00

Checking in mid-crazy week.

As predicted, Two is loving the humane society camp. He is a lover of all animals, that Two. He has a long list of pets he wants to acquire. Unfortunately (for him), we are at our max of one dog, so he'll have to wait until he grows up and lives in Las Vegas, which is where he just declared he wants to live. I told him Las Vegas was the city of sin. "What's that?" he asked. "Inappropriate things," I replied, wondering if this would just attract him all the more. "Ewwww," he said, and curled up his lip in disgust. "OK, I'll live in New York City instead."

One has been giving our nanny a hard time, and it's been an interesting few days. He has decided to challenge her authority (as expected, since he challenges our authority on a daily basis), and her first reaction was to dig her heals in and fight back. I have had many talks with her to "disengage" from the power struggle. I think she's getting it, or perhaps the novelty wore off for him. Either way, today was a better day with no emergency phone calls to me at work. And for that, I am thankful. Just 3 more weeks, people. Work with me here.

In brighter news, One has also been going to football camp this week, and he has been positively, absolutely loving it. Which is sort of a miracle, since he has become a sullen (pre) teenager who doesn't love anything. He is smiling. He is enthusiastic. He seems (dare I say it) happy. What a joy to see. His good vibrations have translated into some cocky behavior on the Rugby field, which I am anticipating getting an email over. I plan to chat with the head of the program briefly at our end of the season picnic this Saturday and explain that, although cocky isn't good, neither is morose and ill-tempered. We will continue to work on this, but I am a bit relieved to see some self-confidence on the field, no matter how annoying it is to the coaches.

Three has been enjoying more one-on-one time with the nanny this week, with Two and One busy with their activities. He has been a puzzle-putting-together fool. He also is spending lots of free time at our neighbor's tree swing. He's really a delightful little one. He rolls along to his big brothers' activities with little fuss and makes his own fun. So grateful for that.

One made a sweet comment to me today. We were calculating how much overlap he and Two will have in this football camp he's doing (it's for kids entering grades 4-8) and he said, "Good, we'll have a chance to do another thing together. We don't get to do too much together." I looked at him with surprise. "Really? You mean it? You actually like him?"

That was a nice surprise. I was worried all this together time this summer would drive them farther apart, but generally speaking, these boys of mine seem even tighter than ever. It's been a busy week full of sweet moments.

summer weekend

2011-07-25T07:37:00.012-05:00

We had a fun weekend, chez mooncrawl. Friday started with us going to Dick's to get 2 2-person rafts. They are 50% off - so only $15 apiece. We gathered our favorite neighborhood boys and headed over to Bernies, our neighborhood beach.

Boys on the Bay

After sufficiently getting our fill of lake water fun, we went to the Goodman Pool for their first ever "float-in" movie night. They opened the doors after 8 pm (which is normal closing time - which, years ago, with littler kids was perfect. Now? It's not open nearly late enough for us) and, for a small fee, invited anyone in who wanted to float in the pool on a floatie and watch Despicable Me. The sky got dark. The lifeguards looked cranky. The snack bar was open. We swam and floated and chatted with neighbors. It was a lovely night.

Saturday, I was surprised by a fun phone call from my bro and his wife in Palestine. Have you read his blog yet? You should. Now. Stop reading this drivel and go there.

Back already? Alrighty, I'll continue on. The next night, we went to a barn dance, hosted by our friends/neighbors who have been living abroad for the past 4 years (2 in Dubai and 2 in China). Two decided to get ready for the barn dance by getting a mohawk.

what you looking at?

I wish I would have taken pictures of the night. It was so. much. fun. I am not kidding. There was a potluck full of great food. The barn, which is where auctions are normally held, was delightful and quirky. A little ragtag band of old timers played folk and square dance-type music, and we were all directed in how to dance. Bob jumped in right away - to my surprise and pleasure. I felt a little self-counscious but soon enough joined too. The boys were much more reluctant, but after some good parental guidance (bribing with the promise of a sleepover that night with the friend we dragged along), we all danced. Bob and I even waltzed for one song and didn't do too badly. We left just as the professional band was going to start, which was before Bob and I were quite ready. But the boys were being such good sports, we wanted to leave on a good note.

So, after the sleepover on Saturday night, we s-l-o-w-l-y got up and faced Sunday. After lounging for quite a bit, we finally pulled ourselves together to head out to Governor Dodge State Park. We brought one of the boats and a floatie and enjoyed the (relatively) clean and warm lake. Good family fun.

Add caption

After swimming, we worked up quite an appetite. We ate at an old fashioned A&W drive-in. I thought the kids would get a kick out of it, but they were too hungry and cranky to really appreciate the blast from the past. I was able to catch Three in a rare moment of good cheer:

can I take your order please?

And that was that! Weekend over! Chalk a good one up in the books! (is that even a saying?)

I'm off to my busiest week of the summer. We are being pulled in many different directions this week, but it's all good stuff, so I'm looking forward to it. Two has a week-long camp at the humane society which he is tickled about. It feels like a bit of a splurge, with paying for the nanny and all, but my boy will totally love it. One has football camp every afternoon this week (from 4-6 pm - really? what a sucky time). Three has t-ball and a little school rec dept class he's been taking. One and Two have rugby two nights this week. On Friday, we will head over to the Lands End sale (local people - if you don't go to this, you are missing out!). On Saturday, I will collapse in exhaustion...

...like my boy below. I couldn't resist an extra shot of a supercute car sleeper.

Have a great week everyone!

things I love

2011-07-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

1. lazy Saturday afternoons
2. Erykah Badu
3. the Goodman Pool
4. a cold beer on a hot (and lazy) Saturday afternoon
5. biking with my dog
6. these guys, who keep me on my toes

6. sausage
7. flip flops
8. talking on the phone

July 13

2011-07-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

So very bone tired tonight.

This summer schedule is sort of whipping me.

Monday and Wednesday nights - rugby (and usually a dip in the pool).

Tuesday nights - t-ball (and usually a dip in the pool).

Thursday nights? ahhh.... nothing..... (except for a dip in the pool).

So, some things are the same.

Our love affair with the Goodman Pool has not ended this year.

Last week Bob and I "celebrated" our 20th anniversary.

Yes, as in married.

I "quoted" that word because we had a big ole fight that night.

sigh...

Fitting, I suppose, as that is how marriage goes.

Some days good. And, others? bad. very bad.

Do I reach expert status now with 20 years in?

We had a fun cousin visit last week.

My brother's 3 youngest came for 3 nights.

One of those nights, I took them to a fundraiser event where Packer's football players were promised to attend.

However, due to the strike (lock out?), only alumni players were there.

It was a sorry looking group of 7 former players, but

Ahmad Green (One's favorite player) was there

and they all seemed to be having fun and in good spirits.

Last weekend, I went up north for a girls' weekend

with my 2 aunts, 1 cousin + her girlfriend, and my mom.

And a dog who thought he would fight a raccoon under a shed.

The weekend was filled with lots of laughter and good times.

And a few silent tears here and there

(shed by me)

because I found myself so missing my grandparents,

especially my grandma, who accompanied us on this weekend 2 years ago.

There was a sweet group of old folks trying to dock their boat where we had landed for a moment.

I leapt up to help them.

Wanted to keep talking to them.

Even a little bit wished for a hug from them.

They reminded me so much of my grandparents

(just because they were old and friendly)

and I had to wipe away a tear or two to compose myself.

We're not a big crying family - or, at least, they aren't.

Obviously, I am.

Summer is going by way too fast.

A big heat wave is coming our way.

House projects are getting done.

Bob and I are talking again.

I have water lodged in my ear from the pool.

I am reading a fun and easy book - perfect summertime read.

I'm off to bed to that,

and Two, who just asked if he can sleep in my bed tonight.

How much longer can I expect that to happen?

Yup, still gone

2011-06-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

My chickadees are still gone.

Now down the street and playing dodgeball with some bigger neighborhood kids.

What a thrill.

To be acknowledged by the big kids.

Anyway, on to photos...

Here we are on the first day that pool opened.

Yes, we are the only people at the pool.

It was chilly (mid-60's) and cloudy, but that did not deter us.

or, maybe I should say, it didn't deter them.

I wisely stayed dry and warm(ish).

I am really enjoying my newfound ability to not have to be in the water at all times with them.

Yes, I've become one of those moms, who reads books at the pool.

(or, at least I try to. I'm still too nervous about one of them drowning to really sink into a book.)

(see how clever I was in that last sentence?)

Here's a photo from last week's tournament.

This is the team that beat the Packers.

The Packers are in the white and green (duh).

The Rams are in blue.

Do you see how much BIGGER they are than our team?

We wanted to see birth certificates.

There is NO WAY those kids were only in 3rd grade.

And, here's a cute little photo of Two and DashyDog from today.

They are still the best of buds.

addendum

2011-06-24T16:55:00.000-05:00

Just had to pop back in.

For the first time of my life as a parent, I had THE realization.

You know,

How life will be so quiet around here when they grow up and move away.

How I will miss them so much.

How I will worry about them when I can't tuck them in at night.

That's what a quiet house in the middle of a summer afternoon will get you.

These sudden, sad realizations that as much as they drive you insane

on an hourly basis,

you will miss them when they move away.

And one day?

They will.

June 24

2011-06-24T15:22:00.000-05:00

Lots to report on in these parts.

Two's football team (the Packers!) had a marathon of a spring tourney last Saturday. Kids started at 8:45 am. Double elimination. They won the first game handily. Got creamed the second game. Had to keep fighting to stay alive, and fight they did. They ended up making it to the championship game and played the team that creamed them earlier. By this time, Two's team had played 5 games, non-stop. The Rams (opposing team) had only played two and had plenty of time for breaks in between. It was a decent fight but in the end, the Rams were the victors. The Packers got medals for their effort and lots of pats on the back and congratulations from all of us parents (who were also exhausted by cheering and running back and forth to the nearby Walgreens to buy popsicles, ice, gatorade, water, etc). I was very proud of the whole team, including the coaches. They played an entire season (6 games) on one very hot Saturday, and no one wanted to quit, no one cried when they lost. They were good sports and learned lots about determination during that day.

I learned something too. I'm still an idiot, because at age 42, I haven't figured out that I will sunburn when sitting outside for several hours even if I'm not at a pool. I was lobster red by the end of the day, thanks to no sunscreen. Dumb. But! It has developed into a nice tan (and possibly skin cancer too - I need to get a skin check soon).

We have had a very cool and wet summer so far. Despite that, we have been to our pool 10 times, and that is not counting trips for swimming lessons. The kids yesterday had their lessons while it was 59 degrees and raining. What? Yeah, that's right! We are HARDCORE!

In other news, I rearranged my family room and living room. In the process, I vacuumed and dusted and put all the miscellaneous crap away. Love a clean, fresh house!

Also? I mowed! Love a freshly mowed lawn!

Kids are busy with their plans for a neighborhood waterpark they've developed with their best friends/neighbors. It's called Slip Away (though one considered, then tossed out, name was Slip and Die - my favorite - isn't that the greatest thing you've ever heard?) and opening day is July 1. There will be a slip and slide, sprinklers, a bodyguard, some live entertainment. Admission fee is 50 cents on the first day, 75 cents every day thereafter. They distributed fliers today to nearby kids, and they are hoping for a good turn-out. I'm totally tickled by all of the effort they've put into this.

This is spearheaded by One, whose dream is to own and manage a hotel when he grows up. Maybe it will be a waterpark hotel.

Our nanny is working out well, thankyouverymuch. Bob and I had a "how do you think she's doing" talk last night, and while there are some things we'd like a bit different, overall, I totally trust the kids with her and know they are safe. She has been great at getting them out of the house. She is managing behavioral problems well as they pop up. She feeds them and has even offered to help make dinners on those nights where we have stuff going on right in the evening. So? Nothing (really) to complain about. I'll chat with her about my thoughts, and I'm sure it will be even better next week.

Tonight, we plan to go to the Drive-In to see Cars 2. It's not the greatest weather (cool and damp) but I don't think the mosquitos are too bad yet.

The house is so quiet right now. Kids are scattered playing - some here, some down the street. I can only hear a mower in the distance and birds chirping. No tv. No video games. No fighting. Lovely. I am breathing in and enjoying this moment.

sweetness

2011-06-11T08:08:00.001-05:00

Remember my reference to a very, very bad week around here, and then a very, very sweet surprise that totally lifted my spirits? Well, here's an (edited) account.

So, it was rough, I mean r.o.u.g.h., around here, people. We had one very distressed and distraught boy which turned our whole world upside down. I am able to blog, however carefully, about it because it seems like we (meaning, We the Parents) have a better handle on things and we (meaning, we the affected family members) have started working with a very skilled and capable therapist. I am purposefully vague but will just say that I am so thankful, so very thankful, for good insurance and good mental health providers. We were able to be seen quickly, and I feel like our concerns have been heard.

Reminds me of something a wise friend told me years ago - waaaaay before I ever had children (she had 2). You can only be as happy as your saddest child. So true. So very true.

Sadly, the same week our shit was hitting the fan, a friend's long-term beau committed suicide. It's a complicated situation, to say the least, but it certainly hit a little too close to home for me. I have been unable to give my friend much support since I'm feeling pretty fragile still myself. From a distance (emails, letters) I've reached out. Soon I will call her. As the home front here is looking more stable, I certainly want to offer support to my very dear and very sad friend.

So, those two events, as well as listening to peoples tragic tales all day at work (and there are plenty of folks in my town who would love to have my problems, I get that), I was feeling pretty drained. It was the longest week in history, and I was crawling to the moon, so to speak. Just working to get to Friday, where I would be off for some me-time with some friends. Margaritas on the patio. Dancing and singing and laughing and forgetting, for a moment, all the troubles. Inch by inch, I made it to Friday. I came home, wearily checked my mail, and lo and behold, a lovely and unexpected gift was waiting for me.

Ta Da!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sweet blog-friend Stephanie at Built To Last started making these hand-stamped charms (charms? pendants?). She gave excellent step-by-step directions which totally went over my head. On her own, no prompting from me, she made one with my three boys' names on it, along with a lovely little blue bead. And delivered it to my house.

I have not stopped wearing it since. I have been coveting these on etsy for months (years?), but they are pricey! And, like I told Two yesterday (who was hitting me up for money), I'm just a social worker. No big bucks in my pay check! Gotta watch the bottom line!

I'm not a real religious person, but every time I think about this situation, I think that must have been the hand of God there, giving me a lift when I needed it most.

Thank you, Stephanie. This charm is more meaningful than maybe you know. It symbolizes that there can been light found even in a very dark time. There can be hope during despair.

Thursday evening

2011-06-09T19:45:00.000-05:00

weird energy around here tonight.
people seem cranky, tired, on edge.
boys are playing basketball across the street
and Bob is trying to start a campfire (just smoke, for now).
I think we miss Three, who has been gone since Tuesday.
My parents took him b/c he has no school this week and I have work.
Miss him sooooooooo much, deeply deeply miss him
(but I will admit that the house is quieter and the workload easier and the pace is slower -
amazing what taking one out of the mix will do).

I was going to do a post about "how we beat the heat" earlier this week.
today I should do one about "how to stay warm in June."
Weird weather - record breaking high temps (mid 90's), followed by wild storms, followed by a temp of 56 degrees now.

In other news,
got our couch professionally cleaned and decided spur of the moment to clean our basement carpet and a dining room rug.
it all looks fabulous, which is good since it all cost over $500.
what's that, you say?
$500?!
yeah, I was a bit shocked too. haven't yet told Bob that news yet.
shit.
also,
went to a "retreat" for work where there was the promise of an elvis impersonator.
instead, just got a (strange) rendition of Alfie, that song from The Titanic, and some "campfire"songs.
I was distracted all morning long by a co-worker who must have never worn a bra in her life because she looks like she has two grapefruit hanging in socks down to her waist. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen. Had a good laugh over it with another co-worker, and caused me to evaluate my own situation.
(I'm fine, I've decided - good enough support - but I recommend all of you women take a moment to consider this. The grapefruit look? NOT good.)

School is out tomorrow.
breasts are secured, right where they should be.
temps are cool.
couch is c-l-e-a-n.
and,
I get to see Three tomorrow, whom I miss more that ever (but I'm also kind of enjoying the peace and quiet of the week, can I say that twice without sounding awful?).

Brothers

2011-05-31T22:07:00.001-05:00

Weekend picture round-up....

First stop - The World's Largest Brat Fest, which, conveniently enough, is less than a mile from our house. Close enough, in fact, that we could hear the live entertainment all day and into the night. Good that we like that sort of thing. You gotta embrace all the sounds of the city if you're going to live right smack-dab in the middle.

Anyways, we went, 2 1/2 times. Friday night, we went with some friends/neighbors. Kids had a great time. We adults laughed and enjoyed ourselves too. We left probably earlier than we wanted to because the sprinkles were getting bigger and the sky was looking more ominous. Saturday night, just the five of us went back. One requested that he turn in his date night with me so that the entire family could enjoy the brat fest (actually, the rides on the midway) a bit more. Sure, we responded, feeling generous and a bit foolhardy with our money.

All three boys enjoyed the Gravity Jump, or whatever it was called. As you can see, cautious Mr. One decided to wait until the end of our time there (when it was dark) before giving it a whirl. He was the only one to do a double-flip, mid-air. They all made it look so effortless and fun. It was hard to be a curmudgeon about the obscene amount of money we spent on the rides.

On Monday, we decided to join the rest of Wisconsin (and half of Illinois) at Devil's Lake State Park. It was a bit tricky finding a parking spot, but with patience and good humor (at least by the driver), we persevered. We set off to hike and rock climb and have some good old fashioned family fun (damnit).

But seriously, it was a great day. The kids really enjoyed climbing around on the huge rocks.

We got halfway around the lake (Mark, for your orientation, we parked on the North side, took the Tumbled Rocks trail on the West Bluff, and followed the lake, counter-clockwise) and landed on the South Shore. Although we had packed food to grill out, it was stuck in our car, halfway around the lake. I was prepared and had my wallet in the backpack, so we decided to eat at the concession stand.

Kids were happy but tired. Bob and I strategically started our "what are some of our family values?" discussion, and it didn't go very far. But, we had already decided to have low expectations on it. We ended up agreeing on one value (Brothers Stick Together - which is something I've been hammering away at them for years, and I'm certain they just agreed to it to move the subject along). Bob and I tabled the topic for then, suggesting we can bring it up again later. It felt so good to be flexible and reasonable, sometime I think we parents (at least, the two of us) lose sight of sometimes. So even though we didn't get as far on the discussion that day as I would have liked, it has started. We will pick it up as we march along in life, adding more values to our list.

After our lunch break, the kids asked to play in the water. Bob and I found a shady spot and parked ourselves while the kids happily played catch together with a little football. And there it hit me - the obvious truth. Our kids fight each other, sometimes really bad. But, they do have their times when they get along, sometimes really, really well. I will not be able to extinguish the fighting all together. I need to focus on the positives, on those sweet moments (however rare) when they like each other.

As the afternoon started slipping away, we decided to keep moving. We followed the railroad tracks along the East Bluff towards our car, this time, shirts (and shoes) off. Three has taken to wearing a green "Merry Christmas" band (like those yellow LiveStrong bands) around his ankle. I don't get it, but he sure is cute.

I caught this a moment too late, but I'm keeping the picture as a reminder as to what was. One and Two made up and played an elaborate game of hot lava/railroad tracks, which included, for 100 steps, One carrying Two on his back, piggy back style. They were lost in their own world, laughing and playing and avoiding the hot lava.

It was a beautiful way to end a beautiful trip.

I call this one, "They DO like each other!"

Memorial day weekend

2011-05-29T22:23:00.000-05:00

Blogger has been f'ing with me for the past few days.
Has this happened to anyone else?
I couldn't access my blog or my dashboard - there was a weird looking header with the box "password", but it wouldn't take my password.

anyway, problem seems all cleared up now.

We are 2 days into our 3 day weekend.
Day one, aka yesterday, was wonderfully perfect:
Football practice in the morning.
Tomato plants and flowers purchased for the home.
House projects tackled (re-roofing the shed, canning cherries that have been in my freezer since, gulp, last summer) with everyone pitching in.
An impromptu trip to Bratfest to ride rides (we did not support Johnsonville Brats, at least, not during that trip to Bratfest).
Late night dinner around the table with everyone in a lovely mood.

Day two, aka today, was a bit rougher.
Bob and Two went to a movie (Pirates of the Caribbean 4), while One, Three and I went to a different one (the tamer Diary of a Wimpy Kid, part 2).
Trip to the grocery store.
Quick visit with grandparents.
Canning more cherries, planting tomato plants and flowers.
That was all good, but the day ended with a nasty fight between One and Two.
Sigh...

Tomorrow, will be known as Day three, we go to Devil's Lake to implement our plan.
Hopefully we can all behave and try to like each other, but I'm setting my expectations low.

I have lots of good pictures to share but no energy to do so now.
Canning takes a lot out of me and
I'm tired.

in other news, it was 6 months ago today that I started working again.
I've been reflecting, while canning, about how much life has changed in the past 6 months.

the unexpected and the plan

2011-05-25T13:50:00.000-05:00

Home sick with Three. He was complaining of a hurt tummy on the drive to school. I didn't believe that he was sick. He then vomited all over the car. That was when I decided to believe him.

He's such a sweet boy, even when sick, even when vomiting. He takes care of it himself - running to the closest toilet or sink, or even outside. He doesn't even complain much. I just told him it was "rest time", and he's now settling down for a little nap. The breathing is getting slower. The body is stilled. I am considering curling up next to him for a snooze too.

I've enjoyed my unexpected day home today. The house is clean. Bedsheets are changed. Laundry is done. Roku is installed. Meals are planned for the rest of the week. I may bake cookies too. It's a cold and rainy day chez mooncrawl. Feels like a good day to work in the kitchen.

I went to a parent mtg last night at One's current school, which will also be Two's school next year (it's a 3-5 grade school). This was an orientation mtg for parents of incoming 3rd graders. I went not expecting much, figuring I knew it all already. I know where the art room is and that they have 2 specials/day and that this gym is for lunch and that gym is for, well, gym. I was surprised and pleased to realize I didn't learn any of that. Instead, the principal (in his second year here) held a great discussion about the culture of the school and his philosophy on how to shape the environment to one that will be best for all students. He talked a lot about choice theory, which basically says that all human beings make decisions based on fulfilling one of the following needs: fun, freedom, belonging, power, or survival. Mr. Principal explained that he met with representatives from all of the classrooms to come up with common values they all shared for their school (to treat others with respect, for example). When there are problems, he talks with the student(s) not about whether they broke the rules or not, but whether their actions are meeting the common values that they all share. He helps them think about it by considering which need they are trying to meet.

What a compelling discussion. I couldn't help but think that I'd like to incorporate this around here a bit more. I'm feeling we're a bit of a runaway train, racing down the tracks, not under any control of an engineer. Our waters have been a bit choppy lately. We, Bob and I, as captains, have to right our ship. (yes, I do love to mix my metaphors.) I talked with Bob a bit about this on the phone today, and he got inspired too.

So, we have a plan. We are going to head out this weekend for a day away to a nearby park (Devil's Lake!! Holla!!!). We'll pack a picnic lunch. We'll hike and rock climb and when the children are all good and physically worn out, we're going to have a family meeting about this very topic. What are our common values that we share as a family? What is our culture? I'll make a list. I'll post it at home.

I'm encouraged about our plan.

p.s. I know I have some loose threads out there - football drama, sweet surprise in my mailbox. I'll get to them, promise.

blog recommendation

2011-05-20T16:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I promised a post about football drama.

It is half-written and will be completed and posted later.

But now please leave this site and read my brother's blog.

He is hilarious and smart and funny too.

Mark's blog

In other news, it's been a rough week chez mooncrawl.
Details may follow later, but probably not so don't hold your breath.
Let's just say, I'm glad to see this week end.
I received a lovely surprise in the mailbox today.
That will be shared later - promise.
It's too sweet to keep to myself.
I'm about to head out to a mexican-inspired fiesta for my friend's birthday.
I need to blow off some steam in the worst way, so the timing could not be better.

Off to beautify myself.
I know! I know! Why mess with perfection?!

Have a good Friday evening, lovies.
And, more importantly, read Mark's blog.

may 16

2011-05-16T10:28:00.001-05:00

more pictures I recently scanned - don't those little feet below the piano bench just kill you?

Quick day around here. There is a crisis at work (not related to me at all) which has led to me going in the past 2 Mondays to help out. Today I have to head over for just a couple of hours or so, but it's all good. Mama needs a new pair of shoes.

(Actually, I have been bulking up my wardrobe with the whole work-thing. I've been frugal and smart-shopping (I hope) because I don't want to be spending all my earnings on new clothes. That's not the point of this working-gig.)

So, I've done some laundry, emptied the dishwasher, went to 2 grocery stores, and am now soon heading off to work. And it's only 10:18 am. I feel so accomplished! Who said you get more done when you're busy? It's that whole inertia thing.

Let's see... What did I want to discuss here.

Oh! I've been trying a new parenting technique that I wanted to share - not because it's particularly brilliant or anything but because I wanted to record it to see if it makes a difference in the future. For old struggles - not wanting to share or fighting or whatever - I've started saying, "That's not how we do things in this family. In this family, we share with each other." Not that I didn't give that opinion out before, but I'm specifically stating what our culture is here in our family. I kind of like it. I also kind of expect one of my kids to say, "Bullshit!* We don't share! I don't know what you're talking about!" but that hasn't come yet.

In other news, I cannot stop listening to Paul Simon's new album. I think I've gone on about it before here, but it's just so, so good. His lyrics are so delicate and lovely. There's a line on one song that reminds me of my grandma - "The light of her beauty is warm as a summer day."

Off to work now. I do like this new life of mine.

Next post will be regarding football drama.

have a great day everyone!!!!! :

*just an example. None of my darlins' would ever say the word "bullshit".

photos

2011-05-11T21:24:00.000-05:00

I figured it out!

Seems like there was a different way before, so if someone knows if I can do this without first loading my photos into picassa, please let me know.

anyhow...

here is my mom's family...

from left to right

aunt mary kay, aunt jo, grandma, pop, and my mom

(with my big bro in front of aunt mk)

Here is my grandma holding my aunt jo with my very tanned (and blonde!) mom standing alongside.

And a more recent photo (from 20 years ago, actually) of grandma doing what she did best -

performing on the piano.

She loved to play the piano, but even more so, she loved to have an audience.

She was the original diva.

better

2011-05-11T20:48:00.000-05:00

thanks, Green Girl, for your advice.
This is better, but like I said, I need a fresh picture to really liven things up around here.

We had a great storm blow through this afternoon.
It was rumbly for a while, and then woosh! Rain! Lightening! Hail!
Kids ran outside to play in it.
My point is - I think it's too cloudy to get a new picture of the moon tonight,

I was going to add a cute picture of the boys playing in the water today, but it's been so long since I've posted a picture that evidently I've forgotten how to.
bummer.

I'm s-l-o-w-l-y in the process of scanning photos of my grandparents to digitize them.
I also wanted to share one or two here, but alas, I don't know how.
Anyone care to send me an email to remind me the process?

Off to make sure my monkeys are asleep.
I hear little footsteps and it is ridiculously past their bedtime.

the most boring post in history

2011-05-10T19:54:00.000-05:00

I'm playing around with the background color on this blog. What do you think? It looks a little poopish to me. I'm trying to match the colors of the leaves, but I'm not hitting it. I really just need a new picture of the moon.

my mother's day, so far

2011-05-08T12:06:00.000-05:00

slept late

read the paper in bed (delivered by a boy with a kiss)

ate breakfast in bed (delivered by another boy who wanted to eat part of it)

changed sheets on said bed

took a shower

exchanged winter clothes for summer clothes

made piles of give-away-clothes and throw-away-clothes

took a tip from ?Oprah? and turned my hangers backwards, that was I can tell which clothes I haven't worn to assist with the shedding of unnecessary clothes in the future

organized boxes in the attic

came downstairs to an empty (!) and clean (!!) house

(Bob and boys are out on a "special mission")

I am about to watch some Netflix and relax.

(and try and find some chocolate)

My parents are coming over for a cookout in a couple of hours.

The sun is shining. The temps are nice.

Should be a great day.

the funeral

2011-05-05T06:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my grandma's funeral. It was both sweet and sad. More people than I expected showed up (60 ish maybe?) - that's what you get when you way outlive all of your siblings and most of your nieces and nephews. I was honored that many in-law types (relatives from my dad's side, as well as my aunt's husband's family) showed up, although I did make the crack to my cousin that maybe some of them come to funerals just so someone comes to theirs. See? I'm not that nice, even at a funeral (and I get that trait from my spicy grandma).

It felt like a nicely paced day. The funeral home and church gave us time to spend with grandma's body - oh! That's right! I'm realizing through this process that I need to figure out what my parents want done (cremation or not? where to be buried?) when it's their time. Turns out we had differing opinions in the family about what grandma wanted. She ended up not being cremated, and there was an open casket, which I didn't expect. I spent hours with her dead body in her room on Saturday and it didn't bother me at all, but when I walked into the church yesterday and saw the casket opened, I got very upset and sort of yelled at my mom, "I didn't know it would be an open casket!!!!!" I don't like the open casket, for what it's worth. Put that first my my what-to-do-after-I-die list.

Anyway, after I got over the open-casket shock, I was able to spend some time with my beautiful grandma. It was tearful, but good. After the funeral, we as a family watched the funeral home folks take off her ring and glasses and close the lid for the final time. I thought, "THIS is why I don't like the open casket!" I worried a bit about my kids, but they seemed to be doing ok with it. I had explained to them, as soon as I realized what was going on, that it looks like she's sleeping but she's not, it's ok, she's not in her body anymore. "It's just a shell, mom" Two said. My aunt was pretty tearful and sort of shouted out, "bye mom!!" It was certainly an emotional moment.

A bit about the service - faithful reader(s) probably realize that I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I do come from pretty strong Catholic roots. So, the funeral was in a Catholic church, which was ... ok. I really enjoyed the priest and thought he did a great job of talking about grandma - who he knew a bit from doing mass over at the nursing home once/week - but when the Catholic part of the mass continued on, the rote prayer-stuff, I just tuned out. It so does not speak to me. I find no comfort in the ritual of it. It doesn't (really) offend me either, but it's just pretty meaningless. I sat there politely, listening to the mass, patiently waiting for it to be over.

The music, on the other hand, was wonderful and very moving. The musician - a black guy who's family is from Harlem and is "just around the corner" from my cousin's apartment - was extremely talented. Such a fitting tribute to my musician grandma (she played ragtime jazz on the piano like no one's business, and she was a singing in an orchestra in her 20's). It was more soulful and bluesy than grandma's tastes, but wow, so well done. He played the piano and sang, and he played the trumpet too. Afterwards, I went up to him to try to thank him, but I became so overcome with emotion that I could barely eek out a thanks between my sobs. He patiently watched me try to compose myself (you know those times when you don't really want to cry but you are, and you can't talk, but you want to? yeah, one of those moments), and in the end I made some crack about how it was good he took up piano too since you can't sing and play the trumpet at the same time. He generously laughed, and I got out of there before I embarrassed myself any further.

The luncheon afterwards was what you'd expect. Cold sandwiches, deli salads, cupcakes. It was a nice time to chat with folks. The local bishop doesn't allow for personal testimony during funerals anymore, so there was a mike and a stand set up for us to share stories during the luncheon. However, no one did. I felt a little weird about it, and Julie and I talked a couple of times about how someone should go up and announce that the mike was available; however, I had not prepared anything so I wasn't really ready to talk. We did play her record (in 1939, a record was made of her singing - "All of Me" and "Oh Dearie") in the background, and we chatted while the kids ran around a little crazy.

Afterwards, a small group of us went to my parents' house. My dad has been transferring all of his old camcorder videos to DVD, so we played some videos from 1991 (20 years ago already!). There grandma was - holding court on the piano and singing and vamping for the camera. A fitting way to end our day. We sat, entranced again by her talent and charm. A bunch of us clapped after a particularly lively performance. There were no tears, just feelings of gratitude and love.

The end of an era...

2011-05-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

Hi folks,

My beloved grandmother died on Saturday, April 30. Although she was recently receiving hospice services, no one expected her to die that day. In fact, she died during "hymn sing" (which had to be explained to me - they sit in a room and sing hymns together, I have gathered). (and, for what it's worth, I don't want to have to sing hymns if/when I'm in a nursing home - rather, how about endless runnings of the terrible reality shows that I love to watch? Real Housewives? The Bachelor? we could even go old skool with Real World. Are you with me, people?)

My mom called me right away and I tracked down my dad at the Habitat for Humanity jobsite he has been volunteering at for the past year of so. I then rushed on over to her room at Oakwood. I found myself listening to the new Paul Simon album over and over all day long. It's a wonderful album, but it will forever be twinged with the sadness of that day.

I was fortunate enough to be able to sit with my aunt and parents in the room with my grandmother's body that morning. We had a mini bedside service. The staff said very sweet things about my grandma. My mom and aunt thanked the staff for their care and compassion to her over the past year. I was in awe (again) of the folks that do that very basic human-care work. The CNA's, the preschool teachers - those who serve our most fragile and precious people. It takes a special person (and one who doesn't expect a big paycheck). I am grateful that those folks exist.

I want to capture my thoughts about my grandma, but not now. Instead, for anyone interested in reading more about them (and other interesting and brilliantly written stories), please check out my brother's blog: Unimpossible Life (For those of you keeping score at home, this is my brother Mark who has recently relocated to Palestine.)

Although very sad, I keep finding myself feeling thanks for having such a rich and full relationship with my grandmother. She was an amazing woman and a dear person to me. I love her to bits, and I hope she is now with my grandfather and the rest of her family, whom she's been missing.

SOL

2011-04-28T17:26:00.000-05:00

headache.
have one.
have had one for a couple of days.
used to have them all the time but not so much lately
(like since having kids - I think it's hormonal or something)

I am listening to Bob brainstorm with One in the other room about a school project.
One keeps rejecting ideas.
Bob said, "well, then, you're SOL."
"What does that mean?" One asks.
"Shucks out of luck," Bob replies.

Shucks out of luck.
I like it.

I cleaned out the ~~hellhole~~ basement this week.
Sent off a lot of toys to Goodwill - others to the trash.
Feels good to shed some belongings.
Bob is busy burning old paperwork that we've been keeping for far too long.
He just unearthed an email I sent to him on Feb 17, 2005.
(this was before I knew about blogs)
I wrote to him:
"at 12:02 pm today, (one) called me a 'poopyhead'.
I think he's feeling better."
made me chuckle.

It's cold and damp and yucky here.
I don't know if spring will ever come.
Right now, I'm just hunkering in, waiting for summer.

April weekend recap

2011-04-18T08:40:00.000-05:00

What a great weekend. It was precisely what I needed. My Julie came to town, and she and a couple of old college friends, my cousin Dan, my two aunts (Julie's mom and Dan's mom), and a couple of new friends from my job all met out at a watering hole for a bit Friday night. It was a fun and eclectic group. I didn't get into my bed until 3:30 am.

So, since I'm old, that took me a while to recover from. Saturday was a quiet, low-key, rainy (and snowy) day. Kids were amused and entertained by Julie and her friend Michael (who also stayed the night). Bob and Two went out for a date that night (to a fancy steak house). Two is on a journey, a vision quest I suppose, to explore all of the steak houses in town. Not to be outdone, I grilled out a couple of steaks for the boys left home with me. They were yummy. The key, my friends, is closely watching the clock while grilling and not getting distracted by facebook. (This lesson was learned by a couple of very tough pieces of chicken last week.)

On Sunday, the sun was shining again. Around noon, Bob took the kiddos to Milwaukee to a Discovery World science museum there. (Local peeps - if you have a Madison Children's Museum membership, you can get into this great spot for free. It's super fun and I'm not sure it's that well known. Check it out.)

While the boys were gone, my Julie and I visited our grandma and had a great visit. She was more lucid than I've seen in a long time. I asked the staff there if she has had a medication change lately, and a staff woman said that she is no longer taking the alzeihmers medication she had been taking. I don't know if it's related, but the difference was remarkable. She was clear headed. She followed stories. She remembered what we had been talking about. Julie and I told her about the events down at the capital lately, and she was amazed and kept going back to it - wanting to hear more. And she was spicy, which is what I've missed the most about my grandma since she developed dementia.

Afterwards, we went to my Aunt MaryKay and Uncle Dave's house for goulash with my parents, Aunt Jo (Julie's mom), and Dan, briefly. It was a lovely, fun evening on their screened porch - lots of laughter into the night.

Julie left bright and early this morning to head back to NYC. We are on our Spring Break, and we head out this morning for our annual trek to a Dells' water park with 3 other neighborhood families. Best vacation ever - kids are happily amused with each other, and I get good adult conversation with people I really like but don't see very often.

Mark - there was lots of talk last night about "when are YOU going to Palestine?" We were all asking each other. I hope this means we all do get over there to visit you.

April 13

2011-04-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

thanks, y'all, for the love after my last sad-sack post.
I felt it, and I needed it.
Especially from you, John. That was very sweet. Brought a tear to my eyes.
(I miss Donna so much and I just can't believe she's gone, but that's a whole nother post for a whole nother day.)

This week is going better.
Looks like our boy is working hard on learning his lesson.
He has written his apology note.
He is taking his lumps at home (grounding - first time ever we're using that punishment - as well as no contact with fellow-thug/neighbor boy) and at school ("in school suspension" which means spending a day in a different teacher's classroom, as well as talks with the principal and teachers).
He is ready to move on, look forward, put this in the past.
I am too.

Weather here has been wonderful.
I've biked to work and I'm happy to say I LOVE my new bike.
She's so pretty!
Some day I'll take a picture of her and show you.

Little monkeys upstairs are supposed to be settling down for bed, but that's not happening.
So this may be cut short.

Briefly,
One's emotions are running sort of high again lately (like last year).
I'm trying hard to not get sucked into his drama and to try to pay attention to the positive.
It is difficult to find that positive sometime.
Three's emotions are also sort of all over the place lately.
I don't get too excited about that, since it seems like he's just mimicking what he sees around here.
It is so much easier parenting that third child, don't you think?
I'm sure he'll end up the most centered of the bunch too.

We interviewed 6 potential applicants for summer babysitter job here.
Looking for someone to spend about 25 hours/week with our chickadees and keep them outside and active and happy and engaged.
We have narrowed it down to 2 - one boy and one girl.
Both seem great.
I may write more about this process later (it was pretty fun and the kids were very cute about it), but not now.
We're waiting for references to come back, and we'll make our final decision.

I'm looking forward to this weekend.
My Julie is coming to town.
(I have a cousin named Julia, and my boys do too, so we now refer to my cousin Julie as My Julie)
I haven't seen My Julie since last summer.
I miss her so.
She's the splash of sunshine I need.

on a scale of 1 - 10, today started as a negative 39455 but ended as a 2

2011-04-06T21:15:00.000-05:00

oh boy, a stressful last 24 hours around here.

We were on pins-n-needles about our spring elections. Still are, actually. Our gal Kloppenberg is up by (last I counted) 200 votes (over 1 million cast) for state supreme court judge. There is a recount in the works. Let's hope she stays on top. Never has "every vote counts" been so meaningful.

While laying in bed, watching the returns come in, I received a phone call from another dad at Two's school. I'd rather not get into the details, but Two made some very bad choices in behavior yesterday afterschool with another neighbor boy. The word bully was mentioned, and, honestly, it was used correctly. Bob and I had an emotional exchange about what to do about it. Two heard us talking and stumbled into our bedroom, late, accepting his punishment. The morning came and I found out about even more bad choices he made, which cause me to cry in frustration, which caused him to cry also. All in all, not one of our greatest moments chez mooncrawl.

I emailed the teacher to tell her what had happened. I called the principal also. I asked to attend a meeting with the victim's father and principal at school. My boy will not be a bully. I simply will not allow this to happen.

We have imposed strict consequences at home, and there will be more coming tomorrow at school. I am embarrassed, humiliated, frustrated.

Two acted the best he could all day after school. He was helpful and generous with his brothers. He accepted his grounding punishment without fuss. He acknowledged that his freedoms are severely limited (i.e. gone) and his ability to play with the other bully is over. He wrote a sweet letter of apology to the victim, using his best hand writing (and he included that tidbit in the note: "I am using my best hand riting.") He knows more punishment is coming tomorrow and he seems to be accepting it gracefully. I gave him a big hug tonight at bedtime and told him how proud I was of the choices he's made today, and I expect them to continue tomorrow. "forever, mom," he responded. I'll take that too.

This parenting gig is hard work. It's scary and frustrating, and sometimes? Sometimes I just want to quit. But I can't. "Dig deep" Bob told me once during a fight we were having. "Dig deep and remember why you love me." It's good advice. I've had to dig deep for strength lately, especially today.

briefly...

2011-04-04T21:58:00.000-05:00

Hi.

Brief recap...

Just set up 5 interviews for summertime babysitter for my merry crew. Hope one of these college kids works out for us. So far, the process has been fairly painless.

Had a great dinner out with some friends at a new fancy-pancy restaurant nearby last Friday night. It was quite pretentious but was able to live up it, so I'll give it a favorable review.

Had a great talk with my favorite Palestinians over the weekend. Also, connected via facebook with some friends in China. It's so nice to have round-the-world conversation while sitting in my comfy house.

One had an overnight field trip with his class. He did fabulous but another 4th grader didn't fare so well. I heard he got off the bus crying. The night before when he was lonely and missing his family, he asked a couple of kids if he could sleep with them. He ended up going into where the chaperones were. Poor kid. I hope the other kids (mine included) are kind to him and don't pick on him for having a hard time.

One is also about to have THE TALK at school. I realized we should have THE TALK here at home beforehand. I'm not quite sure what he knows and what he doesn't. I think we had a pretty frank discussion (brief, but to the point) a couple of years back in a in-a-moment discussion, but I don't know how much he remembers or understood. He knows enough to be freaked out by it, and he's freaked out. I got him a couple of books, and he is refusing to read them. He would be mortified if he knew I was even mentioning this to anyone. He is an intensely private boy, that One. I'm letting him decide if he'd rather have his father or me talk with him. I think he's leaning toward Bob, which I am quite happy with (as is Bob, which does not surprise me).

I predict that one day after having this discussion with One, we'll be having it with Two. "Wait a minute. What's this? Details, please!" will be his attitude.

Which reminds me again of how much I love having more than one child to get that sense that each one is different and their very own people, regardless of who they have as parents. I mean, I'm basically the same parent to each of my kiddos but they are such different little people. I would be very judgmental if I just had one - thinking that anyone who didn't act like my one was odd. Now, however, I'm much more humble. They are who they are, really, with little input on who is parenting them.

And, since I'm on a little roll here, Three announced excitedly to Bob tonight that his library teacher had a baby TODAY! I overheard the conversation while I was upstairs folding 145930 baskets of clothes. "But Dad. How does the baby just POP out of the tummy? I mean, how does the tummy get put back together? how does that WORK?" I heard Bob give some mild explanation about how the body just goes back together. I decided, in preparation of HIS talk in a few years, that I would explain a little more fully, so I did. "Babies don't pop out of mama's bellies, honey," I said, and I went on to give a very nice, very 5 year old version of what happens. I did it right (I hope) because he didn't seem upset or weirded out, more like, "wow. your body did that?!" Like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube, we concluded.

Off to my warm bed.

from fuzzy teeth to Grover Cleveland

2011-03-28T18:51:00.000-05:00

I'm so tired of feeling cold. The Wisconsin winter has settled into my bones. My fingers have been ice-cold for, what?, 5 months now? By the end of the night, I put my hands under my butt while laying in bed to finally warm them up.

I met with one of my favorite people today. Sadly, she was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. She is an amazing and inspirational woman, even though she feels pretty low these days. I am so sad for her, and I was relieved to see her today and offer my support in person.

I also hauled all three boys to the dentist this afternoon. 3 boys and *only* 1 cavity between all of them, though many references to "fuzzy" teeth. Ewww. Gross.

Two has recently become an aficionado of the presidents ("of the United States" he always adds). He loves to rattle off the order of the presidents. Second president? James Adams. 17th president? Andrew Johnson. Grover Cleveland? 22 and 24th president. This helps balance out his WWE obsession.

Bob and I came up with an allowance schedule over the weekend. Briefly, we have expectations of the children (pick up their room, display good brother behavior, do homework without fuss, etc), and if they meet those expectations, we will give them their allowance, which we will save part of. They will also have the opportunity to earn more money through extra jobs as they come up. I like this plan. I hope it works.

I am almost done with my laundry duties of the day. I had 5 baskets to fold and put away. I need to head upstairs now and wrap it up. I am pretty tired of laundry. Does anyone enjoy this chore?

March 21

2011-03-22T06:12:00.000-05:00

yesterday I
0. started off the day with a little yoga booty ballet
1. got the kiddos off to their schools
2. went grocery shopping
3. returned a bunch of stuff at Target
4. visited my grandma (my poor, sweet, old grandma - my heart breaks for her - I miss who she was so much)
5. ran to the doctors to drop off a "sample" because I suspect I have a UTI
6. donated blood
7. fit in a run to Trader Joes
8. realized it was after noon and I should eat something - "mid-east tray" at Trader Joes, in homage of my loves in Palestine
9. picked up the kiddos, early release, though 20 minutes later than usual thanks to the 4 day "sick in"
10. made the impulsive decision to allow One and Two to play at the school playground alone, while I
11. took Three to his annual well child check
12. surprised Three with the news that he would be getting two shots, and was proud at how brave he took it
13 returned home to collect all the children and wrap my head around a dinner plan
14. made the dinner (which was declared "gross!" by Two and flat-out denied by Three - ah, success!)
15. soothed a sad Two's hurt feelings after a rowdy neighborhood game of Kick The Can went south
16. received the news that indeed I have a bladder infection which may have traveled to my kidneys too
17. saw my neighbors who brought home our dog who was found running around the neighborhood, several blocks away (and no, we didn't know he was missing)
18. welcomed home a husband who was angry and not very pleasant to be around
19. ushered the kids upstairs to bedtime for books and snuggles, and
20. fell asleep next to One, and
21. found Two in my bed, snuggled up to the prodigal doggie.

Today I
1. walked 2.5 miles with Leslie Sansone
2. will work 9 hours, and
3. am happy to be spending the day inside, given the lousy weather we're going to have.

What's on your list?

March 20

2011-03-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

Today my baby turned 5.

We had a fun party at Pump It Up (or, Pump It Out, as I overheard Bob said - hee hee)

I'm happy to (mostly) still be in charge of the invite list, so I can make sure my people are there too.

I have such nice people.

I remembered at 7 pm that I still needed to bake brownies for the birthday boys' class tomorrow.

I was thankful to remember it at 7pm and not 10 pm,

or, even worse, 7 am tomorrow.

Friday night's shindig with some lady friends was very fun.

We developed a plan that sounded better after a few beers and in the cloak of darkness.

It includes going to a Hookah Bar and not wearing underwear -

not necessarily at the same time.

We missed the International Dinner at school yesterday because Mr Birthday Boy was running a fever.

Instead, we stayed at home, had a fire in the firepit, raked the yard, talked with neighbors.

Sat on the front porch - which hasn't been done for 5 months.

I shuttled 4 bikes over to the nearby bike shop for tune ups.

Three got brand new training wheels on his beat-up old bike.

Bob changed the storm door to the screen in the front.

Spring is here.

Brownies are done.

I am tired.

Off

relax.

checking in

2011-03-18T16:18:00.000-05:00

Hi.

So, what's new with you?

OK, enough of that.

I'm in a good mood. It's Friday and sunny. My kids are happy and at home. They have a fun night planned with their father and another father and his 3 boys down the street. All men, pizzas and movies - ending in a sleepover (there, not here, thankyouverymuch). I have a fun night planned, celebrating one of my sweet friend's birthdays at a fun hangout nearby.

Tomorrow is the International Dinner our PTO puts on. It's a fun night, and newly situated on the weekend, which I like. We have a fairly diverse school (for Wisconsin), and I love how we honor our diversity like this. The Hmong kids are going to do a dance, and the West African dance troop is also performing. The principal is doing a cooking demonstration. We are to bring something ethnic. I'm planning on making my grandma's oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies. Not very ethnic, but a favorite old recipe from our family.

Sunday is Three's fifth birthday. I can't believe my little baby is turning five. We are celebrating at Pump It Up, a jumpy, inflatable gym place. It's a splurge, but I gotta tell you - my house is a wreck and I'm so relieved to not have to entertain a dozen or so 4 and 5 year olds. Especially since it looks like it will be rainy that day. Hey - I'm a workin' mom. I get it now. I'll gladly pay to have the mess and chaos somewhere else.

A few weeks ago I started getting up early in the morning to work out before work. I haven't done that all week this week (choosing sleep over exercise), but I have ridden my bike to work three days. Now, it doesn't take me long to ride (7 minutes is all) but it's something, and I try to ride at a brisk pace so at least it's a cardio blast. Regardless, now that I've adjusted to the time change, I hope to return next week to early morning yoga booty ballet.

One complained to me after school today that "there's nothing to eat around here!" While I admit our snacks are a bit low, I offered to make him something. "What do you want?" I gamely asked. "GOLDFISH crackers!" he responded. So, I thought for a moment and said, "want to walk over to Copps to buy some? You can take some cash out of my wallet." So, away he and Two went, to cross a fairly busy street, to then cross a very busy street (with a light and walk button), to then eventually walk through a parking lot to reach the store. All in all, a 5 minute walk, so not far but potentially treacherous. I kind of held my breath while they were gone, and they came back with goldfish crackers, a couple of funny stories, and an extra spring in their step by having a taste of independence. I'm so glad I can trust them and so glad to give them those opportunities.

Off to be a bit productive. Sweep the mud, vacuum the dirt clumps - tis the spring season!

Happy weekend, y'all!

mulling and ruminating

2011-03-16T22:10:00.005-05:00

So, life has been kind of busy lately. Shall we catch up?

I missed two days of work last week. One day because my darlin' number one son was home sick. And then a later day because I was sick. Ugh. It was short-lived but ugly, if you know what I mean. A couple of emergency runs to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I hate that. I can tell you this - I'm not touching those almond crackers I was eating earlier that day for a looooong time. Yuck.

I recovered enough to join 100,000 or so of my closest protesting friends at the capitol for a little farmer-aided protesting last Saturday. It was awesome. Actually, it's sad how the proposed budget changes are going to affect the farmers too (did you know 1 in 7 farmers in WI have badgercare, our state's version of Medicaid?). I mean, making cuts that hurt farmers of all people. Those farmin' folks should get a pass for just about anything and not be so poor they have to have badgercare. That is now going to get cut. But I digress... I'm not going to make this post all political.

I came home to recover from the tractor protest and planned to return, sans children, for the welcome home rally of the Wisconsin 14, but I felt too darn yucky still to venture out again. And, although it was a beautiful sunny day, it was only 38 degrees out and windy. We are hardcore here in Wisconsin, but it wasn't a comfortable day to be outside for hours - at least, not for me. So, I watched it online here at home, bundled in a blanket. Jesse Jackson offered a prayer at the beginning for the folks in Japan, which was quite moving. I'm not a big prayer person (if you haven't picked up on that yet) - not that I have any problem with it, I just don't really know how to do it - but this one was very touching. Of course, it didn't hurt that Jesse Jackson delivered it. That guy could read from Green Eggs and Ham and it would be moving. Oh wait, he did that, didn't he? :)

Anyway, later that evening, we went to a friends' annual St. Patrick's day party. I look forward to this party every year, so this year, a few weeks ago, I arranged for one of our little neighborhood teenagers to come over and sit the boys so we could go and whoop it up, kid-free. Bob talked with another friend earlier in the week, and this friend said they were bringing their kids, so we should bring ours. Against my wishes, Bob cancelled the sitter. Turns out that it was probably an ok thing, as I was still feeling pretty punky and there was no whooping-up for me going on. We came in, hung out for a couple of hours, and left. Kids grumbled a bit about going (and I silently grumbled with them) but we saved a bunch on a babysitter, so I suppose that's something. I had a fun time reconnecting with old work friends, which is always enjoyable.

The next day, I bought a new bike at the annual spring bike-o-rama sale. (insert picture of pretty, green bike here - oh, I have yet to take a picture of it. Well, here's a link - picture it in a lovely olive green.) I absolutely lurve my new bike, and I've ridden it to work 2 days this week. Love, love, LOVE the springtime weather we're having!

Something else happened that I'm not sure I want to blog about (ha! how's that for being stinky!), so I'll just move right along... Oh, fine. I'll spill the beans. I'm pregnant. NO! Kidding! I'm not sure what came over me - I'm NOT pregnant, at least, I better not be. I'm waaaaaaay too old to that again.

Anyway, back to it... well, briefly (ha! is anything I say brief?), I had a job interview with the department in which I previously worked. Turns out it was for the exact position that I have the bulk of my professional experience doing. When I left working at the county (because I was a new mama who couldn't bear the thought of putting my new babe in daycare while I worked taking other people's children away), I left in good standing with a good, I believe, reputation of being a hard, smart, compassionate worker. At least, I think that's how they viewed me. I mentioned to the main HR person that I was thinking about returning to work at the county. She was excited and said she looked forward to my application. OK, so I applied, scored high on the test-part, and was offered an interview. I interviewed with a panel (one of whom, currently a manager, I trained when she was a new worker in my unit) and thought I did a good job. I was, I hoped, the right balance of knowledgable yet funny, serious yet engaging. You know, I worked the table a bit, and left planning on receiving a job offer. Guess what? They turned me down. They offered a job to an intern. An intern. I am still in a bit of shock about it. Turns out I had decided to turn them down (I didn't want a full time job there, since I knew it was more like a 45 or 50 hour/week job and that won't work well with my family), but they turned me down. For an intern.

Talk about a blow to one's ego.

Since then, I have processed this with a bunch of people, and my collection of experts have concluded that the job was probably offered to the (gulp) intern because I made it quite clear in the interview that I was really interested in part-time and quite a bit less interested in full-time. Since this is a full-time job, we decided they offered it to the person desiring full-time work. The HR person was sweetly apologetic in her message on my voicemail at home, and she referenced this part-time/full-time dilemma and said my name would be on their list for the next 6 months, should another position become available.

My master plan was to receive a job offer from the county and somehow parlay that into a permanent job at my current employer. I hadn't yet connected the dots yet on that plan, but I thought that if I had an offer, my current employer would scramble to keep me, since, you know, I'm so desirable and all that. Since that plan went into the dumper the moment I didn't have my bird in the hand, I decided to let go of this pressure to get a permanent position and just be thankful I have a job that I like, that is the right amount of hours, that is within biking distance of my house, etc etc.

So, get this. There kind of is a happy ending here. In step one of my above-stated-not-well-thought-out plan, I had previously told my current boss (whom, coincidently, I met at the county when we worked together and whom I also trained when she was a new worker there), A, that I had this interview coming up. Last night when I was leaving work, A asked me how the interview went and if I was leaving to work at the county. I am an awful liar, especially on the spot, so I went with the truth. I said, "nah, get this, they didn't offer it to me, they offered it to an INTERN of all people, I'm trying to be gracious about it but I'm really struggling, but turns out it's reminded me how thankful I am to have this opportunity here and how much I like working here" and bla bla bla. A told me that, shortly after she returned from a brief out-of-state living arrangement after working at the county, she reapplied there and she didn't even score well enough to get an interview. I said, "well, look at you now!" and meant it - she's a successful and respected manager at one of the largest, if not the largest, mental health clinic in the area. Anyway, we segued into talking about the possibility of her being able to post a permanent opening for the job I'm doing now ("and I hope you apply!" she said - "that's the plan!" I responded) and I left feeling a bit better about myself. If she didn't even get an interview, then I'm in good company being rejected. I have a lot of respect for A. And, sounds like she likes me too. She added some sweet compliments she's heard about me, which helped boost my bruised ego.

So, this brings me to my point. Ah! My point! A mere 12 paragraphs into this post and I'm getting to my point! I do love a meandering story.

As I was mulling and ruminating and processing with many about the fact that they didn't offer me a job, I had a middle of the night revelation. (Stephanie, funny you posted about this very topic today too) I hate middle of the night revelations! Anyway, I revelated that maybe I talk a bit too much about me. Yes, I see the irony (I love irony!) in my a. having a blog, and b. posting perhaps the longest blog post in history in where I reveal that I think I talk too much about myself. But, I think I do. I mean, does anyone else really care that much that I didn't get a lousy job offer that I was going to turn down anyways? No, and they shouldn't. They have their own worries, their own blows to their ego, their own crap-in-life they are coping with. Do I spend enough time listening to others? Or is it all about me?

So, I am going to try a PDSA. (I have no idea what those letters mean, but at work, when we want to try something new on a trial-run basis, we do a "PDSA" on it and check in after a few weeks to see how the new way is going.) I'm going to talk less about myself and listen more. Make it less about me and more about the other person.

Don't worry, faithful blog reader (s). I will still come on here to blab and blab about my little life, but in interpersonal conversations, I'll try to zip it and listen more. And on that note - zip!

yawn...

2011-03-15T23:09:00.000-05:00

very tired now.

home from a subversive action.

I LOVE A GOOD SUBVERSIVE ACTION.

briefly, a family friend (Uncle Hi - Mlark) and his partner were disappointed with the board of directors of the local Audoban Society.

they orchestrated a (hostile) takeover of the board.

I became a member.

I attended their pre-board meeting gathering for a beer and some lively conversation.

I attended the meeting and rable-roused

(yelling out "why not?!" at one point in a particularly contentious moment)

in the end, I and 200 other folks wrote in the newly nominated board members.

we outnumbered the sitting (ducks) crowd by 2 to 1.

there was some confusion as to whether our votes will count, but that's for others to figure out.

I did my part.

now it's to those who are really invested in this to make the changes necessary.

I also threw in a little argument with my father about the current political climate.

we struck a strange but doable deal.

he agreed to watch 25 minutes of Michael Moore's speech

with.an.open.mind.

I agreed to attend church and "say hi to Jesus".

I'll hold up my bargain, and

I *hope* he will too.

Off to sleep.

More to say,

but

not

now

home sick

2011-03-08T11:41:00.000-06:00

home with sick boy today

the last of my three to fall

this one - upset tummy

he feels rotten and keeps wishing for this day to be over

meanwhile,

I'm trying to be productive on this day-off-from-work.

paid bills.

organized summer-activity catalogues.

sent out invites for three's birthday.

now, I'm off to look for a good quote to add to my protest sign.

I think I'll draw inspiration from the late, great Paul Wellstone.

The sun just made a brief appearance
and now retreated behind the clouds.
It is starting to feel a bit spring-like.
I registered Three for kindergarten yesterday.
Life marches on.

Happy 12 years

2011-03-05T12:56:00.001-06:00

This weekend we celebrate 12 years of life for my bro, Mark.

No, he is older than 12 years old

(going on 40, actually, my baby brother, can't believe it)

This weekend, 12 years ago, Mark was bitten by a snake

a Gabon viper

(deadly motherf&#$er with 2 inch long fangs)

while walking in his flip flop to a friends' house in their village in W Africa

Within a few minutes, the venom starting doing its thing

and Mark was hurt.

badly hurt.

He emailed me a few days later to say that he *thought* a scorpion bit him

but no big deal

he'll be fine.

I still remember reading that email in my office at work

and thinking, "scorpion?? 'I'll be fine'??"

this doesn't sound good

and it wasn't

but, Mark was healthy and lucky and tall.

Snake only got one fang in and it was on his foot,

so the venom had a long way to travel to his heart.

Months of recovery

including returning home and getting discharged from the peace corps.

Mark decided not to go out on that note.

So, he headed back to Mali,

back in the peace corps

perhaps, slightly, because of a certain young, sweet thing who was there too.

He finished out his time there, and even extended it.

Came back to the US to continue on his do-gooder-ness here.

And now, today, he's back living overseas.

Again with that certain young, sweet thing whom he has since married

(who has an affinity for sunglasses found on trains,

and wild children,

but not dogs

or things made of plastic)

So, here's to Mark

and Aisha too.

I think about them every day

wondering how Palestine is treating them

and how they are treating Palestine.

I can't wait to get over there and see for myself.

what's good.

2011-03-04T20:26:00.000-06:00

I have a sleeping child on my lap, which is a bit of a feat, since this sleeper is nearly 5 years old and a good sized guy.
I had a productive day at work today. I was feeling behind and was able to accomplish a lot. I put on a good radio station thru itunes and jammed away to r+b as I typed, typed, typed. Writing a novel isn't in me, but I can whip together a compelling psycho-social history in 2-3 pages like nobody else.
Bob and One are off on a little Milwaukee date tonight. Bucks game, hotel in downtown. They need some time to reconnect. Things have been a little, uh, stressed between them lately. I told them both to come back friends.
Friend stopped over tonight and we processed the WI mess but agreed we are hopeful and optimistic. We even clinked our beers over it. It's good to be back to optimism.
and, now that you mention it - beer. It's been a while, but I'm enjoying a cold one or 3 tonight.
I had a great skype video talk with my bro and sis in law in Ramallah, Palestine today. Even though I put them to sleep by the end, I really enjoyed it. I was glad to see their apartment. Tech-mology is an awesome thing. Have you skyped? You should! It's free!
I got this link on facebook and I laughed until I cried and couldn't breathe. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard -- certainly not anytime recently. My soul feels cleansed. I so needed that emotional release.

March 3

2011-03-03T05:08:00.000-06:00

98 years ago today my sweet and lovely grandfather was born. He died just under 2 years ago. Pop's gentle spirit and witty sense of humor have greatly influenced me. He was a kind man, a gentleman in every sense of the word. He was progressive -- believing in human (and animal) rights and seeing the world through an ecofriendly viewpoint decades before it was in style. His favorite activities were riding his bike and sailing (both people powered) and horses and pool (in an homage, I'm sure, to his childhood on the plains of South Dakota where his father owned a livery stable and a pool hall).

Pop wasn't a real rable-rouser but more of a quiet sort. When I would visit him, he had his list of questions he'd run through -- checking in on our loved ones -- and when that was through, we would often talk current events. He would often be a voice of calm reason, wondering why we humans didn't treat each other better. Pop wasn't religious in a praise-God type of way (or really in any sort of way), but he was a profoundly in touch with being kind, doing right, achieving fairness. He quietly respected my grandmother's (and subsequently my parents') Catholic beliefs.

I still miss him dearly and I always will. I could use a dose of his gentle sensibilities these days.

And, a bit more recently, 1 year ago, my eldest son dislocated his shoulder on the playground. He and I were reminiscing about that yesterday -- can't believe it's been a year already. Much has happened but wow did that year go by quickly.

People united

2011-03-01T19:47:00.000-06:00

will never be divided.

Aw, shucks, I just don't have the protester spirit in me today.

I'm feeling defeated.

Bob told me I was obsessed with the crap at the Capitol.

(Crap at the Capitol - if I were a writing person, I'd pen a musical to that title)

Anyway, he's right.

I even admitted it here.

So, I've taken a step back and reflected on it all.

And I'm deflated.

The budget came out today.

It's bad.

B.A.D.

For the first time in my life, I'm considering moving out of state.

I don't know what that would look like or where we would go, but

slashing $900,000 million

(yes, that's just shy of $1 billion)

from EDUCATION, of all things,

makes me rethink Wisconsin as the place where I want to raise my kids.

How in the f#$% is it that people think the key to a strong state,

a vibrant, stable, strong economy,

is to cut nearly a billion dollars out of our education budget?

Makes me so mad I want to cry.

In fact, I am.

In other news.....

ah, shit.

what other news is there?

What's disgusting?

2011-02-26T09:46:00.000-06:00

Union Busting!

I posted this idea on facebook, and the more I think about it, the more right it feels.

Going down to the protests are akin to what I guess folks who seek out those tent revivals in the south are doing. It's like going to church. I feel so full of hope when I'm there. I see folks who share basically my belief system. I don't agree with everything I see or hear, but generally, we all seem to be coming from the same place, working toward the same goal. My spirit is lifted. I have a renewal in faith of the human spirit. I run into friends and family members, and there is such joy in hugging, chanting, singing together.

I've never felt this spiritually in touch when in a church, but I get it here. And it's good. I feel the spirit in ways my friends/family who attend church regularly must.

So, we plan to head back down there today.

Last night, we had 3 of our favorite little friends spend the night. We take the winter sleepover, and their parents take the summer sleepover. This tradition just sort of started, what, 2 or 3 years ago? I forget how or when exactly, but it's something we all look forward to. The six kids don't see each other so much anymore now that they are school-aged (they live in a nearby town but different school district), but they all seem to enjoy each others' company. It's a nice blend of ages and genders.

Bob and I are sorting through how we are going to accomplish today. We are a bit worried about the 2 littlest, as the are little and a bit sick. There's talk about dividing and concurring -- having one of us take the 2 little ones to the children's museum while the other marches up State Street with the big kids and the throngs. I expect a bit of resistance from the kids to this plan. Although they enjoy it when they are there, I won't lie. There is some grumbling about going. I am fully prepared to bribe.

In other news (other news? what's that?), I have a job interview with my old department next week. You may remember I had a phone interview for a job a couple of weeks ago. Turns out that job offered much lower pay than what I'm currently receiving, as well as no benefits. Did I already tell you that? No thanks, I said. Now I have this interview lined up. Unfortunately, it looks like it's only for a full time job, which is not what I want. I'm hoping this will parlay somehow into a permanent gig at my current place.

Uh oh, the grumbling has started...

show me what democracy looks like

2011-02-24T23:47:00.000-06:00

This is what democracy looks like!

Actually, this is an artsy little shot of the reflection of our beautiful state capitol.

It is stunning, especially at night.

This is what democracy looks like!

Just got back a bit ago from a nighttime trip to the capitol with One.

He said, "I've never been to the capitol at night before."

I realized I hadn't either.

We not-so-seriously toyed around with the idea of sleeping there.

We found friends and hugged and laughed.

We listened to the Assembly debate.

This is what democracy looks like!

We found lots of great signs.

My favorite is above.

We listened to a choral group sing in one of the entry hallways.

It was music for angels.

Simply glorious.

This is what democracy looks like!

We observed the folks meditating.

We found ourselves navigating around better and better.

We enjoyed the scene and felt hopeful.

We will return tomorrow.

briefly, or not, as it turns out...

2011-02-22T21:02:00.001-06:00

Hi.

Great weekend up north with the girlfriends. One of my all-time favorite people in the world is a part of the group, and the rest of them are quite fine also. As predicted, there were lots of laughs, some euchre/dirty clubs playing, and even some fairly innocent shananigans in a bar or two. We sat for hours, or so it seemed, in the outdoor hot tub Saturday morning. We kept abreast of the unfolding events in Madison, as best we could. We even had a good old fashioned snowstorm to drive through on the way home. Perfect weekend.

I am reading Raising Happiness and the first section talks about the importance of filling your own gas tank first before you can fill your child's tank. Is that the analogy? Or maybe it's putting on your own oxygen mask first. Either way, you gotta make yourself happy before you can make someone else happy. Good stuff to think about. I kind of lost sight of that in my early years of parenting, but I feel like I have a better balance of it all now.

Speaking of balance, I continue to be obsessed with the events at the state capitol in Madison. (get my irony? nothing balanced at all about my obsession.) We went again yesterday afternoon to protest. Wish I would have taken pictures of the piles of blankets and pillows neatly tucked away in corners of the capitol building, or pictures of the thousands of signs all over, showing support from Detroit, from San Francisco, from Baltimore. (Baltimore, Mark!!!)

The crowd was down from days earlier, but still there were thousands of people there. We sang "This land is your land" together. We chanted "This is what democracy looks like" when a (small) group of Students for Walker came to talk. The crowd began to boo, and then we chanted to give them a chance to talk. Because? That's what we're talking about. Letting both sides get a chance to speak. So, we respectfully listened to their side, and then went back to protesting. It was a powerful moment and one I was proud to share with my sons.

Ian's Pizza, a nearby great, local pizza joint, is so busy delivering pizzas to the capitol that they have shut down, so I've heard, for normal business. When we were at the capitol yesterday, a man offered pizza to my kids. They gladly took a piece, and he said, "this one is from Arizona." People from all over the world are phoning in, offering to pay for pizzas to keep the protesters fed. There are bags of fruit and bottles of water around, free for the grabbing. We found a box of earplugs taped to the wall. (It is very loud inside.) There is a sign-up sheet for the sleepover. We saw a sign asking protesters to please sleep on the ground, first and second floors only, please.

Police officers are abundant and look rather bored. 8 days now of protest and only 4 arrests. The vibe is peaceful, yet spirited. Lots of drumming, shaking of musical instruments, even a horn or two that we first learned of at that soccer tournament in S. Africa, was it? People look weary, but determined. Settled in. Not going anywhere. Organized and orderly.

I ran into several friends/acquaintances from my many walks of life. Lots of hugs, "power to the peoples", even a "si, se puede". We visited the office of one of the Wisconsin 14 where a friend of ours works. She looked exhausted but still had her silly sense of humor. She chatted briefly between phone calls - at least one of which was with "our guy on the lam".

At our bi-monthly (is that right? does that mean twice a month of every 2 months? I mean twice a month) staff mtg this morning, we went around the room to do a "check in". Most people give a little update about what is going on in their lives - health issues, or vacation plans - and I've normally stayed pretty quiet. Couldn't today though. I started talking about the protests and encouraged people to go up to the capitol and check it out. It's history in the making. I've never seen anything like it, nor do I expect to again. If you think you may have a kernel of interest in what's going on, I tell you, once you set foot in that building, your interest will ignite. It's contageous, the spirit that's going on there. If you aren't able to go, please watch this video. It captures the essence so beautifully.

I could go on and on. I did go on and on. It was a bummer, figuring out childcare plans for my kids while the schools shut down for 4 days, but, as a wise friend of mine said, justice sometimes takes sacrifice. When my second grader returned to school today, the entire staff of teachers were outside, welcoming the kids at the curb, and waving to the parents dropping off. That is what is so moving. We are all in this together. We support each other. Together, we will figure this out.

energized

2011-02-18T06:18:00.000-06:00

I had weird, anxious energy yesterday morning at work.

I was worried about the protests going on downtown.

I worried that it wasn't enough to make a change,

that it would just end up pissing off (more) conservatives,

that it wouldn't make a bit of difference.

And then I heard that the democratic senators left the capitol

Left The State

to avoid being bullied into voting over this bill.

I also heard that the YMCA is offering free childcare for folks (like me) who need it while school is out.

My anxiety started to settle.

And then, late afternoon, I took the boys up to the capitol.

If they are missing (three, now) days of school for this, I wanted them to see what was happening.

(instead of spending all day in the basement playing the wii - sigh)

It was amazing.

Energizing.

Thrilling.

20,000+ people, chanting, shouting, banging on drums, yelling

all united for one cause.

Kill The Bill.

I was proud to be a part of it.

I was proud to be an American.

A Wisconsinite.

A Madisonian.

I was proud to hug our teachers.

I was proud to stop by our (absent, on the lam) senator's office and give moral support.

I was proud to see One get energized by it.

I head out today for my girls weekend.

Bob plans to take the boys back for more protests.

Power to the people!

protests and budgets and boxing

2011-02-17T07:02:00.001-06:00

Second day of no school.
Teachers (and most of Madison) are mad at our new Governor.
They are calling in sick to protest. Not enough teachers = no school.
I feel like I'm missing out.

If I were working still at the County (where I was for the bulk of my career), I'd be down at the capitol, chanting and marching and sign-holding with the rest of my union brethren.

If I were at home full time with my kids, I'd be taking them up to the capitol for a real-life civics lesson, showing them democracy at work.

But instead, I'm in this weird limbo spot. Working (part-time, not permanent, one foot in/one foot out). Worrying about who will take care of my kids so I can get in, complete my duties, and earn my money. Missing out on the demonstrations and protests and excitement going on a mere couple of miles away.

I've been calling my old-work friends, looking for their stories.

I've been looking at everyone's pictures on facebook.

I've been reading the editorials in the paper, listening to the smart people on NPR, trying to understand how all of this budget stuff works and what it means.

(You know how they talk of budgets - at least the federal budget - as being in the trillions? I have no idea how to conceptualize what a trillion dollars means. Until this. I recently heard that 1 trillion dollars is to 1 million dollars as 1 million dollars is to (ready for this? you'll be shocked) 1 dollar. Think about that. Crazy.)

******************

In other news, I've been working out in the mornings before work. I've been doing Billy Blanks videos on you tube. This morning, I thought, as I was punching and jabbing away, "hey, I think I missed my calling as a boxer!" and then a couple of minutes later I caught sight of myself in the reflection of the window and realized, "wow! I TOTALY hit like a girl!"

My sweat has now dried and I'm cold. Off to the showers.

easy like Sunday morning

2011-02-13T10:59:00.000-06:00

Quiet Sunday morning around here.
It's nice.
The sun is shining.
The roof is dripping.
The! snow! is! melting!
(It's 38 degrees! ~~ heat wave~~)

I finished reading a book this morning.
I made all purpose household soap/laundry detergent yesterday.
We also went to the kids' school carnival.

I gave the kids a typewriter I bought for $5 at a garage sale a couple of years ago.
I was waiting for the right time to give it.
I think I made a good choice.
One is tap-tap-taping right now.
There have been some silly stories written
(and some WWE-related stats, but I'm ignoring those).

One and Two took about 30 minutes yesterday to learn some basics on the piano.
This was done in an effort to earn back the video games that had previously been taken away due to bad brother behavior.
But still.
I don't care if it was under duress.
I loved watching them work together and separately.
And later, Two asked if he could play the piano anytime he wanted.
He also asked if it would ever been taken away (as punishment).
I said, "as long as you don't use it like a weapon, you will not lose the piano."
I realize I laid down the gauntlet.
It is only a matter of time before he will find a way to use it like a weapon.

I got the valentine hearts Stephanie made me buy.
I am awaiting inspiration to use them.

I also just downloaded skype, so I'm all ready for across the ocean conversation.

Hope your Sunday morning is nice and easy too.

valentines fun

2011-02-09T18:28:00.002-06:00

oh. I just got an email regarding a 1/2 time social work job I applied for a few weeks ago. I had kind of written it off, but now they are looking to do a phone interview (really? I can't meet you in person?). This has sort of rattled me. I would love to stay where I am, but so far, it's still a provisional position (= no benefits, which totally and completely sucks, if I can be frank). So, I suppose I'll do the phone interview and see what happens.

I'm nervous now.

But, I originally stopped by here to record a funny little conversation with Three and me earlier today. We've been slugging through the homemade valentines for his class and 8 billion teachers (truly, only 6, but really? 6 teachers? Isn't that a bit much that he is to give valentines to the 2 main teachers, the 1 student teacher, and the 3 afterschool teachers he sees a grand total of 5 minutes/day?).

I keep getting distracted from my point. So, here goes...

Three -- "mom, when I first saw A (a girl), I thought she was hot. But then I met M (a new girl) and I didn't think A was hot anymore. M is hot!"

Me -- stunned look. after a pause, "What do you mean by hot?", asked in a slightly frightened way.

Three -- "Mom. When a boy says a girl is HOT it means she's CUTE. OK?"

I told him to stop talking and just get to work on his valentines.

I blame the Catholic church and all of this excessive valentine business on my son's newfound sexuality.

(just kidding)

drei men

2011-02-08T20:21:00.001-06:00

I'm in the mood to blog but I don't really have an agenda.

Does that ever happen to you?

I am happy today.

With my new schedule, Tuesdays are now my long day at work (9 1/2 hours today, thankyouverymuch).

I like it there, and I think they like me.

I was in a staff meeting today and added some good comments and made people laugh a little too.

It's so nice to be a professional again in the world.

Sorry, are you tired of hearing me go on and on about this?

It's also so nice to come home and be a MOM.

I got lots of hugs and "I love you mom"s and even had a battle or two with an unruly youngster tonight.

They are all teeth-brushed and tucked-in now and most likely snoozing away.

I got a great email from my bro.

I love him and I love his perspective.

I'd love to share at least part of the email to spread the good word.

(Do I have your permission, Mlark?)

(I've called him Mlark for a long time. can't remember when or why, but I like it.)

(by the way, Mlark, you now show up on my stats as "Palestinian Territories". Makes me so happy.)

I am looking forward to the weekend.

Bob is up north with a bunch of guys from work.

We plan to ignore the rules while he's gone.

which is kind of funny, because I probably lay down more laws than he does.

I'm not sure what we'll do, but I anticipate having 3 boys in my bed* each night.

Plus the dog.

Then? Next weekend?

I go up north with a bunch of girlfriends for a girls' ski weekend.

I do not plan to ski.

I plan to knit or crochet.

I plan to sleep in.

I plan to read my books.

I plan to stay up too late, laugh too hard, maybe drink a wee bit too much.

I cannot wait.

*Have you ever heard of the music group Trio? They are this odd little German group from the 80's. They are best known for the VW commercial a few years back that went "da da da". If you were here, I'd sing it for you and you'd remember. Anyhow, they have a song called Drei Man in Doublebed (or something like that - it's German for Three Men in a doublebed). I think of that whenever I have my drei men in bed with me, but luckily, it's not a doublebed. uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

moments from our life

2011-02-07T14:36:00.000-06:00

1. Yesterday, One and I were skittishly hopping around the house while we heard a "squeak, squeak" of a baby animal in the house. He and I heard it, and finally Bob heard it too. We had to rush out the door to get to the UW men's bball game, so we left poor, still sick Bob to figure out the source of the "squeak". ***

2. 1 hour later, One and I were sitting passively during the basketball game. I turned and asked him if he was thinking about the squeak. "yup," he said. "Are you thinking about the Packers too?" "yup," he replied again, seriously looking into my eyes. The basketball game served as a good diversion from our two main worries of the day.

3. Three slept on my lap while One and I silently cheered and fretted and cheered and fretted and FINALLY cheered our beloved Packers onto victory! Two was watching Drake and Josh on Netflix. Nice team spirit, Two.

4. Today, after grocery shopping, I stopped into Macy's to look for a post-Christmas mark-down on a sweater for me. I found some great Tommy Hilfiger sweaters marked at least 50% off. Score. I accidentally stumbled upon a bunch of kids' winter coats waaaaaay marked down. I bought new coats for next year for all three kids - each for $15 - and they are cuuuuute. So, if you have a Macy's near you and you'd like to stock up for next year, now's your time.

5. Kids are outside playing in the snow as I type. I'm glad they still seem to have enthusiasm for this long winter. I'm over it. When I saw the snow falling again today (and yesterday), I just sighed. Sigh.

Off to manage the troops.

Enjoy your Monday!

*** Turns out the squeak, squeak was not from a baby animal trapped in our house, as we both feared, but from One's boots. We had a great laugh over there. All except for poor, still sick Bob, who I hope went in to the doctor again today. He is not well. Although the antibiotics treated the strep, he now seems to have a sinus infection or something. Cough, cough, cough into the night he goes. And my eyes pop open with every cough. Yawn...

Day off

2011-02-04T16:27:00.000-06:00

I need to stop the madness. I am obsessed about these statistics. I can see Israel here and there and I think, "hey! It's Mark!" (and thanks for your smoke signal!!!!! Also, I talked with Aisha last night.) I think I should go cold turkey, though. It's getting to the point of being ridiculous, and I although I am many thing, ridiculous is not one of them. hahahahaha.

Today was my day off. I thought the kids didn't have school today - whoops - so I scheduled myself to work on Monday instead of today. Not that big of a mistake, other than the worry that I would totally forget to go to work on Monday. Which I didn't. Forget, that is.

I did think about how long it's been since I worked (for pay) on a Monday. ( Haven't since November 20, 2000 - which is a day I didn't work very hard because I sort of suspected I was in labor with my number one son. My favorite part of that day was a very long and leisurely lunch I had with my darling grandma. I fondly recall that day every year and make my number one son sit through my re-telling. He now rolls his eyes when I recount how hard it was for me to walk and how my grandma predicted I was going to have that baby soon. She was right! He was born the next day at noon.) Anyhow, I kind of wanted to share that little tidbit at work, but I thought my hard-working colleagues wouldn't find it so funny and cute, my absence of working (for pay) Mondays in the past 10+ years.

ANYWAY, on this day off, let me tell you what I did:
Got up and breakfasted the three kiddos.
Prepared the delicious smelling beef stew for the crock pot.
Got One on the bus.
Went for a brisk walk around the block with a neighbor.
Drove Two to school and watch him scamper onto the playground to play.
Drove Three to school and walked him into his classroom.
Drove home. Balanced check book. Wrote bills. Saw the fruits of my labor in the checkbook.
(It's nice to have that extra paycheck, I must say!)
Quickly tidied the kitchen.
Threw laundry in.
Drove to One's school to pick him up to take him to annual well child check at pediatrician whom I have a slight crush on (story for another day).
Took One to Subway for a 5 dollar footlong (any sub! entire month of February!).
Returned One to school.
Drove to Three's school to attend St. J's visitor day luncheon.
Ate lunch with my cute and fairly rambunctious 4 year old.
Enjoyed watching him interact with his classmates.
Was proud to hear him correct one of his classmates to not pretend to use a gun at school.
Cringed when Three started talking about his "balls". Reminded him that's inappropriate.
Wondered how many times he can reference his balls before getting the boot from Catholic School.
Returned home to briefly relax.
Changed laundry.
Started focaccia bread for tonight's dinner, in case the beef stew is a bomb.
Drove to Two's school to help out in the classroom. Stuffed folders.
Brought Two home.
Made him a snack to address his monster-like behavior.
Hauled laundry upstairs.
Received One off the the bus.
Ran to Three's school (for the THIRD time today) to pick him up.
Went to the scholastic book fair at St. J's and bought a couple of books from my ball-lovin' 4 year old.
Returned home.
Got mail. US weekly! Hooray!
Worked a bit more on the focaccia.
Listened to One complain on and on about being HUNGRY, THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT HERE!
Eventually sent him to room for 10 minute time out.
Sat down here. Remembered that I'm still feeling kind of punky and I really would like to go and neglect any further parenting responsibilities.

So there you have it. Doesn't feel much like a day off. That said, I was pleased to get individual time with all three kids throughout the day. I suggested to One that we could view the dr's appt as a mini date. He was unimpressed with that idea.

This weekend has the potential to be sucky, but I will try to make it good. Bob has to work at one of those (stupid) home products shows all day Saturday. I really hate all day Saturdays with the 3 kids all by myself. I was looking for Badger State Game fun or UW athletic fun nearby, but there's not really much (badmitten, figure skating and women's tennis). We have 3 tix to the men's UW b'ball game at noon on Sunday. Of course, we'll be watching the SUPERBOWL on Sunday.

Alright, time to make the finishing touches on my focaccia.

To Russia, With Love

2011-02-01T20:03:00.000-06:00

Dudes.

These stats are soooo interesting.
Check it out.

All time views.....

United States

2,257

Russia

Netherlands

South Korea

France

Poland

Finland

Philippines

Turkey

Brazil

Really? 60 views from Russia? Who knew I had such a following.

On another list, I also saw that Israel was represented as looking at my blog today, so Mark... I hope that's you... Wanna send me a smoke signal or something to tell me you're ok?

Snow day for all of us tomorrow. It's blustery outside. I'm digging it. I just checked to see if my employer is closed for tomorrow. Website said closed, except for essential personnel. I called my boss to see if I was "essential personnel". Not like elevating my own sense of worth or anything. Turns out I'm not essential. Figures. Truth hurts.

(not really - I'm looking forward to a day snuggling inside with lots of air hockey and a fire in the fire place and soap making and knitting and maybe even some baking too. I some books and magazines piled up. I will be busy. Hope the kids can amuse themselves.

So, to my faraway readers, I hope your weather is equally exciting, or not so, if you'd rather for it to be tame. For my Wisconsin peeps, stay inside!

joys and sorrows

2011-01-31T18:01:00.000-06:00

head hurts.

back hurts.

throat is starting to hurt.

just realized this morning that the kids DO have school on Friday, despite my careful planning of working today (my typical day off) instead of Friday.

Getting more and more worried about my bro, given the unrest in Egypt.

In short, not one of my finer days.

On the plus side,

I'm almost done with my first crochet project.

I am sort of looking forward to our little winter storm that's a brewin'.

One bought a decent sized table air hockey game at Target yesterday for $17 (post christmas sale, 75% off) which is currently living in our living room. It has been a fun diversion.

I resumed my netflix viewing, and I'm enjoying season 3 of Californication (mindless fun).

I am made an easy supper (chicken noodle soup with chicken broth, veggies, egg noodles and shredded chicken) that the kids love.

Kids shoveled for me with little fuss.

I hear Three praying and singing God songs under his breath all the time now. It's quite sweet.

Glad to see my plus list is longer than my complaints list, but if I put a little more effort into it, I'm sure I could complain some more. Instead, I'll sign off. Bob is home. Thank goodness.

3 for 3, baby

2011-01-30T13:23:00.000-06:00

what the heck - I'll go for 3 posts in 3 days... A personal record!

Yesterday started out pretty yuck, but ended really great! I love it when that happens. Kids were grumpy, Bob was still sick and I was just sort of not interested in any of it, so I mentally checked out of a bit. After lunch, I drove the kids over to a nearby huge snow mountain to play "king of the mountain" with some neighbor kids while Bob took himself to urgent care.

Anyway, after lots of fun (outside rough housing for them, inside the car knitting for me), we came home feeling much better about ourselves and each other. Well, other than Bob, who came home with a bottle full of penicillin to treat his strep throat (poor guy).

Despite being ill, Bob agreed to let Two and I go out on our date, since it's our month. We went to a nearby bar for, well, bar food. It was good - Two remembers fondly a hamburger we had there last spring and has been jonesing to return. After that, we went to a couple of craft stores to get more knitting supplies and soap making supplies. (oh! update! the plans for homemade tonic are set aside. too hard to find affordably priced quinine powder.) Two was amazingly patient with me while I wondered the yarn aisles, mumbling to myself. We squeezed in a trip to Target ("I promise not to whine about getting toys, mom!") and left with a new shirt for him. We set off looking for mansions, which is one of Two's favorite hobbies.

It was a lovely night full of sweet moments. I am so thankful we have this tradition of parent/kid dates. It gives me a chance to see that kid in his own light, have uninterrupted conversations, make silly memories together. I take an opportunity here and there to teach a bit about dating etiquette (it's polite to hold the doors open, it's nice to respond when your date asks you a question, it's interesting to both parties when you talk about what your date wants to talk about also). If you don't date your kid(s), I strongly recommend it.

The house is filled with happy children's voices now. One is in a book bowl (teams of 4 kids read 15 books and are quizzed on them - winner from their school goes to compete against other schools - everyone reads the same 15 books), so we invited the team over for a practice session. They ate some pizza, developed some strategy, and are now playing. More practice is needed. Hopefully another parent will offer to host also.

I'm off to practice crocheting. It's harder than I thought it would be. I like it.

Statistics and Home and Charlie Sheen

2011-01-29T09:47:00.000-06:00

I just found the statistics info on my blog-thing. How interesting to see how many (few) people look at this little blog and to see where they come from/how they find me! And to see which posts get the most views - though that info is probably skewed because on particularly boring (pre-work) days, I would re-read my posts for lame entertainment. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.

I suppose these statistics would be more interesting if I had more readers, which would mean that I would have to come out of the closet about this little blog. Very few people in my life know about it. I'm sort of embarrassed by it. Why? Don't know. Anyone else ever feel embarrassed by their blog?

We had tentative plans to go to a beer/cheese show (how Wisconsin can you get?) today with another couple. Our kids were going to be babysat together by some poor teenager. Unfortunately, Bob is still sick and not up for beer and cheese. And, quite honestly, I was having a little bit of sticker shock at the admission price ($40 apiece). So, quiet day planned instead. I would like to run some errands, since all of my errand-running time is now gone. On my list is:

   1. KOH lye, to make liquid soap
   2. more yarn, to finish that scarf
   3. citric acid, for the tonic I plan to make
   4. a soap mold, for solid soap making.

Isn't that exciting?

I had 3 small world experiences yesterday, all within the span of about 5 minutes, all within my 2nd grader's classroom. So, let me summarize... I mentioned to one of the teachers (it's a combined classroom with 42 kids and 2 wonderful teachers) that Three is attending his preK program nearby at a small catholic school. She said, "my husband went to school there!" I said, "my father went to school there!" She asked my maiden name, and then said, "are you related to Julie N"? I said, probably - pretty uncommon name and if she's a near-west side Madisonian, then yup, I bet we're related. Later confirmed with my mom that she is some distant cousin.

Then, a moment later, I was chatting with the other teacher, and she referenced how her Aunt Jean and my mom went to college together. I knew that already - in fact, Jean is my brother's godmother - but this is small-world connection #2.

THEN, a moment later, I was stuffing take-home folders, and I read the introduction letter from the new student teacher. I recognized HER last name as being my grandmother's maiden name. I approached her and asked about relatives of hers. She told me her grandparents' names. Came home, checked with my mom, and yes indeed - we're distant cousins!

So, even though winter sucks and I wonder how many more of these I can endure, I can't leave this town. It is home.

And to randomly wrap up this already random post - it's about damn time Charlie Sheen enters rehab. That man needs some serious help.

eleven

2011-01-27T21:34:00.000-06:00

Hi.
Long time no blog.
Where to start?

1. A couple of Friday nights ago, Bob gave me the night off. I threw a bunch of invites out to the wind to see who would join me at a bar for a margarita or two. I didn't know who would show up or what it would be like. It turned out to be super fun. A nice smattering from many walks of my life - old work colleagues, old neighbors, new friends, my cousin MB. We ended up shutting down one bar and moving to another. Got home at 1 am. Now THAT was a successful night!

2. Work is good. I was reflecting today that we have all adjusted to this new world order beautifully. I was promised 20 hours/week thru June (still hired as a provisional employee) and this week it got bumped up to 27, which is about as high as I'd like it to go. I'm enjoying the work and feeling more comfortable there every day.

3. Three has started his 4K program at a nearby catholic school - the very same catholic school my father attended until 8th grade. It is sweetly old fashioned. There's a lot of Jesus/God/Catholic stuff, which isn't necessarily my thing, but I'm cool with him being exposed to it. They have a fairly strict dress code, which is kind of stressing me out. I have noticed the children who attend there are extremely courteous in holding doors open for others - something I've been trying to get my kids to do for a while now. And, this is weird to admit, but the secretary, who is probably older than my mom, has the best set of boobs I've seen in a long time. I want to ask her what kind of bra she wears. I mean - perky! Looking good, Mrs B!

4. I probably should delete those last couple of lines.

5. I finished Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. What a wild ride that was. Loved it, but also was fairly exhausted by it too.

6. When I was in college, I became friends with another student named Doug. We ended up working together at Toys R Us and I really enjoyed his company. We even went out to the movies/dinner a few times, but I was dating Bob at the time, so it was strictly platonic. Great guy. Really enjoyed hanging out with him but didn't keep up with him post college/Toys R Us. I noticed he had a terrible cough but didn't really think much about it. My Toys R Us boss pulled me aside and told me he had cystic fibrosis, which is something Doug never revealed to me himself. Anyway, I started thinking about him recently and googled him. I found out that he died this past May. I also found out that he married someone in the mid 90's (yeah for him) who sounds like a wonderful woman. She wrote a book about their relationship and experience with CF, including his double lung transplant. I bought the book on Amazon and I'm sooooooo enjoying reading it. Dana, his wife, is a wonderful writer, and it's a beautiful story. I find myself thinking about him now and wishing I had kept in contact with him over the years.

7. On a lighter note, I haven't made any more soap, nor have I tackled the tonic yet. Still looking for Quinine powder. However, I HAVE been knitting again and am getting close to finishing the scarf I started, oh, a year ago.

8. We had a lovely and unexpected visit from Grandpa John this past weekend, who was up from Arizona to meet his newest granddaughter. John's visit brought happiness to Bob and I, which has lasted all week. The kids had a fun time talking with him too, and Two remains impressed with his WWE knowledge.

9. Speaking of far flung loved ones, my bro is living in Palestine now. At least, I think he is. Not sure, but my sis-in-law may be there too. There was a big flurry of Baltimore activity to tidy up life here to move, and I tried to stay clear of it so as to not distract. I was unsettled to read his email last week from a layover in Atlanta on the way to Palestine, and that unsettled feeling lasted all day. Not sure why - he's a big boy and can handle himself in a foreign land - but... I still worry and fret... Mark? Want to let me know you're ok? And which email you have access to?

10. On another lighter note, we drove to Milwaukee to do a brewery tour last Saturday of Miller Brewery. At the end, the kids got free soda and pretzels, and we adults got 3 free beers apiece. We drove down the street to Saz's bar for food, because we needed to get some food in our bellies and sober up a bit before heading back. We stopped at the Johnson Creek outlets to do a bit of shopping and scored huge at Old Navy. Get this -- 2 paris of jeans, 2 puffy vests, 1 long sleeved t-shirt, 1 sweatshirt for $32. It was a fun day.

11. I went out with a group of friends tonight, and I hosted Bunco at my house earlier this week. I am full of gratitude for all of my girlfriends. Lots of laughs and stories shared and memories made.

I'm off to bed now. Bob has been sick, and I'm starting to wonder if it's coming my way now too. Sleep will help.

Goodnight my dearies.

An emotional arc like no other

2011-01-18T13:44:00.000-06:00

You guys.
I was just about ready to throw the %$^&%$@# computer out the $%^$&$@ window.

Why is it that I am the IT person in the household? I know very little about computers these days. We have a bit of a computer crisis in this house, which is much too annoying and tedious to review here. Suffice it to say that I have a pressing need to use the computer and printer, and we had no working computer/printer combo. So, after several deep breaths and loud sighs and running my hands through my hair, somehow, SOME FRICKING HOW, I was able to make it work.

And my first instinct was to rush over here and tell you about it. Don't you feel lucky?

Speaking of lucky, I felt lucky earlier today. I went to work but my 9 am appt didn't show. I had nothing to do at work, and it's dreadful to be bored at work, especially when I have a bazillion things to do outside of work. So, I explained to my boss and she said, "go". I guess this is an advantage of being provisional. I do not work; they do not pay me. I can sort of decide when to stay and go. Anywho, I dropped off my dead computer (argh!!!!!! but I'm not going into that story) at the fix-it place, and I drove across the street to visit my sweet little old grandma.

I found my grandma sitting in the dining room of her memory-care-nursing-home. She smiled and acknowledged me (and I think even recognized me) and then went back to tapping the spoon and fork together on the table. WTF? Grandma, I know you have dementia but c'mon! I'm here!

So, I tapped her on her arm and yelled, because she is so hard of hearing, "Grandma! It's me! Teresa! Your granddaughter!" She relied, very cooly, "yes, Teresa, I know it's you." I wheeled her to her room and after exchanging brief pleasantries (she didn't remember how breakfast was but was able to remember that I had a bunch of boys that were probably at school somewhere), I grabbed a collection of photos of our family to look at with her.

It was delightful. She's not always in the mood, but today, she seemed to love it. She brightened up, smiled, stared for a long time at Ole (her husband of nearly 70 years/my grandfather of 41 years) and said, "Yes, Ole. I miss him so." I replied, "I miss him too grandma" and teared up.

Now, the great thing about someone with dementia is that you can get all teary in front of them and they don't even notice. We're not a very teary family. I am, but my mom certainly is not, nor is my grandma. They are much too practical to get all sentimental. So, I was able to grab a kleenex and have my moment while she was lost in the pictures.

She remembered, then forgot, us all. I pointed out a picture of her father, and she said, "Mr. Augustine!" which was indeed his name, but curious she would call him that. She said, "I can't wait to see him again." I explained that I have never met him and she said, "oh, you should! The trip to see him isn't too bad." I hope it isn't, grandma.

She saw an old picture of me and said, "sweet little Teresa." Again, I grabbed a kleenex while she continued remembering and forgetting again who these people were.

My mom came by the time I had to leave. I kissed my grandma goodbye and promised to visit again soon. "You will see me again, right?" Of course, grandma. I am your sweet little Teresa.

things I want to make

2011-01-12T17:31:00.004-06:00

1. tonic, to replicate a most delicious gin and tonic served at the Underground Kitchen

2. soap. I went to a friend's house last week to get a brief tutorial about essential oils (she's an herbologist, or something like that). I am now in possession of 3 lbs of very lovely essential oils (lavender, lemongrass, and atlas cedarwood), and I can't wait to play with different types of soap, including (drum roll) shampoo and laundry detergent!

3. a knitted neck-warmer thing, or a scarf, or something knitted, since I haven't done any knitting in a year. Yeesh. That's bad.

4. granola, inspired by Stephanie

5. love. HAHAHA! Oh, I'm soooo funny.

*************

Three just came up to me and asked for something to eat. I offered him dinner, which is white chicken chili. Sounds good, no? He said, "no! can't I just spend my money and get a hot dog?" Where exactly does he think we live that he can just go out and buy a hotdog? This boy is a misplaced New Yorker through and through.

2011-01-11T12:41:00.000-06:00

I haven't posted pictured in FOREVER, so here are some from the last month of so..

Our living room, all decorated up for christmas. That tree was the BEST smelling Christmas tree we've ever had (smelled until we removed it); however, it also dropped the most needles I've ever seen. I guess beauty comes with a price.

I found some of these buckeyes in the freezer yesterday. And yes- they are almost all gone by now. I am sharing with no one.

I kind of want this chair for my living room (am having moments of spurlginess with my new job and all). It's funky and comfy. But what do you think? Too office-y?

Back to the christmas cookies. My favorites from this year. They are a lemon shortbready kind of cookie with a light frosting and a pecan tucked underneath as a surprise. Yummy!

We've been ice skating a bunch already this winter. Here's Two in such beautiful form. He's normally a bit more wobbly than this picture shows, but he's pretty good. And self-taught!

Aunt Aisha and Three bonding at the ice rink...

One and two sledding down the hill (woosh!)...

Three and One prepare for a race.

And, finally, Aunt Aisha and Two enjoying a UW men's b'ball game. They took lots of pictures, some pretty silly, but I think this one is my favorite.

Packers and love

2011-01-10T11:22:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday I had a lovely little mom-son moment that I loved, loved, loved. Remember how we started that parent/child date idea last year? One and I were scheduled for a date night in November (he doesn't want me to call it a date - he calls it a "thingy", I call it a date). Anyway, we got behind with our trip out east and the holidays and life, so last week I said, "we're going out on our date next weekend." He replied, "I want to go the The Haze and eat a pulled pork sandwich and watch the Packers with you." I said, "yum! Let's do it!"

(The Haze is a new restaurant/bar downtown that he discovered on a night out with Uncle Mark and Aunt Aisha. I think he was as tickled about going out with them solo as he was about the sandwich and atmosphere and he wanted to relieve it.)

So, after canceling my appearance at bookclub last night (oops), he and I headed out. Turns out The Haze was closed, so we headed down the street to The Great Dane, which is a happening little spot that brews their own beer and makes good food and has lots of tv's tuned to the football game.

We found a spot at the bar, decided we'd wait until halftime to order our food, and got a couple of beers on tap (rootbeer for him, Scotch Ale - yummy - for moi). Shortly after the game started, a woman sat next to One and started talking with us. I could see he was enormously uncomfortable with this stranger talking to him, plus annoyed someone was distracting him from the big game. She appeared to be maybe a little bit crazy and perhaps a little bit drunk too but probably overall harmless. Anyway, after complimenting him on his glasses and noting how much he seemed to understand the game (she had no clue that she was sitting next to the world's biggest 10 year old Packers fan), she asked him his name. "ahhh, ummm, (pause) my name is Mark." (not his name - but the name of his favorite uncle - see 2nd paragraph above) She said, "that's not your name" and looked to me for confirmation. I just smiled and nodded. After a bit, we got up to go to the bathroom and I "accidently" sat in his seat when we returned. She said, "you sat there on purpose because Mark didn't want to sit next to me anymore." For being a bit crazy and drunk, she was very perceptive.

Anyway, she eventually moved to a different spot at the bar and we were able enjoy the game in peace. And enjoy we did! My little One just beamed when the crowd cheered the good moments. We sat at the edge of our seats near the end when the tide almost shifted, and we jumped up and cheered when they won. And I thought, "there is no where else I want to be right now." His sweet little smiley face looked up at me with such joy. I will never forget it.

On the way home, One said, "thanks for driving me to the restaurant, mom. Thanks for buying my food. (pause) Thanks for spending time with me." With a melting heart, I grabbed his hand and kissed it. Of course, my love.

holiday recap

2011-01-03T19:01:00.000-06:00

Hello long lost blogger friends.
I've been busy working and mothering and hosting and relaxing.
But I do miss you.

So, here's a recap of our holidays.

What was great about Christmas/New Years 2010...

1. Hosting our annual Christmas eve party. Such a great group! Lots of laughs and good food and fun times.
2. Spending lots of time with Mark (my bro) and Aisha (my sis-in-law)
3. Relaxing with the kiddos in our warm, cozy house
4. Cleaning the basement and setting up the wii there (which amazingly means the kids are down there more - ahhhh, peace and quiet!)
5. Hosting a couple of sleepovers with some favorite 10 year old buddies
6. Going out to eat with Bob and Mark and Aisha to the new and fabulous Underground Kitchen -- just adults! First time ever!
7. Reading some good books
8. Seeing my kids read some good books
9. Hosting an impromptu and fun New Years Eve party
10. Forgetting about pesky schedules like early bedtimes and regular mealtimes
11. Sledding (twice) and ice skating (once, so far)
12. Watching my kids delight (again) in being with their cousins.
13. Cheering the Packers on to the playoffs
14. Baking some yummy holiday goodies

What was not so great about Christmas/New Years 2010...
1. Saying goodbye to Mark and Aisha, who are soon moving far, far away
2. (still) Missing our beloved Grandma Donna

But like a whip - SNAP! - we are back into our schooltime routine, and that is a good thing too. The kiddos are upstairs right now getting ready for bed, at 7 pm. I will soon follow them up to brush teeth, read books, snuggle and love and tuck in. Life is good.

settling in...

2010-12-09T12:39:00.000-06:00

So, the dust is settling - inside my head, more than anywhere. Things are starting to click at my new job. I know where to sit when I first walk in and where the bathroom is. I'm learning who gets there early, who loves to tend to the coffee area, and who smiles and greets me as we pass in the hallway. It's these little pieces of discomfort that has been the hardest for me. Makes me feel for the substitute teachers in the world who never settle in and learn the culture of one worksite.

I am getting more comfortable using the confusing computer system also. I was explaining to Bob last night that I have at least 7 different places I need to log in to the computer each day, and each place requires a slightly different login and password. I have to "load the server onto the desktop", which may be a no-brainer to everyone else but feels like a total accomplish every time I have done it (twice so far!). And I'm fairly comfortable on a computer. Not having good computer skills is a true handicap for those in a modern-day workplace.

I've met with lots of different folks looking for therapy - mom with an anxious 10 year old son (THAT felt familiar!), single women with significant histories of trauma, people with OWI convictions looking for chemical dependency counseling. Some have made me laugh, and some have given me pause at how their matter-of-fact they take the trauma they've suffered.

All in all, it feels so very good to flex this social work muscle again. And so far, the family seems to be taking the transition in stride. The only two changes for the rest of them is that Three is now bussed to and from his speech phenology program and Bob is home Friday afternoons - so he gets to collect them all from their various spots after school. I worked late last Friday night - didn't get home until 5:45 pm, and dinner had already been served and cleaned up. I liked coming in and having a plate of food waiting for me, children happily playing with their bellies full. (To give myself a little bit of credit, the meal that night was something I put together in the slow cooker before I left for work in the morning.) Bob was sitting in the living room, waiting to hear all the details of my long day at work. Oh! And to honor my first full day, he bought a german chocolate cake (my fav!) for us to enjoy.

Thank you for your comments and congrats! I am missing computer time - my computer time to do what I want to do. Heavens - I sure get enough computer time at work! I don't know how this blog will endure this transition...

I'm happy to post this update today, and who knows... Maybe I'll even follow up with a post with pictures.

still aswirl

2010-11-30T14:44:00.000-06:00

Things feel a little unsettled around here. I'm almost totally unpacked after our trip, but that's a chore that has un-centered me. I am fresh off of some family/christmas drama. It's all resolved but it took a bit out of me. And, mostly of all, I did something today that I haven't done since September 1992. I started a new job.

I went in for 3 hours this morning for my part-time, temporary gig as a social worker at a local mental health agency. This agency offers counseling services -- which is different than my former employer (doing child protection for the county) -- but the essence of the duties are similar. Meet with folks in challenging situations. Gather social histories, briefly assess the situation, and send them on their way to the appropriate service within the agency. I'm excited but a bit unnerved and overwhelmed at it all. As I told my friend this morning, I had the realization that I could meet with an individual who may later commit suicide. What if I don't do my job correctly and they don't get the services they need? She kindly reminded me I've worked in challenging and stressful situations before, and I can figure it out. Let's hope so.

But it all went very smoothly this morning - the transition to this new life. Three resumed his speech phenology preschool program this morning (perfect timing), and he was excited about the "school bus" (really, a minivan driven by a middle aged guy) taking him and bringing him home. I got One to the bus, Two off to his school, and Three in his van all with a few minutes to spare before work. Work... Feels strange, but good, to say.

I think I underestimated the dress code. I dressed fine today (khakis and a sweater), but it looked like people tend to dress pretty nice. I'm inclined to do a little shopping. Maybe Santa will bring me a couple of skirts.

Ahh, the perils of starting a new job after being unemployed for (gulp) 10 years.

Brrr, cold and grey the last couple of days. Hasn't really inspired me to do much around the house, but I should. Every room needs about 20 minutes of attention. Know what I mean? It's not a disaster, but it's a drag to have every room look disorganized - especially when that's what I feel on the inside. Aha! That's probably a DSM IV diagnosis I should bone up on!

Our trip to Baltimore and NYC was beyond great, but you'll have to wait for the stories and pictures. In re-reading the above paragraph I have a burst of energy to tackle some of the chaos. So I'm off!

the fog is clearing

2010-11-19T20:05:00.000-06:00

It has been a whirlwind past couple of days. Let's review.

Yesterday, I picked up several hundred pounds of beef from the butcher. I had arranged to buy a side of beef from a friend of a friend. This farmer raises cattle humanely and they are pasture fed, and I was happy to stock us up on beef. And we are stocked up! It's a good thing we have two (yes, two) chest freezers, because we are using every last little cubic inch of space in them. Let's hope we don't lose electricity anytime soon.

While loading said beef into the freezer, the phone rang. I figured it was my friend Theresa calling before her visit, but it was a friend (sort of) calling to offer me a job. A very good job -- one in my field (social work), doing something I'm interested in, part time and very nearby my home. At this point it's hourly and temporary -- she needs someone to fill in quickly until they can officially post for the job and get a permanent hire for it. I quickly thought of the cons (where will Three go while I work?????), figured I'd figure it out, and said, "Yes! Thanks!"

And that's where the whirlwind began. Have you ever tried to figure out childcare for your children after never having to figure that out before? I know many (most) parents have, but I had underestimated the confusion and mess - not to mention expense. I'll spare you the details, but I think I have finally figured it out pretty well by now.

If that's not enough, I've been busy readying my family for our roadtrip. We set out tomorrow for the east - first to Canton, OH to the NFL hall of fame (on One's 10th birthday, no less), then to Baltimore for a couple of days to see my bro and sis-in-law, and then to NYC to stay with my cousin's girlfriend for 4 nights (My cousin, unfortunately for us, is in Brazil presently). I've been packing and preparing and getting an I-Pass and Trip Tick and Ipods loaded with games and videos. The boys each have their carry-on bags packed with books and a clipboard and papers and even whiteboards and markers. I picked up a couple of "playaway" books from the library and a book on cd for the radio. 10-day food pellets have been bought for the fish, and the dog is all scheduled for the kennel. I never realized my mom worked so hard before we went on vacation.

In the middle of all of this chaos, I've had a handful of sweet reminders about how blessed I am with the people in my life. Two very generous and kind friends offered to help out with bits of childcare here and there. Another friend called and said, "this just confirms it. Good things DO happen to good people. I'm so glad you got this job!" My parents have totally stepped up and genuinely offered to seriously help with childcare -- something they have never offered before (not that I've had to ask). Not to mention the phone call - a bit out of the blue - from this (sort of) friend offering me this job!

The bags are packed. The beef is all put away. My social security card has been located. The ipods are charging. The childcare plans feel manageable and comfortable.

The fog is lifting.

I have many thanks during this Thanksgiving.